What are your shutdowns like?

[WoodWorkingJoel]

Just curious but for me my body tends to want to turn off, so I pretty much sleep or just laze around.

 

[Judge]

First thing I do is to escape any exposure to other humans. To escape a sense of "social overload" in certain circumstances. Though in the process at times I literally lose all recall of how I get to such a place. As if I was experiencing "lost time" or perhaps a form of autistic catatonia.

It's why I've reached out to a few members through PMs whenever I come across any stories of such things, whether sleepwalking, catatonic conditions or something else. Trying to understand such behaviors that much more. Very strange to encounter someone who may appear to be awake, yet is "somewhere else" mentally.

Something I find fascinating and scary at the same time in terms of my own shutdowns. Though luckily in my case they seldom happen.

 

[OrangeSquash]

Hey, woodworkingjoel...

Take a look a my post from a few months ago to give you an idea of mine and a few others...
New girlfriend witnessed a shutdown

 

[savi83]

I am quite lucky at the moment, there are plenty of breakout rooms and a quiet study space in the building I work in. I mainly just retreat to the quiet study space, just me, a computer, peace and quiet.

 

[Fino]

I either do something mindless like videogames or I sit and stare at a wall.

 

[BrokenBoy]

Anxiousness and spacing out.

 

[Major Tom]

I withdraw from contact, and a time or two I went completely mute. I couldn't speak and had to write. I guess you'd call it selective mutism, but there was no choice in it. I had to wait until I got over the things that were bothering me and eventually I could speak again.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I have been forcing myself to socialize which is making me tired so I escape to listen to music to recharge.

 

[Tracker Girl]

So, I've been having shutdowns for 20 years, but I had no idea what they were until now. For some reason doctors always blamed my diet in one form or other, saying it was hypoglycemia or a food allergy. Now I'm convinced it's a shutdown . . . it's like I'm underwater and can barely keep my eyes open. The room and noise all starts flickering in and out. I usually lie down for a while, but I find listening to music with noise cancelling head phones helps. I have a shutdown or warning signs of one most days . . . I have 3 kids! I seriously wish I had known I had autism earlier in life!

 

[Raggamuffin]

Shutdowns feel like my natural reaction to not being able to have outbursts around people. Stressor hit me and whilst I can remain calm for longer than I used to, eventually I buckle and implode.

I reserve explosive outbursts to my own company only; although this takes a good deal of self-control to avoid a public detonation. I learned from past experiences which left bad memories and no longer allow myself to snap around people. Truthfully, it feels just as self-destructive holding it in rather than letting it out. In the past, being chastised for a meltdown compounded the problem by adding additional negative emotions into the mix such as guilt and anxiety which often lead to a shutdown and a lot of anxious ruminations.

Shutdowns for me are either prolonged periods of silence or a sudden feeling of complete exhaustion where I will retire to bed if I'm not at work. In terms of mood, it's usually rather oppressive with an over-burdening sense of negativity or exhaustion.

The only issue is when around other people - because I know at work or at home with my partner, there are expectations. This forces me out of the silence and each time I go back into it I start to come to the same realisation - I'm self-imposing these shutdowns and the on/off button is pressed by me, and not the situations and stressors I naturally assume are pushing my buttons.

It reminds me of the book Man's Search For Meaning:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

It's an eloquent way of looking at things, but I find that it's hard to consider and apply to situations I find myself in. Reactions, overreactions, stress and a snowballing effect with anxiety mean that it can take some time to restore a sense of balance with mindfulness or letting go.

I'm not sure if shutdowns can be fleeting and repetitive each day. The silence and focus of shutting things out is helpful in of itself. But sometimes, when it's too much - I can't get much done at all. This happens a lot at work. Focus, attention and productivity all suffer and I find that a lot of days I don't get much done, because I'm too busy trying to manage my reactions to stressors. When I'm at my quietest at work my mind is seemingly at its loudest.

Ed

 

[Metalhead]

I usually keep a straight face and wait until I go home to shut down or melt down. I have a vent journal where I write a couple of profanity-laden pages, it is my version of a punching bag. I usually don’t mean the things I say in there when all is said and done, but it is key to me functioning in daily life, knowing that version of a punching bag is waiting for me at home when I feel like melting down in my daily life.