• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

What did I do wrong?

Butterfly88

Butterfly88

Butterfly Queen
V.I.P Member
Edit- This post is from 2016 but for some reason popped up, it's no longer relevant.


I called my therapist a scary lady and she seemed upset. I told her not to take it personally. I'm so nervous around her I shake. I said she was a scary lady as we were going down the hall to her office and she said something about social norms and controlling symptoms. Like she was upset I'd say it in public. But I don't see I did anything wrong but she made me feel like I should apologize so I did but she could tell it was an empty apology. What did I do wrong? I wish she had told me.
 
Last edited:
I agree with Mia. You didn't do anything wrong; and as a therapist, she should have learned not to take comments by clients personally anyway. She's there to put you at ease, not the other way around.
 
Frankly it sounded more like a case of your therapist failing her audition to help you. :eek:

Emphasizing things like "social norms" to anyone on the spectrum right off....doesn't sound like a good start. o_O
 
Thank you both!

Judge said:
Emphasizing things like "social norms" to anyone on the spectrum right off....doesn't sound like a good start. o_O
Click to expand...
I was thinking that too but I thought it was just me having weird thoughts. She also asked me to look at her once. Probably thinks I don't look at people because I'm on the spectrum but the real reason is because I'm afraid of her, I do look most people in the eye.
 
Butterfly88 said:
Thank you both!


I was thinking that too but I thought it was just me having weird thoughts. She also asked me to look at her once. Probably thinks I don't look at people because I'm on the spectrum but the real reason is because I'm afraid of her, I do look most people in the eye.
Click to expand...

Nothing scarier to me as a person on the spectrum dealing with alleged "professional help" who may insist on an overly-simplistic perception of autism. :eek:
 
Judge said:
Nothing scarier to me as a person on the spectrum dealing with alleged "professional help" who may insist on an overly-simplistic perception of autism. :eek:
Click to expand...
I never thought of it that way. I'm really seeing her for help with my PTSD so I thought we'd only be talking about that but I guess she has her own ideas. Maybe she knows PTSD but not autism? I don't know her specialties, I just told the counseling center all my diagnoses and they assigned her to me.
 
Butterfly88 said:
I never thought of it that way. I'm really seeing her for help with my PTSD so I thought we'd only be talking about that but I guess she has her own ideas. Maybe she knows PTSD but not autism? I don't know her specialties, I just told the counseling center all my diagnoses and they assigned her to me.
Click to expand...

Personally I just cringe at the thought of how many inadequately-trained personnel are dealing with autistic adults. I realize it's not up to me to determine who's qualified and who's not...but the situation exists and it always concerns me.

But then in my own situation I was formally treated for depression, social anxiety and OCD at a time when neurology and psychiatry were professionally unaware of any considerations of Aspergers Syndrome compounding my condition.

And my own experiences with an inadequately trained "therapist" were quite unproductive. Infuriating, in fact.
 
Last edited:
She is working for YOU, not the other way around. You call the shots. She should not be requesting eye contact, wether you are on the spectrum or not. You really do have the right to let her know how you feel.
 
Warmheart said:
ASD specialists understand PTSD. So many of us have the condition. Could you locate an ASD specialist?
Click to expand...
I suppose I could. I just feel PTSD is the primary issue in my case so I'm not sure if a PTSD specialist wouldn't be a better fit. I mean yes, I have ASD, but my PTSD more significantly effects my life.
 
There were treatment goals Mia, but they were all PTSD based. She's knows I'm on the spectrum but we didn't make any goals related to that. For that reason, I thought she wouldn't even bring up my ASD.

You're right warmheart, she is working for me. I will try to let her know how I feel.
 
Maybe you should then suggest to her that she stick to treating your PTSD, and outline what you expect. CBT for autism traits is a long and difficult therapy, and needs to be considered carefully on the part of the person going for this treatment. It's not something that should be done here and there, and it can be damaging to your sense of self.
 
It was totally inappropriate for your therapist to criticize you for stating your true feelings. That is one of the most outrageous things I have ever heard a therapist say. To request an apology from you is astounding misbehavior. I would report her to her supervisor if she has one.
 
You didn't do anything wrong at all. She is the one who is not taking her role as she should.

Reminds me of the time when I was seeking help and this one therapist just stared at me, which really caused me to feel deeply embarrassed and because of that, I blurted out to please stop staring at me! She then went on to say that I was jealous of her life and that was I embarrassed because I fancied her? I was so outraged that I got up and told her not to bother seeing me to the door and it is the last time I will ever see her again and as I turned, she was still staring at me!!!

My best therapist was a lady who did not call time ie if she felt I needed to speak, she encouraged me to and she even gave me her home phone number ( I never phoned) but goodness me, how complimented I felt.

I would personally seek another therapst, for being senitive or upset is hardly professional!
 
You shouldn't have to take care of her feelings--at all. Seriously. If she's so easily embarrassed by the things you say, that's truly an emotionally dangerous environment and it makes perfect sense you would think of her as a scary person--because she is. She's not in control of her own emotions and is relying on you to help her feel good about herself. This is not a good situation, and certainly not emotionally safe.

As for finding a therapist who can handle both autism and PTSD (which is a very serious issue and not something any autism specialist can necessarily handle if there's, say, childhood abuse in your history), it might help to find a PTSD specialist who focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This is a logic-based approach that tends to work well for aspies without a great deal of modification, even if the therapist is primarily a trauma therapist instead of an autism therapist. Maybe try to find someone who's open to learning about autism, and realizes they can use what they already know about CBT.
 
I have one of those. She claims to understand autism, but she interrupts me all the time and cuts our sessions short halfway through. Why, I think I'll complain about her.
 
Maybe its time to get a new therapist. Therapists are supposed to be understanding and this one took things way too personally she is supposed to help you and understand, you apologized and she saw it as something empty? Screw that thats not going to help YOUR needs and it is making things worse.
 
Last edited:
Butterfly88 said:
I just feel PTSD is the primary issue in my case so I'm not sure if a PTSD specialist wouldn't be a better fit. I mean yes, I have ASD, but my PTSD more significantly effects my life.
Click to expand...
Of the two, autism is the more fundamental and impacts how you communicate. A counselor needs to first know how to talk to you, if their success relies on talking to you...

If her specialty is PTSD, but she only speaks in a non-English language that you do not know, she will be ineffective. If she understands the autie frame of mind, she can talk to you in such a way as to be heard. (That is why you should start with an ASD specialist.)
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom