What all of this mean? My life in one thread ! Need answers ! Sorry!

[Iamnotarabot]

EDIT:
I am sorry but i dont know where else i should post everything , basically since a few days im scanning everything i live/lived to understand if it means something special....So pls just scroll, i will underline everypoint and if you feel you can anwser about something feel free to respond only on that specific matter




Well i dont mind if you dont read it all or ansewer about everything, if you find something that picks your interest then feel free to talk with me a little.

Sorry for all the faults but i feel that if i try to correct them all i will add other stuff over and over again and ill never send my message xDD

I want to start with the reasons that lead me here recently and then talk about more details about my past/present that i suddenly remember and want to know more about...

I am a 26 years old man, blocked in studies in COLLEGE still living in my parents'appartement , my parents are starting to get tired by how heavy i am in their lives, I dont blame them, im starting to understand that I need to leave.

Why did I came here?

So, since i am 17( or maybe befor i dont know) i tend to be very low on motivation and all at the end of Autunm , start of winter , and it can go on up to spring. Its like i think everything in a negative way and dont find the motivation to do anything.

This year i couldnt do anything and only think bad things during nov/last week, and then suddenly it went away ( not to mention that it , once again, screwed my semester )

Im am not "happy" at the moment, to be honest i feel better , like my inner batterie is loaded, but i feel very very sensitive and i am still "out" , i didnt manage to go back at the unniversitie yet, because I feel ashamed and i truly think i am not doing what i should.

Well all of this was not very intersting, i just wanted to say that i realized i need to do something about my situation.

And in a non realy healthy way, i spend hours and hours on the web trying to find informations about mental illness , depression etc...

Then I found a video of a youtuber about " uncommon" asperger" symptoms, i dont think they are real accurate symptoms, but the first one was :


Palilalia , well im not sure i understand it correctly, but it's repeating parts of what you just said in your breath like a litte whisper, not even a whisper but more like , your mouth partically making the same movement again.

And i struggled with that for years when I was a kid. It was realy annoying

It did get away, i dont do that anymore, because my mother knew i was doing it and she forced me to not do it again, i mean she didnt like it at all and so i tried my best to stop.

And yesterday, when i found out someone with asperger had this particular problem, it , schocked me, i alsmot didnt sleep last night, i was trying to find if this particular problem was related to another issue more common and i couldnt.

Then I looked at even more videos about autism and asperger, well i dont think i have autism because its in a whole other level.

PS: I said im in hightschool but i am in college atm,this word is tricky for french xD

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Here a list of things that i tried to classifie a litte in order to make it more readable, because iv read and see many things recently , and i have the sensation that many of the weird things i did as a kid or even know are somehow related to this issue, so i wil bring everything that i remember as weird, i think they will be non relevant things but im trying to bring everything.



I was a very slow learner kid with lack of coordination

My parents , my mother, was anxious that i may have a problem, because I started talking later than usual, i moved my body backward etc, i even got a weird clear memory of me moving backward still today.

My first year of preeschool i did it twice , because well i was not able to do what was recquired. I have no memory of that , but friends told me that when we were together in preeschool they buried me in the sand ( yes our playground had sand) and i actually liked it , my mom was so upset about it.


At the third year, the teacher suspected something was wrong with me, and i was sent to a specialist , apparently this person didnt find anything , but my teacher didnt agree this diagnosis, now I can imagine that someone seeing you everyday for several months may have more informations than a "specialist" that saw you 3 times ..funny thing is that i remember clearly that i did play with some puppets during those sessions , weird thing is that , i got traumatised by puppet for years after this , and i couldnt understand why...anyway...

My mother told me that she also tried to make me do several things, like music, footbal etc, and i always had the unability to interract with others overall, and couldnt focus on learning process.

Regarding footbal i have never been able to do any juggle , well it was like 2 or 3 times and them it dropped, in fact at the first juggle i already got it wrong and so i cant keep the ball xD
Many years later i saw my former footbal trainer, and he told me i had a huge lack of coordination and could only follow simple instructions, like just defending a point and thats it.
He is a nice guy i dont say he was mean to me, he tried to do something with me and the way he talked I felt he knew I was "special", like my teacher .

During my time at primary school, I was always the slowest at everything, in particular leaving the classroom, I could take half of the time of a short break to just get out, and now i remember that one of my classmate actually helped me a lot, I even remember her name and atm it makes me cry to think about it...

Other weird things I did as a kid :

Playing with the bedclothes that i put all together , to make something like a big mountain and i would go inside of it to " burry me " , i dont know if its clear..;but it was like a nest.

I was making a nest inside my bed also, like a cave i dont know how exaclty, i dont remember what I was doing neither. I also tend to put my head under my pillow, i mean with the pillow in the back of my head, pressing my face to the bed , the pressure in my eyes made me see "things", like an endless road,and this i did this for a long time until i feared it would hurt me.

My bed was in the corner of the room and I Always sleept just in the corner , always wanting to feel that wall near, now i dont sleep like that anymore because i cant but hell i want to xD I did it for a very long period of time.

Breaking most of my toyz.

Very hard to socialize , cried a lot and angry also a lot. My mom told me i was a little demon .


Maybe all of this is normal ,i dont know.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

That was also the time i discovered video games, and in fact i was the kid unblocking my class mate in video games, i understand something now, because, my friends liked also video games, but, they could just drop them when ever they wanted, NOT ME, once i started an adventure i wanted to reach the end , and it couldnt get out of my head.

My brother was playing resident evil and when i was in school i was making the kids play resident evil, for real, but this is a realy blurry memory, im sure i did it, but i dont remember when exactly, When i see the date i was 4 , but i dont know when my brother got it.

This grown more and more with me ,like, i got ultra interested in video games ,and somehow it became a filter for everything in my life? I mean...


I was a the worst kid in english until video games had english VA and french sub, then it became one of my best subject( then my level decreased hehe)

I still believe that video game learned me as much if not more than real life did.


Playing games like zelda build in me an interest in traveling, i dont do it at all now, but my parents used to send me on summers camps, and the best moment i had were when i was in "natural/ancient" places.

But the real difference is ,I think I realy "thought" it was somehow a video games, i mean,It was the temple of time when i was visiting a church, always got to find the best wooden branch to make it a sword ( my father even did one to me), one of the outside activity that i got intersted in was ofc equitation and horses, and only the epona type ( but my parents couldnt afford that).

As I write I realize i have an overall issue with reality/fiction =>

Wingman was one of my first manga after dragon ball, and for years, everyday i came back to school, i was waiting for the magical book( you draw something in it and you create it) to appear in my room...like, I was day dreaming about it on my way back.

One of my crush i had in hightschool ( ho btw i never had any relationship because i dont understand any of it) , was looking like the main female character of the manga i was into atm ( well they , to me, even shared common behaviors) but i was already 16/17 so It was less conscious.
And got damn , i also realized i tried to act as another fictionnal character of a fiction she liked to attract her..wtf.

And even today, few times a week, i still try to use the force to catch an object , come on...i know its not possible but , i keep doing it.

When i play too much of a video game i tend to see the real world with a filter from that video games, like, one day i was on a minecraft spree and a few moments in the day i had the feeling that everything was made out of cube, like it didnt change what i see, but what i feel, its hard to explain.

I Also tend to use patern from movies /video games to understand the real world , or i tend to see some political figures as some people from fictions.

Today i try to stop play video games because i feel its toxic for me now, last time i played a zelda game i spend 3 weeks doing nothing except that. To the point that if my room collapse I think i would not even care.


Other things :

80% of my time in my bedroom, even when feeling ok , with my computer.

Feel that social activities are like acting, very odd

Always the same clothes :
When i was between 12 and 16 I was only wearing sport outfits, and i was the only one around me doing this, my parents were even forced to buy me the same kind of clothes .

I basically dislike most of the new clothes , except a few and the one that i want to buy i keep them for ever. ( still have more than 10 yo clothes)


Disconnected from my strong feelings, not synchronized with them :

I will talk about the same crush i had, but, this was weird, because i got obsessed by her , but one i had closer moment with her i was unable of doing nothing, felt that i felt nothing, and then after, when i was alone, all the feelings and questions came to me "later" , making me more obsessed...I day dreamed a whole life with this person, seriously.


Always the same paths :

I still live in the same area since im born, and, today i realised that i always just follow the exact same path...especially now, because i spent month staying at home , and when i feel i have a litte stenght to go out to "recover" , i realized i just walk always in the same streets, i always got at the same shops , use the same bus lign, and everywhere i go, i basically can remember A moment when i was not alone in this place, i mean the first time i was there i was not alone.

If its not a place I already know, or people that i know , i overcheck,


For instance, for my first year at unniversity, i had to go with my bike, its objectivly not a big deal, its 15min away from where i live, and , I had to check on the internet and go there before the actual beginning of the year to get familiar with the place.

And , it was in a city i know, But, somehow, its realy hard to explain but, I knew only part of this city, and , the unniversity was one street away from a place i knew, and before that, i tought it was like miles and miles away from it...while i just had to cross a street to get there


Another fact, when im invited at a party, I always need to know how many people will be there, if i know them or not etc, and if its mostly unknown people i decline.

I also had a big student party one day, i was supposed to get there with realy old friends so i was confident, with them around me i can do anything, but , they got delayed and we didnt go there together, i went at the entrance of the party , waited them , at some point i knew they were already inside and since i couldnt go in with them, i simply left , i felt afraid by the people around me that i didnt know and betrayed that they didnt try to find me first before going in..


Didnt make any friend myself in my entiere life

I have one very best friend, that i have since preeschool, and i have this friend because my parents knew his parents , and the other old friends i have are friends of this friend.

I get closer to people that have the "loner type" because i think it easier for me to be with them, but it never lasted long.


Used to listen to music all the time

Sometime to concentrate, sometime to day dream,to sleep, to do sport, always i do it less now because feel it can hurt my ears on the long run, + i have all the music i love in one drive that i still didnt manage to transfer to my latest computer..




I had one of my worst experience at the unniversity ,

I was 19 I think, maybe older, this was a realy crowded amphitheater , i was feeling sleepy a little so i just put my head on the desk, and , suddenly, couldnt move, felt that i was about to die, all the people talking turned into evil voices and shouts, it happens once to be honest.
I think it was related to sleep paralysis, i had some during this period , but i always had to be in certain position in my bed, and it wast the same, maybe it was the same but im not sure.

Being told I was homosexual for years

I have nothing against lgbt , it just a fact, that , many girls told me i was "special", or asked me if i was gay, my mother also fears it still now. So i wanted to know if it also happens to you.

Can suddently be passionate about something and forget the rest of the entiere unniverse:

This mostly applies to video games, but i have that also with politics, movies , music, for instance after watching the last jedi I felt violated that the movie was so bad and i couldnt think of something else for weeks ( this also screwed my semester)


Switching from a bad behavior to another
Abuse of video games=> Eating my feelings ( for a few months i acted like someone with bulimia ) => too much of r rated website with the usual behavior associated to it ( until it hurts) etc...

Concerning the bad habits, it reduces with time , but i trade that with nothing, i mean, more of doing nothing...I still feel like i want to eat my feeling.

Like to say things that feel out of place

Fell like im forcing myself to not act like a child.

Its been also a year that i have this weird abit of silently shouting, i mean, i get a safe place where im alone and i contratcs all my muscles and act as i shout with anger.

When I need to remember a fact, i often need to find a memory that circles around this fact, and i verbalize this when someone ask even if its not necessary, well i think i can hide that when i need to , but with my parents for instance i dont try to control it.

Bad at learning while able to remember things i never tried to learn, about the learning process, when i was a kid, i didnt remember the lesson, but the page where the lesson is , then in my head i turn the page to find the knowledge i need .

Even now i do it a litte, i need to remember the strucutre of something before picking the fact i need




Ho my, even with the clock in the computer, i didnt realize i already spent 6 hours on that messy post, i have such a great time management, have I?


Thanks a lot of you read some of this, feel free to ask me anything or comment on anything, have a nice day!

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Ho i also want to add something else, I got a few time physically closer to one girl (another one), and one day i barely touched her( all clothes on ,i was with her and her group of friends etc.) and i felt like i was doing way too much, and the day after, she tried to kiss me , i simply cant remember this moment, i just panicked, ran away , and never talked to her again. I just saw her once later and i felt stupid.

 

[Streetwise]

s.a.d possibly !S a D stands for seasonal affective disorder !it sounds like you have it .
it happens when there is less daylight and ends when the spring begins .
you need to go out in the daylight more !you can get lamp that you look into and it will boost your vitamin d levels.
have you socialised with people from a very early age? !autism can appear to be a lack of socialisation but I think the fact that you had late speech pushes it towards high functioning autism ,very high functioning autism (Aspergers syndrome )means you wouldn't have delayed speech .
do you know if you have a diagnosis ? france appears to be more concerned with diagnosing children!.
you really need to talk to a therapist as I can't say for definite which part of the spectrum you are on autism is now called autism spectrum disorder ,it used to be :kanners autism - which is now called low functioning autism -most people don't like to be labelled , then there is Aspergers syndrome which is very high functioning autism ,
in some countries the old names are no longer referred to,
that's why it's called a spectrum as you won't necessarily have all the traits of low functioning autism or high functioning autism.
there are also other disorders and called autism but are included in the autism spectrum .
Aspergers syndrome wasn't diagnosed widely in the UK until the 1990s and the rest of the world was the same for what is now called high functioning autism ,Low functioning autism was more widely recognised.
hope this helps

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Well i should double check is i realy speak late or not, i know my mother was afraid of it but she is anxious so maybe i did it in time and she was just scared, if it is realy a K point i should ask but i need to find a way to talk about it without warning her.

My grand mother from my father use to babysit me before preeschool, i didnt go to nursery.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

I said i was still in hightschool but atm Im in college its just a mistake sorry corrected it.

 

[Fitzo]

I suggest you do some online questionnaires like the Aspie Quiz. Depending on the results you get, then try to see a psychologist who specializes in autism. It may be difficult if you're in France from what I have heard. But at least then you'll have some idea what you're dealing with. There are quite a lot of useful clips on YouTube. Dr Tony Attwood has done quite a few. He is an Aspergers specialist. There are also some useful books you can read. Have a look in the resources section of this site.
Best of luck on your journey!

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Thanks a lot!

Well i dont know about test because iv done some of them and it turns out i had al the mental illness of the unniverse so...( half kidding), plus i tend to not always understand what the question even mean. Maybe i should try a test in french. I know the meaning of the words but i cant realy get what they mean in the context they use it.


I have just something esle popping in my mind, i read and watch videos that talked about asperger or autism related symptoms and...

I just realized that my father had some of them, like a billion time more than me...I think he never considered being weird so he just went on with his life, he didnt have the time to think about it, while me on the opposite i try to stop those things., ..well i try...or at least i acknowledge them. And being afraid of who i am blocks me while my dad just live and doesnt ask questions...

We basically cant have a conversation with him , and i always tought he just didnt care about me...

He basically hates being touched, litteraly, well we can have physical contact when he is "prepared" but if he is taken by surprise he will hate it.

He also has a lot of problem with smells in general.

He didnt do well in school because at this time if you didnt perform perfectly you are basically out and he did physical work.

He learned many technical things and i saw him many times knowing more about few topics than people from the job. I never understood how he could be able to remember those things while he always ask me for just simple calculations...

He is an hardworking person,but , like me, he needs a structure, if he doesnt have it he has no organisation on his own, and so do I ,

He is showing love by what he does non directly,

He is has even more weird responses when he talks to other people.

And he has a social ankward past also...but now i think about this maybe I see it everywhere...

 

[Fitzo]

When I started reading about autism I also wondered about my father. He is dead, so no way to know for sure.
He was very much a loner, had very strict routines, socially awkward, very often angry and unaffectionate. He also did manual work despite being quite highly intelligent and preferred to work alone. He often became furious over the smallest details and no one else could see any problem. He came from a generation where mental illness was just dismissed as weakness, but I'm sure he suffered from anxiety and depression. Even if he suspected he had something wrong he would never admit or seek help for it. My brother's young son is also on the spectrum so it appears there may he a family connection.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

I was closer to adult when i was a kid btw, I say that because i try to say everything about me that was not common...that i feel is still not common.

I was also the one ruining card game when i felt someone was trying to avoid a rule or cheat.


An also i tend to use words the old way , i mean with older prononciation, but in france its weird because about the particular topic of "feminizing" name of fonctions that were mostly masculine words, i feel thats its reealy outrageous to not use a feminine pronouns for women.

Well about the test, i did asperger test a year ago, I had a hightscore but it was the english version and i was not decoding eveything about me the same way, maybe i wanted to know but I was in denial maybe?
I did the test in english today, and i felt that i didnt understand the question correctly because i am not so familiar with english, i still had a hight score thought, And i felt i had conclicting answers during the test because of my lack of comprehension.

Then i just did it in french...i had 36 in english but in french i had less hesitation and got 43...

There is question i coudnt answer in this test because, for instance, about the books , i read realy not a lot , but when they ask if i imagine images or motivations, well i always have image when i think or read of a situation, but its polluted by things iv seen like movies or video games, so i dont know what they call "imagine", even in french...and now im trying to remember books iv read and all i can think of his images, its not a fictionnal book but in latine we read a book about the art of loves, and its true that each advise was for me like a little scene in my head...( and now more and more i try to remember books and i only think of images /scenes)

And about character motivation, well i guess it depends on the book, and it was a long time ago that i didnt read a fictionnal book, but i always had good score in tests about books iv read , so I dont know...

Still dont like book anyway xD I fell its an old test without anything related to new technolgies.



I need to wake up in 3h yeah ^^

And for the eye expression test thing...well i dont understand how its relevant, all i can tell is the same faces, if the vage positivity or negativity, and then you can pick the closest one with the choices, if i had no choices i wouldnt be able to tell at all most of the time.



Yeah and for the rest of my family its not amazing neither, oncle on my mother side that got burn out and depression, my grand mother in my mother side was not realy a fonctionnal person but we dont know why , aunt in my father side that commited suicide^^' and cousin that attempted to in my mother side.

I think my mother is anxious all the time, and i told you about my father.

Im sorry for your father, i just dont know what to say :s

 

[Streetwise]

imagine in French le Francais imaginer

 

[SusanLR]

It all seemed very ASD when I read each of your headings and explainations.
Except for the worsening of depression or lack of motivation in the fall, winter and early spring.
That does sound like SAD- Seasonal Affective Disorder
where lack of light disrupts the chemical balance of the brain causing these feelings.
That is seperate to ASD.
Getting as much natural light as possible during these months would help. There are light box therapies also that can be used.
Talk with a psychologist about all of these things and your Asperger's tests. One that has a good knowledge of Autism particularly.

 

[Progster]

I was making a nest inside my bed also, like a cave i dont know how exaclty, i dont remember what I was doing neither. I also tend to put my head under my pillow, i mean with the pillow in the back of my head, pressing my face to the bed , the pressure in my eyes made me see "things", like an endless road,and this i did this for a long time until i feared it would hurt me.

I used to do this one, too. I tucked the sheets tight round my bed, and put my stuffed toys into my bed, in a specific order, four down one side and four down the other, to make a kind of snug tunnel, and went right down into the bed. It was a bit like being in a cave. I also had a thing about the lights - there was a light in the corridor outside my room that used to shine under the door even when closed, and I wasn't able to sleep if that was on. I had to get up and turn it off to sleep. My mum thought that was really batty!

 

[Streetwise]

I used to do this one, too. I tucked the sheets tight round my bed, and put my stuffed toys into my bed, in a specific order, four down one side and four down the other, to make a kind of snug tunnel, and went right down into the bed. It was a bit like being in a cave. I also had a thing about the lights - there was a light in the corridor outside my room that used to shine under the door even when closed, and I wasn't able to sleep if that was on. I had to get up and turn it off to sleep. My mum thought that was really batty!

I used to think about doing what you do did but it panicked me I felt as if I wouldn't be able to breathe if I was covered.
I like the idea of a tent though

 

[Progster]

I used to think about doing what you do did but it panicked me I felt as if I wouldn't be able to breathe if I was covered.
I like the idea of a tent though

There was always a gap at the top for me to breathe through.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Being inside of something feel so comfortable for me , i got a billion other things to say..; today im a mess sad and confused xS
...

I was sad today, always about to cry but maybe its because i look too much at screen, today was shiny and it was realy painfull for me, i need to look down a lot because otherwhise it is painfull...

Im trying to say that this is just related to me being tired...well, I always had sneeze when i got out during a sunny day...

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Im sorry to spam the forum , more and more with all the things from my past that i didnt want to say to anyone even my own parents...

Its been 2 exhaustive days for me since i found out about the first symptom i listed, and at the moment im feeling like im scanning my entiere memories like a virus scan...

I put aside one specific memory of my past.

When i was 14 , i got assaulted on my way back to school by a group of young adults i guess , One of them punch me in the face so hard i got a bridge deviation and ofc a big bruise. Then they basically touched me everywhere to find any valuable, that i didnt have because i was too young and ofc i had no expensive cloth neither.

This is the story i know, BUT, there is one BIG DETAIL i didnt mention to my parents, the authority or anyone else.

I saw them coming, they were all wearing hoddies you know the very cliché outfit and behavior.

And before they attacked me, i just thought them "funny"..........................................

OFC I was in my head when i was walking, so i didnt had a very long time to think, BUT, i did have few secs, and when i saw them before they attacked me i was just finding them funny. Then i got punched because ofc they even had the time to circle

I pretexted that I didnt see them coming because some of the streetlight were not working this day, this is true they were not working, but i felt so ashamed that i didnt anticipate their attitude. I didnt say it to anyone, and I even put this part of the story away , i am just remembering this know...

And for years i felt very afraid when i saw a group of similar people near me, and i just couldnt feel another sensation.

One day one group like that came accros me, i was already 18, maybe more, and i think they were younger than me like 15 16 maybe , it was bright day light, in a crowded place, so i had objectivly no reason to be afraid, and i was scared to death, they just asked me if i had a cigarette and i dont smoke so i told "no" , after that i realy felt weak and pathetic , but on the long term this encounter helped me i think.

After that i was less afraid about this similar situations because i try to use the context of the situation to understand if i should be worried or not.

Also , this might not be related, but a lot of time when i hear kid shouting , i think they are getting hurt, and when i see them actually playing then im not worried anymore...its not all of the should that i mistake...

And it happens a lot , i live in a low cost housing area with few buildings and kids of the area play often outside just near the building so when im working..I can hear them. especially around spring and summer.

A lot of the time when i hear them i think they are getting hurt and i need to see what is going on by looking at the window, then i see them playing and i ask myself :

"why do they sound like that kids are violent this days"

So maybe its me the probleme here again, but unlike physical attitude that i dont understand, noises for me sometime sound more violent i guess, espcially when im focused on something like studing the few times i can.

Even today, i saw 2 people talking and when i first hear one person i thought she was super angry , but after a few sec i realized she was amused and excited because i could hear what they were actually saying.

One other thing, i remember a thing from a day i was working,( i dont work full time just few days/ weeks during holidays, its a place i know since im very young)

I worked as a cleaner to make it simple, like cleaning the floor etc, and the building had a realy terrible basement garage, very very very very durty /smelly it was horrible for me to see that and smell that, and i couldnt get the idea out of my head that people working there everyday should feel sick of going there everyday like it would depresse them...

All my colleagues told me to not clean it because i think they were protecting their rights i guess ( i mean if i did it maybe the superior would ask them to do the same thing later)

My superior told me to not clean it because it was too much for a single person and I was not assigned there anyway...

Pff i did it anyway, i used cleaning material that i was not allowed to used without the proper outfit etc xD,
Thinking back at it i alsmot put myself in danger, but it was like an amazing moment for me , i loved the exercice and the fact that this durty place that depressed everyone was clean again xD, the whole basement was stil durty but not the main paths /elevator rooms.

I had to narrow my objectives , like i couldnt only clean the main path and main room that everyone was using because with just a mop it would have take me for ever anyway and i didnt have enought material anyway xD

But i did it in "secret "( like at a specific moment so no one was there) because i didnt want to drag any trouble to the other people working there.

Only my superior found out and i told him i did that only because i was not a full time worker there + it was objectivly disgusting to not clean this mess for all the people that works here...

1 month later he ordered a complete cleaning of the basement garage ( that a specific exterior compagnie did , a specialized one not my coworkers.) I felt so pround..even if it looks like a small thing...

 

[Streetwise]

you also have ptsd ,I say that because that's why you are perceiving noises as being violent ,the physical assault you suffered has changed your perception of sound -you have got to tell a therapist !you can't live like that it's not healthy!.
I am like you but I am slightly further on not better worse ,if you don't do something about it you'll end up like me it damages your digestive tract, your urinary tract ,your hearing, your eyesight.
you can't avoid pain with the disorder you have ,it stopping you perceiving what is good and what is bad.
tell the therapist what you've done to compensate for your fear of assault .
there is nothing wrong with discussing what you have discussed some people can be open like you ,some people can't ,I can't but that's me.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Ptsd?
Im not sure, like maybe im just a bit anxious and thats it, i mean ptsd is for people that did war no?

"Tell the therapist what you've done to compensate for your fear of assault ." I dont understand that part xD


Can you be more specific about the digestive and all pls?