What does it mean when a boy hugs me?

[SingSong]

Hi all,


As you have probably guessed I'm new here, I will get around to posting in the welcome section later, so here's a little bit about me to help you answer my question. I have been officially diagnosed a little over 3 years ago with AS, right before I entered high school and now I am going into gr. 12. From the time of the diagnosis new supports have been place which have helped greatly, but I still struggle greatly socially. Which brings me to why I am here.


I have been trying to figure out what it means when a boy hugs me. Usually I would ask my mum, but we are farmers and have just entered our crazy busy season. I have been searching the internet to see if I could come up with an answer, but of course I didn't and I thought it would just be easier to ask someone.


Of course I know it depends on your relationship with the other person so here is a little bit of my story. I have known him for about two years as friends. We both are competitive in the same sport and we are pretty much the only people our age competing in Ontario so we spend a fair bit of time together. We are together at least three times a week. He is much better than me so he has taken on the role of my Jr. coach.


Monday mum had me run some stuff over to his house and before I left he hugged me. I was planing on only staying for a few minutes but I ended up staying 45 because he kept talking. I wasn't surprised when he hugged me because we have hugged after a good race, but this hug was different than what I have been taught. It was tighter and longer, than a thank you for bringing this over type hug.


I have seen him twice seen then and each time we have hugged good bye, which is strange to me.

Your insight is appreciated

 

[Streetwise]

can i ask sensitively do any lower areas of his torso seem to to change in tone ie harder or softer
do you think about him frequently ?do you talk very intimately when you are both together or is it childish

Hi all,


As you have probably guessed I'm new here, I will get around to posting in the welcome section later, so here's a little bit about me to help you answer my question. I have been officially diagnosed a little over 3 years ago with AS, right before I entered high school and now I am going into gr. 12. From the time of the diagnosis new supports have been place which have helped greatly, but I still struggle greatly socially. Which brings me to why I am here.


I have been trying to figure out what it means when a boy hugs me. Usually I would ask my mum, but we are farmers and have just entered our crazy busy season. I have been searching the internet to see if I could come up with an answer, but of course I didn't and I thought it would just be easier to ask someone.


Of course I know it depends on your relationship with the other person so here is a little bit of my story. I have known him for about two years as friends. We both are competitive in the same sport and we are pretty much the only people are age competing in Ontario so we spend a fare bit of time together. We are together at least three times a week. He is much better than me so he has taken on the role of my Jr. coach.


Monday mum had me run some stuff over to his house and before I left he hugged me. I was planing on only staying for a few minutes but I ended up staying 45 because he kept talking. I wasn't surprised when he hugged me because we have hugged after a good race, but this hug was different than what I have been taught. It was tighter and longer, than a thank you for bringing this overr type hug.


I have seen him twice seen then and each time we have hugged good bye, which is strange to me.

Your insight is appreciated

 

[Flinty]

A hug could mean just about anything.

I'm a bit unclear about your relationship. If this is officially a coaching relationship, then meaning more than friendship is at best borderline unethical. Otherwise, you might just ask him.

 

[Crossbreed]

I can't help thinking that it (at least, partially) depends on whether you are a girl or a boy, since that remains unstated.

 

[Alaska]

Hi all,


As you have probably guessed I'm new here, I will get around to posting in the welcome section later, so here's a little bit about me to help you answer my question. I have been officially diagnosed a little over 3 years ago with AS, right before I entered high school and now I am going into gr. 12. From the time of the diagnosis new supports have been place which have helped greatly, but I still struggle greatly socially. Which brings me to why I am here.


I have been trying to figure out what it means when a boy hugs me. Usually I would ask my mum, but we are farmers and have just entered our crazy busy season. I have been searching the internet to see if I could come up with an answer, but of course I didn't and I thought it would just be easier to ask someone.


Of course I know it depends on your relationship with the other person so here is a little bit of my story. I have known him for about two years as friends. We both are competitive in the same sport and we are pretty much the only people our age competing in Ontario so we spend a fair bit of time together. We are together at least three times a week. He is much better than me so he has taken on the role of my Jr. coach.


Monday mum had me run some stuff over to his house and before I left he hugged me. I was planing on only staying for a few minutes but I ended up staying 45 because he kept talking. I wasn't surprised when he hugged me because we have hugged after a good race, but this hug was different than what I have been taught. It was tighter and longer, than a thank you for bringing this over type hug.


I have seen him twice seen then and each time we have hugged good bye, which is strange to me.

Your insight is appreciated

Hi Sing Song. welcome to AF!!!

Sorry you are experiencing confusion about your situation. As you seem to know, social skills are not great among most people on the Autism Spectrum. Since you did not grow up with a diagnosis, it will probably be up to you to figure out how to deal with your lack of social skills.

One thing that will probably be of use to you now is to study the seven universal microexpressions by looking at videos on the internet. General Body Language study will also help you now and in the future.

If you need help with a few links, you can find some on my blog on this site called, "Musings". You will need to look. Through the titles to spot the correct posts since I have only one blog here and post on different subjects.

 

[Momo]

A hug means it's time to run! He's going to eat you!

 

[Lorelaine]

I would go as far to say he likes you! When I was around your age, I had a guy friend who hugged me like that and was very nice to me and found out years later that he liked me but that I was oblivious to his very obvious social cues (hence the Asperger's). My recommendation would be to ask him straight up what the hug meant (i.e. was it a friend hug or an affectionate hug). I would ask literally, "When you hugged me, did you hug me as a friend or as something more?", so as to not have him misunderstand, since it's very easy for others to misinterpret or misunderstand us. It's good to have the opinions of others to help identify the situation, but you'll never know his intentions unless you ask him.

(May I also ask where you live in Ontario? I myself am in Caledon, also a farming city).

 

[Keigan]

A hug means it's time to run! He's going to eat you!

I agree, it is too much for casual friends.

Establish your boundaries.