Went To The Doctor To Get My Back Looked At, But The Visit Reminded Me Of Something Else That’s Been Bothering Me.

[BryceMcBryde]

My Back Has Been Hurting For A While Now. Started in 2018, But I wasn’t officially diagnosed with scoliosis until 2019. Yesterday, the doctors told me that my scoliosis has gotten worse, and that I need to not be lifting anything heavy or doing any strenuous work to make it worse. They also gave me some painkillers as well, and they referred me to place to get my back x-rayed. But really, this whole thing is reminding me how much I very strongly dislike my stepmother.

My dad and mom dated for a few years before they had me, but they broke up shortly after I was born because my mom found out that my dad had been sneaking out to see his ex-wife. His same ex-wife who poked holes in his condoms thinking he would not notice. A couple years after this, he met my stepmom, and they got married in 2009 and have been married ever since. My stepmom has had a very rough life, with a lot of stuff Relating to abuse that im not going to go into because it would probably break this forums rules to even discuss it. She has a very difficult time controlling her emotions, which is understandable why, but she frequently takes it out on someone who doesn’t deserve it. Back in June, I helped my dad wash his and her cars, but she got afraid I would scratch her car, and her and my dad got into a big fight. A few weeks ago, my dad asked if I could help him with his law. I told him I couldn’t do it, because my spine was in a lot of pain, and I did not want to make it worse. Stepmom then came into the room and yelled at me that if she ever saw him walking without my help again, she did not want to have me come over to visit anymore. I tried explaining to her that my back was in a lot of pain, but she yelled and said it didn’t matter because my dad is older than me. She herself has back issues, but she has a tendency to downplay other peoples issues because they aren’t as serious as hers.

My grandmother is currently having to walk with a cane because of some health issues, and my dad asked Me to volunteer to help her if she needs anything, which I agreed to, because I love my grandmother. My dad forgot to tell my stepmother that he already spoke to me about this, so my stepmother tried telling me about it, and when I told her I knew about my grandmother needing help, she yelled at me to not say I know if I haven’t volunteered yet, while my dad just stood there and did nothing.

I understand why some people might tell me to be understanding of her because of her issues in her past, but a lot of the same stuff she went through them also happened to my mother and Aunt, but neither my aunt or mother do any of the same stuff that stepmom does. My Mama and Aunt are not perfect, but they are much nicer people, despite what happened to them. This past weekend when my dad pick me up to go visit him, he mumbled under his breath that he did not even want to speak to her before he had to call her, and after the phone call, he mumbled again that he didn’t even want to go home.

I still love my dad, despite his actions several years ago, But the past 15 years have been A complete nightmare because of him marrying my stepmom, and her treatment of me, him, my grandmother (my dads mom), and even her own kids. It makes me sad to thinking about what life could’ve been if he had never just done what he did.

I know this is a long rant, but I really wanted to get this off my chest

 

[Aspychata]

Sounds like she is very abusive.

 

[DrBadStrings]

I understand why some people might tell me to be understanding of her because of her issues in her past

Her past is no excuse for her poor behavior towards you. Yes her past may cause her issues but she needs to deal with those issues. Being abusive towards others, like yourself, is not dealing with those issues and you and everyone else in this world does not have to put up with it or even be sympathetic to it.

Sympathy is only warranted towards those that acknowledge they have issues and are willing to work towards resolving them.

While I am no fan of confrontation and do my best to avoid it this is one lady that should be told to go "expletive deleted" herself.

 

[All-Rounder]

"while my dad just stood there and did nothing" is a scene that keeps repeating perhaps in more instances than noticeable, when your stepmom asks you to do something you tell her you can't due to pain. I wonder why he keeps like avoiding to confront her, but he is betraying not only your mother but you.

I can only suggest you stick close to your real mum because now you all know what the other ppl are like and you need to fend and take care of each other. Even you as a young lady or the child of the family have realized that the stepmom is not somebody that could ever replace your mom and what a mother wants to hear most in life is that she is unique, irreplaceable and loved and understood. Your ma has gotten through a lot as well and isn't trying to get attention but she deserves it, and maybe stepmom could even be jealous that the condoms didn't pay off, I'm sorry you guys are getting through so much.

Your dad needs to realize what he's done to his family and what he continues to do but he seems to lack quality character and he ends up hurting and pushing away all the opportunities other people work to give him. He just uses the benefit, which is disgusting for a grown man and he needs to want to grow up but it's rare people change and only if they personally want to change.

It's not your responsibility to fix your family, your responsibility is to yourself, especially because you are autistic, people should be wanting to help you, especially your close ones, and the people who actually give back you can help as well within your limitations. People who bully you into doing things you don't feel comfortable doing in any way, shape or form, you don't need a reason to say no, you should try to avoid these bullies.

 

[Rodafina]

This past weekend when my dad pick me up to go visit him, he mumbled under his breath that he did not even want to speak to her before he had to call her, and after the phone call, he mumbled again that he didn’t even want to go home.

Am I understanding correctly that your father was not wanting to speak to or go home to his wife, your stepmom?

Have you ever had an honest discussion with just you and your father about how your stepmom's behavior affects you?

You are an adult now, maybe you can start to spend less time with stepmom and invest in the relationships in your family that are important to you. Growing up with someone like your stepmother can cause serious issues and trauma - it may be worth it to seek some support and counseling to process what you've been through and try to figure out how to go forward in a healthier way where you are protected from the hurt that your stepmother can cause.

 

[Aspychata]

@Rodafina , you are great at stepping up and directing us to take action, as a abused person, sometimes we fall into helplessness mindset and forget we can advocate for ourself, but we have been gaslighted into believing we have no rights, we end up believing our abusers because we have been worn down.
(It can be our stepmother, it can be a friend, it can be your partner).

 

[Rodafina]

@Rodafina , you are great at stepping up and directing us to take action, as a abused person, sometimes we fall into helplessness mindset and forget we can advocate for ourself, but we have been gaslighted into believing we have no rights, we end up believing our abusers because we have been worn down.
(It can be our stepmother, it can be a friend, it can be your partner).

Thank you, @Aspychata.

People who have been hurt deserve support, healing, and empowerment.

 

[Aspychata]

The biggest lesson l learned is it's okay to ask for help. There is no shame in needing guidance, but some how l missed the bus on that one.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I’m sorry you are going through this. I agree with you that your dad’s side of the family is difficult. Of course you should decline activities that would hurt your back, you don’t have to explain or justify it.

 

[BryceMcBryde]

Am I understanding correctly that your father was not wanting to speak to or go home to his wife, your stepmom?

Have you ever had an honest discussion with just you and your father about how your stepmom's behavior affects you?

You are an adult now, maybe you can start to spend less time with stepmom and invest in the relationships in your family that are important to you. Growing up with someone like your stepmother can cause serious issues and trauma - it may be worth it to seek some support and counseling to process what you've been through and try to figure out how to go forward in a healthier way where you are protected from the hurt that your stepmother can cause.

I would really like to talk to my dad, but I’m afraid he’ll just say what he always says regarding stepmom, that being “she had a lot of bad stuff happen to her”/“It’s better to just not say anything about it to her and start a fight”.