What do you do when you just can't take it anymore?

[Dias]

Sorry guys for posting this, I am sure you answered this many times, but what do you do when you are having a meltdown, and I don't even know if I am having one.
I just feel exhausted...I will share with you that I live and work in a very social environment. A community of beautiful spiritual people with big hearts, which is wonderful of course but on the other hand I just feel overwelmed all the time, too much people, noise, lights, too much expectation to behave properly all the time...I like these people I recognise their beautiful qualities, but it just clashes with how I am and feel in so many ways...they need to socialise I need quality time alone, they need to exteriorise their emotions and show it and I just feel like running away when they do it because I don't know how to handle it or what to say to them, I need silence, they can't stop talking, I am very practical and logical and down to earth, they are flying around all the time with their mind somewhere and that just irritates me deeply...I feel like a bad person most of the time because they are beautiful and warmhearted and willing to help and I just isolate myself more and more because I just can not handle it anymore due to exhaustion and I start behaving like a cold harted person and push everyone away, especially those who live and work more closely to me.
I don't know how to do it better. I can not run away and hide more than what I do already . I can not even explain how I feel because I am not diagnosed with Autism, I am still waiting, it takes 4 to 6 months to get the appointment .
Since I started facing the possibility of having Autism I am always in an emotional roller coaster.. trying to understand who I really am under all these layers of stuff, trying to start acting in a truthful way towards myself but in a compatible way with the people in my surroundings. I am a complete mess...

 

[Mr Allen]

I do 2 things, I have a major meltdown in front of my Parents, going on a long swear word filled rant about everything that's ever gone wrong in my life (dating back about 30 years when I was in secondary school)., I also go on a long swear word filled rant on my Wordpress.com Blog.

 

[Progster]

I take a long walk, on my own. Or I go to the bathroom, lock the door and spend a long time there. Or go to my bedroom, close the door, put in ear plugs and have a lie down or sleep.

 

[Fino]

If we literally mean "can't take it anymore," I do drugs, self-harm, attempt suicide, or some combination of the three.

"Autism" is a set of two sounds used to categorize a set of characteristics, behaviors, and thought tendencies an individual has.

Whatever characteristics, behaviors, and thought tendencies are a part of you, have, for the most part, always been a part of you. Being "diagnosed" with Autism is only a recognition, not an addition. It doesn't change anything about you other than your perception of you.

Try not to worry about "who you are" and just be yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but I think part of that is to guiltlessly allow yourself to do what you are naturally inclined to do.

You describe obligations toward certain behaviors, and I understand them completely, but I think it'd be best to let them go. You can explain to anyone kind why you behave the way you behave, but it's important that you behave in a way that is aligned with your Self.

The only person responsible for your happiness is you, so I say you take charge and make it happen, no matter what that means.

 

[Pats]

When I'm stuck somewhere and it's getting overwhelming - I hide out somewhere. If really irritated I'd find myself outside pacing often. I'm not sure there's any middle ground - so you're either somewhere uncomfortable and feeling the need to escape, or you're in solitude enjoying the peace and quiet.

 

[Sarah S]

What you need to do in my opinion is to first of al TRY to take a few deep breaths dear. Then its pretty obvious that this particular workplace isent suited for youre " iccues " shall we say. THEN DROP the guilt dear its NOT your fault, and also if possible try to speek about this with youre boss maybe he/she can find a way for you to have some cind of more calm and secluded work space. If this dont work then i see no other option then call in seek im afraid as its also to me pretty clear based on my own " iccues and previous failed attempt to fit in the job market that continue this way will only lead to youre going down HARD .

So what you need to do right now is to TRY to breath LONG deep breaths and try to CALM down Dias and while you do this keep talking to us or if you rather stay silent for a while and collect youre thoughts thats fine as well were right here listening so youre NOT alone dear.

 

[Loren]

If you mean a commune type of community, where it can be more difficult to isolate oneself for any length of time, you may need to consider moving, if possible. I don't think I would have the ability to live in that type of environment, as I would, likely, experience constant, sensory overload, which sounds to be what you are experiencing.

If you are unable to move, perhaps you could try taking additional time to yourself, if possible. What helps me is walking or hiking in a natural setting/ the hills above my house, or, the beach, or even on a street with abundant greenery. Breathing techniques and guided meditation help me when I begin to feel as though anxiety/ stress is setting in. Breathing, in and of itself, when unable to get away from your environment and all of the expectations, can be calming. I hope some of this can help.

 

[Sarah S]

Loren dear its okey you also made me see something id missed so id say were even

Reg this living and moving thing i as you Dias i cant live in to busy or active communities either dear so if this is the case i would suggest as Loren so accurately point out you should consider trying to find another place to live were its less crowdy and vibrant so to say. Waiting for this what you need to do is to try to find a way were youre able to relax and just be you dear. perhaps in youre home sit down or take refreshing bath and put on some nice and calming music that you know makes you relax. If you cant at youre own home then try to take a nice trip to the country side and just BE dear forget everything else just try to enjoy the nature and its pleasant sounds around you forget about the time how the day was what you need to do just be you Dias THATS what you need now some way of just detaching AL else and just be able to be YOU for while

 

[Tom]

Try and explain to them, as opportunities present themselves, that you are the type of person who needs a lot of private time, and that social interactions are very exhausting to you, and that it does not reflect upon how much you like or care about people. Just a quirk of your personality. You don't really have to mention autism at all, just explain a personality trait.

 

[Dias]

What you all say is true.
But I really don't want to leave this place, it is really emotionally and fisically demanding but I am also surrounded by very good people that are already doing the best they can to support me. I really can not ask more of them. It is a family not just a job. And that is what makes it more scary sometimes: when I had a "normal job" I would do my tasks, I would just go through it and in the end I would go back to my place doing the things I liked and relax a bit, but here there is no black and white line between work and pleasure, there are no clear rules like in a big company and so I get confused often about what is the right thing to do. We have to practise self awareness at all times, it is emotionally consuming always.
I do need to remind myself to take a step back and find my own ways to keep my balance. This means I need to know myself and this part is a big mess right now.

 

[OlLiE]

close the curtains, put on the headphones

 

[Sarah S]

="Dias, post: 578561, member: 21407"]What you all say is true.
But I really don't want to leave this place, it is really emotionally and fisically demanding but I am also surrounded by very good people that are already doing the best they can to support me. I really can not ask more of them. It is a family not just a job.

" I can understand this believe i can BUT as you say youre self youre drowning in there as it is dear im shore that youe boss would be willing to try to get hings to work for you hon perhaps if you get youe own secluded work space within said office "

And that is what makes it more scary sometimes: when I had a "normal job" I would do my tasks, I would just go through it and in the end I would go back to my place doing the things I liked and relax a bit, but here there is no black and white line between work and pleasure, there are no clear rules like in a big company and so I get confused often about what is the right thing to do. We have to practise self awareness at all times, it is emotionally consuming always.

" Again i understand and again if you try to talk to youre boss about this maybe some changes can be arranged to fit you better "

I do need to remind myself to take a step back and find my own ways to keep my balance. This means I need to know myself and this part is a big mess right now.

" yes you need to try to find a way were you can just as you say take a step back and find youre balance. Dias i have been trying to get to know and understand my self since i was very little up to now so believe me i know how hard it is, do you have any contact outside said awaiting evaluation ? I think you could do good to see a shrink while youre awaiting for said diagnose. & also as i said do continue to talk in here its what you need and its the same a you do with the pro´s (wich you defenetly also should see ) its called venting and it releases the inner pressure and gives you opportunity to find other ways of coping with said " iccues " and find youre inner strength that you dident know you had dear "

 

[Dias]

Yes I need to start venting. I don't like to feel that I am a burden or annoiance to anyone that is why I always repressed everything all my life. I never really learned to handle my emotions, I just kept it well covered somewhere. But this place makes all these things come to the surface and I can not hide it anymore.
Where I live now it gets dark early and I find it difficult to find time to go for a walk in Nature which I love. It is cold and snowing. I should also take vitamin D3 and this year I forgot, winter here is always more difficult for me, I come from a warmer sunny country.

 

[Sarah S]

Yes I need to start venting.

" yes you do dear "

I don't like to feel that I am a burden or annoiance to anyone that is why I always repressed everything all my life.

" And thats a few of the problems Dias keeping things bottled up al the time, and also feeling guilty for being a burden dear "

I never really learned to handle my emotions, I just kept it well covered somewhere. But this place makes all these things come to the surface and I can not hide it anymore.

" I know that feeling OH so well Dias "

Where I live now it gets dark early and I find it difficult to find time to go for a walk in Nature which I love.

" You do have weekends tho hon "

It is cold and snowing.

" Same over here (sweden ) "

I should also take vitamin D3 and this year I forgot, winter here is always more difficult for me, I come from a warmer sunny country.

" I understand i have similar problems winter time, I understand yes then it could be a somewhat difficult to adjust for shore & lack of D 3 could defenetly ad to youre mental status "

 

[Dias]

I don't have any contact outside like a psychologist or therapist. For the autism diagnose I contacted a specialised clinic and due to the fact that I am new in this country and don't speak the language yet they agreed to see me without a previous recommendation from a professional. Before this I never had any kind of therapy, I never trusted that they could help, mostly because of my own inability to say what was going on with me. Once, I was so depressed that I went to an emergency psychiatry appointment in the hospital but the doctor only gave me antidepressants, he did try to talk with me but I could not answer anything except I don't know...which was true. Only now that I am learning about autism can I put in to words what I experienced all my life.
It is very important to me when you say it is not my fault. Thank you for that. But I still have to process what it really means. In my mind I always need to find an explanation for everything and I think I will be one of those people that even if I am diagnosed with Autism I will still think that it will be my duty to fix it somehow. I can be really stubborn and stupid...

 

[Loren]

Yes I need to start venting. I don't like to feel that I am a burden or annoiance to anyone that is why I always repressed everything all my life. I never really learned to handle my emotions, I just kept it well covered somewhere. But this place makes all these things come to the surface and I can not hide it anymore.
Where I live now it gets dark early and I find it difficult to find time to go for a walk in Nature which I love. It is cold and snowing. I should also take vitamin D3 and this year I forgot, winter here is always more difficult for me, I come from a warmer sunny country.

I am the same, in regard to perceiving myself as an annoyance or burden, if I am to ask for anything, or express myself in any significant way.

If you haven't already tried the vitamin D3, I think you may find it quite helpful. I had become D3 deficient, at one point, and, soon, after I began taking it, I felt so much better. If you arent, already, aware, the drops (not capsules) are the most effective. Be sure they contain vitamin K2, as K2 synthesizes D3.

 

[Sarah S]

I don't have any contact outside like a psychologist or therapist.

" Okey do you think you will be able too ? "

For the autism diagnose I contacted a specialised clinic and due to the fact that I am new in this country and don't speak the language yet they agreed to see me without a previous recommendation from a professional.

" Okey thats good utliest "

Before this I never had any kind of therapy, I never trusted that they could help, mostly because of my own inability to say what was going on with me.

" I understand and i know that for many this is very hard"

Once, I was so depressed that I went to an emergency psychiatry appointment in the hospital but the doctor only gave me antidepressants, he did try to talk with me but I could not answer anything except I don't know...which was true.

" Okey well the doc did what he /she could dear "

Only now that I am learning about autism can I put in to words what I experienced all my life.

" You might also have multiple diagnosis like me dear BUT thats of course for the evaluation to determan of course (what i can say in my case with my latest evaluation when they found i also have ASD is that for me it was the final pices of the puzzle i tried to lay since i was born on who i am and why i am and so on "

It is very important to me when you say it is not my fault. Thank you for that.

" I know it is and the reason i do is ive i BEEN like you dear "

But I still have to process what it really means. In my mind I always need to find an explanation for everything and I think I will be one of those people that even if I am diagnosed with Autism I will still think that it will be my duty to fix it somehow. I can be really stubborn and stupid...

" I understand and this will take time for you to digest and process Diaz. finally being diagnosed will not change anything dear what it will do IF this is the case is to give YOU and also the professionals something to work on to better try to get youe life in order and also help you identify youre " iccues " and also hopefully find a way to be able to cope and adapt to said " iccues . Again thees no guarantee you will be diagnosed as Autism =ASD and also you might be Multiple or other so called NSD Diagnosis dear (autism is one ,ADHD is one for ex ) so i dont wont you to stay firm in i have Autism you THINK you may have Autism yes and thats what the evaluation will help determan if indeed you have it or multiple or other diagnosis. And the stubborn bit im the same and for me i can honestly say thats one of the reasons i got as far as i actually did before i had to accept defeat and step down. NOTHING wrong with being stubborn dear and i DONT think youre stupid hon , and NO IF you infact get a NSD or other diagnose it DONT mean you are now obligated to do something about it Dias if anything its youre obligation towards youre self to ACCEPT and try to ADAPT and try as best to youre ability's to move on in life dear NOTHING else "

 

[inkfingers]

I usually just have a meltdown, which includes the following: uncontrollable crying, irrational, illogical ramblings, and an overwhelming flood of emotions. When I had a part time job, I ended up quitting because all of the socialization caused me to suffer autistic burnout. Basically, my brain kind of shut down, and I could not function properly. My mind was foggy, and when I walked, it felt like I had a 300 pound weight strapped to each foot. When I got home from work, I crashed and slept for a very long time.
It might be helpful to tell your coworkers/boss that you suspect you have autism, or just explain that you are very introverted and have trouble with all of the social input. Most importantly, don't lie to them. If they are as awesome as you describe, I am sure they will be understanding and helpful.

 

[china autie]

Lights: hats with brims, sunglasses-- try different color lenses to find the color that works best for you.
Noise: Noise cancelling headphones.
Active environments: being in a corner helps me.
Best wishes!

 

[Shamar]

I've said this before. When things get out of hand and I can't deal with the stress anymore, I go deep into the woods, find a big stick, and beat on the rocks while screaming at the top of my lungs until I'm too tired to go on. Hopefully, it doesn't hurt the rocks or at least they understand. Anyway, it works for me.

Don't face the possibility of having autism. Accept it if it fits. The autism is part of what makes you you. Learn how it affects you. The more you know about it, the better prepared you are to deal with the consequences. Yes, it will take time to come to terms with how things might have been different had you known, but this is part of the healing. I am still dealing with this 7 years after my diagnosis, but finally knowing helps a lot.