What are the techniques that work best for you interacting with NTs

[Loomis]

I was diagnosed yesterday. I always knew I had a problem relating to other people but never knew why. I am 63 years old. So now I do not know what to do with the diagnosis. I am interested in what others have found useful.

 

[Arashi222]

Well for me I am a social worker so I actually took classes on interpersonal communication, relating to people, understanding psycholgoy and things of that nature in order to help me better relate. I also run scripts in my head of what to say to people. For example when making a phone call if I have to. I will write down a script of everything I need to say in case I need to leave a message or talk to the person in real life. I also have a job at a grocery store that I've had for a really really long time and finally getting my degree looking for work in my field as made me realize how hard it is to actually relate to NT's. But I just tell them I don't understand these days. I don't try to explain to much I just say You know I don't understand.

 

[Loomis]

The doctor who diagnosed me said that NTs learn to interact emotionally and socially with non-verbal cues by the time they are five. Aspies don't get it naturally. Over the years I have figured out how to act but I have trouble with the non-verbal stuff. When my doctor was explaining her diagnosis to me there was a small smile on her face. I told her, I am very interested in what you are telling me but I don't know what to do with your smile. That's what I am wondering... Is there a way to start understanding those kinds of things?

 

[Csutelan]

The real problem is that you don't know what you don't know. I was diagnosed about two months ago but before that I always thought I was able to read people pretty well. It was very upsetting that my social interactions usually turned out so poorly. I just couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Once I was diagnosed, I was able to look back and see that maybe I wasn't such a good student of people as I thought.

Now, in my mid 40s with a fresh diagnosis and a new perspective on life, I am at a crossroads. Do I really want to try to conform? Do I really care what people think of me? Is it worthwhile to try and understand them? Perhaps Aspergers is a new evolutionary strain. Perhaps, in some ways, we are better equipped to deal with a world which is essentially meaningless anyway. If I can quote HP Lovecraft's classic story "The Outsider", "I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men."

 

[Bay]

I am recently diagnosed as well, and still trying to figure out what it means for me. I am rethinking my career (if you can call it that), as I now see that the direction I was taking would have led to the same sort of dead end/melt down I have experienced previously. I am allowing myself the time to recover from social interactions, and that has led to fewer depressive episodes, I believe. I am trying to let people know when I feel over extended, although that will take some patience on my part. Most importantly, I no longer blame myself for my past, as I now see that much of my behavior was not, in fact, due to character flaws but due to something I am only now understanding. I am learning to forgive myself.

 

[Soup]

As for interacting with NTs, happily in today's tech-driven world, constant face to face interacting with NTs can be kept to an absolute minimum! You can do much of your shopping online & many places even enable you to buy groceries this way. I've used technology in every way I can think of to enable me to be fully functional & yet keep actual social contact low. I took any university classes I required for my programme online whenever the option was available. Use text messaging & emailing whenever possible. When I have to enter into a conversation face to face with NTs, I have a stock of scripts I can use & I keep chit-chat brief.

Someone up there said that AS might represent an evolutionary progression of sorts. Maybe. I tend to think of it as a fundamental difference in brain type. So many of us are so-called socially impaired (introverts) yet highly intelligent. I've observed that many NTs are socially adept extroverts yet they're intellectually challenged. Perhaps being a social butterfly isn't all it's cracked up to be.

 

[Loomis]

Here is an article that suggests there may have been evolutionary selection for two different brain types. One for social skills and a second for empirical skills. If you consider that early in hominid evolution an Aspie that had visual mental skills and high mechanical aptitude along with an intensity of focus could have filled the role of a highly valued tool maker. At the same time, as hominid evolution progressed, there might also have been selection for brains with high social and communication skills. So, there could have been selection for both NT and ASD brain circuitry to perform two different functions in the early hominid social units.

http://docs.autismresearchcentre.com/papers/2001_BCetal_kidseyes.pdf

 

[Soup]

Hi Loomis! Thanks for the link to the article. the difference between the ways in which children with AS process information relating to folk psychology (deficient) vs their mastery of folk physics is clarified by this research. I would bet that the vast majority of our members here would show similar results if subjected to similar testing.

In light of this info, I agree with you that an early hominid with As would definitely have been useful as a skilled tool-maker. Our ability to perceive patterns & comprehend systemic relationships would be another advantage inherent in this adaptation. These aptitudes would indeed prove useful in determining optimal times & strategies for essential activities such as fishing stalking trapping pursuing & hunting prey. The extreme sensitivity to subtle changes most Aspies experience would also contribute to survival. In agrarian contexts, there would be similar advantages.

The more i look at the research, the more I'm becoming convinced that we are not disabled but 'differently abled' relative to so-called NTs.

 

[Loomis]

Hi Loomis! Thanks for the link to the article. the difference between the ways in which children with AS process information relating to folk psychology (deficient) vs their mastery of folk physics is clarified by this research. I would bet that the vast majority of our members here would show similar results if subjected to similar testing.

In light of this info, I agree with you that an early hominid with As would definitely have been useful as a skilled tool-maker. Our ability to perceive patterns & comprehend systemic relationships would be another advantage inherent in this adaptation. These aptitudes would indeed prove useful in determining optimal times & strategies for essential activities such as fishing stalking trapping pursuing & hunting prey. The extreme sensitivity to subtle changes most Aspies experience would also contribute to survival. In agrarian contexts, there would be similar advantages.

The more i look at the research, the more I'm becoming convinced that we are not disabled but 'differently abled' relative to so-called NTs.

Yeah, I can envision an Aspie blacksmith doing his repetitive tasks with great care and quality craftsmanship. A man respected in his town for his few words but workmanship beyond reproach. He has a gruff manner, says little, but nobody makes fun of him or thinks he's weird. He just is who he is.

 

[King_Oni]

Yeah, I can envision an Aspie blacksmith doing his repetitive tasks with great care and quality craftsmanship. A man respected in his town for his few words but workmanship beyond reproach. He has a gruff manner, says little, but nobody makes fun of him or thinks he's weird. He just is who he is.

While I diverge a bit from the thread, I feel there's truth in this. Aspies might be good at jobs that require them working alone to some extent and just do their thing with great skill. It's just that jobs like that are a rarity nowadays... the most similar "job" might be being an artist, a painter, something like that.

And alongside that, in line with the thread, the fact that "solidarity jobs" aren't around much, you're part of the community way more, and that's how people might see more and more how "weird" one is in terms of asperger's.

 

[Loomis]

While I diverge a bit from the thread, I feel there's truth in this. Aspies might be good at jobs that require them working alone to some extent and just do their thing with great skill. It's just that jobs like that are a rarity nowadays... the most similar "job" might be being an artist, a painter, something like that.

And alongside that, in line with the thread, the fact that "solidarity jobs" aren't around much, you're part of the community way more, and that's how people might see more and more how "weird" one is in terms of asperger's.

I think you are correct. Twenty-first century society has fewer niches for an Aspie to fit in.