What I can’t stand about the Autism Community.

[JayD210]

Things I can’t stand in the Autism Community

This one’s a bit touchy for me because I’m dealing with a part of this right now with someone. I’ve mentioned many times I’ve been diagnosed with Autism nearly my entire life as I come up on age 39. I firmly believe that people who can advocate for Autism should do so. I myself advocate for Autism. I believe Parents of Children with Autism need to advocate for their child or children on the Soectrum. In my experience, it’s been amazing to see the growth in the number of people out in the world willing to hang in with us and take on the banner themselves. Some of those people I’ve encountered aren’t on the Spectrum and don’t have family with Autism either, yet they still hang in with us and take on that banner. Those people are truly amazing.

What I can’t stand are a number of things. I’ve met other Autism Advocates who have a much bigger presence than I will ever willingly have. They say never meet your heroes, I learned it the hard way. I was bullied by that person and others tied to her. They tried to ruin me and interfere with my life between my Better Half and I. I’m the type of person who looks after people and am a people pleaser. That was used against me. When I’d ask this person if she was doing okay casually, I was screamed at with “Stop calling out my symptoms”. Mind you this individual was diagnosed 19 years after I was and is 14 years older than I am. I can’t stand those who weaponize Autism against those around them may it be their Autism or that of a loved one. So glad I parted ways with that individual 15 years ago and only knew her for a few months as a roommate. Never again.

This next part is something I’m currently dealing with and it sucks. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m the youngest of three and one of my Older Sisters, the oldest of us, passed away in September 2021 just weeks shy of turning 38. I miss her terribly because she was my defender and protector. She was often the only friend I had at times. Then there is my other Sister who is herself an Autism Mom. This the same Sister who bullied me constantly growing up, calling me “R****d” all the time. She was held accountable for it all the time by my Mom and she blamed me for her getting in trouble for bullying me. My Nephew will be 15 this year and he’s largely nonverbal, Autism Level 4, will require intensive support for daily living for the rest of his life. I mentioned before that I’m a Security Professional coming up on 21 years of experience come October, and that I did 7 years of Search & Rescue. I’ve worked Volunteer at events and at Churches. I’ve worked Field Investigations while traveling. I’m Loss Prevention/Asset Protection currently and for the majority of my career. I’ve even done Armed VIP Transport and Protection for the Resorts in Las Vegas. What gripe me to no end is that my own surviving Sister refers to me as “Kid” and other things. She has ghosted all of my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and both of our Parents. She has cut my Nephew off from the very people who are more than willing to help support him. My Mom hasn’t seen her own Grandson more than a few times since he was 5 years old. Then more recently, I’ve been dealing with my Dad who was horribly abusive to us when we were Kids in Texas, leading to the addiction that killed our Sister. He battled Stage 3 Throat Cancer and is still in a rough spot though improving. She won’t assist me in any way and when I fill her in, she tells me that she doesn’t want to deal with it. Then a couple weeks ago, she texts me wanting me to get things from our Mother and Father who she refuses to speak to. Excuse me, but I’m not your Middleman Mercenary Service. You’re not going to sit there, pass judgment on people, make horrible accusations against them, leave me in the field in a dangerous spot as expendable, then turn around and use me for your own personal gain. Obviously she has completely failed to comprehend where I’ve been the last 16 years since leaving California. I’ve been to Hell and back multiple times, dealing with people who nearly cost me my life. I’ve put people in Prison, two of them for the rest of their lives. I deal with people like her who use and abuse without any kind of thought or consideration for those they impact. She then accuses all of them of treating my Better Half and I differently. Excuse me? Really? Hell no that’s not the case. Far from it. If anyone I’m related to has ever treated me differently, it’s her and has been continually. My Mom, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins actually respect me. Her own Husband respects me. Obviously she has no respect for me or anyone else but herself. She has used my Nephew’s Autism to get her way or to get out of things. She has tried to weaponize Autism against me to manipulate me unsuccessfully. Rest of my Relatives when it comes to my Better Half, if there’s something cool or fun that I’ve experienced that she hasn’t, my Mom, Uncles, Aunts, and Cousins have coordinated with me to make sure that’s no longer the case. We are pending a visit out west to visit them all for the first time in a year. This could very well be the very last time I see my surviving Sister and my Nephew because I am going to tell her directly that I will not be manipulated nor will I allow her to take advantage of me.

I can’t stand anyone who allows their Autism to consume them to the point where they become a nasty person. Even worse are those who try to use Autism against you in a ploy to use you to get what they want, especially when it’s a family member who should know better than to pull that crap knowing I deal with that stuff from Crackheads and Thieves for a living. As you can see, my patience for such shenanigans is nonexistent. I used to be a pushover a long time ago but all the years of dealing with this from all angles has eroded my trust and patience for people. I’m willing to be fair but I also must be harsh when the situation warrants me to be. Sucks that I have to do this but I must cut out those who are hell bent on being toxic.

 

[velociraptor]

I firmly believe that people who can advocate for Autism should do so

I have other things I'd rather being doing with my time like using a camera, hiking, or paddling my board across a lake. Good for you if you enjoy autism advocacy, but you have no business telling me how to live my own life.

 

[vergil96]

It sounds like you need to set boundaries with your sister. Autistic people and their family members come in all shapes and sizes and some display toxic behaviours too.

I can’t stand anyone who allows their Autism to consume them to the point where they become a nasty person.

I agree with you. Difficulties aren't a reason to become a mean person.

I hope you manage to resolve the issue

 

[JayD210]

I have other things I'd rather being doing with my time like using a camera, hiking, or paddling my board across a lake. Good for you if you enjoy autism advocacy, but you have no business telling me how to live my own life.

I’m not trying to tell anyone how to live there life, nor will I sit here and be accused of such. If it came off that way, my mistake.

 

[JayD210]

It sounds like you need to set boundaries with your sister. Autistic people and their family members come in all shapes and sizes and some display toxic behaviours too.


I agree with you. Difficulties aren't a reason to become a mean person.

I hope you manage to resolve the issue

Issue with her is when one does set boundaries with her, that person is suddenly the bad guy. Then she will cut you off, which that part isn’t the problem because I’m about to do the same with her. I’ve exhausted every other option I could ever try with her for the sake of my nephew but I’m on the other side of the US on the East Coast and she’s on the West Coast. I’m really not look forward to that visit next week.

 

[vergil96]

Issue with her is when one does set boundaries with her, that person is suddenly the bad guy.

Classic response of toxic people. They want to keep on doing what they are doing and will try force and scare tactics.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

It sounds to me more like family problems than problems with autistic advocates.

It sounds like your sister is taking up a lot of time and energy that you don’t really have to spend, and keep your life sane. Why visit her at all? Actions speak louder than words. You can just cut her off.

It’s unfortunate, but sometimes necessary. I’ve done it myself.

 

[Xinyta]

@JayD210 You are definitely in a tough place. I do agree your sister is being unreasonable and unnecessarily toxic.

One thing I'd like to state is that us ND folks are far more likely to fall into mental health problems and addictions. And it's harder to dig out of it, once you're in it. I know, because I've been living with mental health problems of my own. So I understand where you are coming from. I've been down the road of wanting to commit suicide, myself. But alot of it was due to the dark place I've stuck myself in mentally. I introverted myself and isolated myself to such a degree that it really messed with me.

But the alternative is to lash out. To give scorn to those around you that you perceive are constantly attacking you. And I think your sister may have something like that going on. Acting out because everything is a perceived threat to her, that isn't part of whatever she thinks is the case.

World veiws can mess with people like that. It's unfortunate that your nephew is being subjected to her antics. I feel for him.

What I can’t stand are a number of things. I’ve met other Autism Advocates who have a much bigger presence than I will ever willingly have. They say never meet your heroes, I learned it the hard way. I was bullied by that person and others tied to her. They tried to ruin me and interfere with my life between my Better Half and I. I’m the type of person who looks after people and am a people pleaser. That was used against me. When I’d ask this person if she was doing okay casually, I was screamed at with “Stop calling out my symptoms”. Mind you this individual was diagnosed 19 years after I was and is 14 years older than I am. I can’t stand those who weaponize Autism against those around them may it be their Autism or that of a loved one. So glad I parted ways with that individual 15 years ago and only knew her for a few months as a roommate. Never again.

Yeah. Autists of this sort, are living in the world of victimhood and virtue signaling. Best avoid them. Though there is also people who fake being autistic to get what they want. Typically attention and to live perpetually on the dole. Not do anything to improve themselves. Because they 'don't have to'.

I can’t stand anyone who allows their Autism to consume them to the point where they become a nasty person. Even worse are those who try to use Autism against you in a ploy to use you to get what they want, especially when it’s a family member who should know better than to pull that crap knowing I deal with that stuff from Crackheads and Thieves for a living. As you can see, my patience for such shenanigans is nonexistent. I used to be a pushover a long time ago but all the years of dealing with this from all angles has eroded my trust and patience for people. I’m willing to be fair but I also must be harsh when the situation warrants me to be. Sucks that I have to do this but I must cut out those who are hell bent on being toxic.

Unfortunately there will always be people in the world that will feed on the vulnerable and gullible. They are not to hard to spot, once you know what to look for and are easy to set off. Namely because of thier own insecurities.

 

[FayetheAspie]

@Xinyta The other alternative is to forgive and move on. This is always the best of those three choices even when it's not the easiest one.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I can’t stand anyone who allows their Autism to consume them to the point where they become a nasty person. Even worse are those who try to use Autism against you in a ploy to use you to get what they want, especially when it’s a family member who should know better than to pull that crap knowing I deal with that stuff from Crackheads and Thieves for a living. As you can see, my patience for such shenanigans is nonexistent. I used to be a pushover a long time ago but all the years of dealing with this from all angles has eroded my trust and patience for people. I’m willing to be fair but I also must be harsh when the situation warrants me to be. Sucks that I have to do this but I must cut out those who are hell bent on being toxic.

You and me, brother. I totally agree. I am very quick to cut people out of my life that are toxic, weak, negative, etc. They are parasites that will suck the life out of anyone they come in contact with.

I really try to be the positive one. I present the silver linings in every situation when I can. Most of the time, I don't see problems, but rather opportunities to do something better.

It's a difficult thing though when most people's minds are wired for negativity. You see it all the time, someone presents a situation, and immediately someone's got to chime in with some song and dance reason why it can't be done, it's a bad idea, a lot of naysaying. The best thing I can do for myself is ignore all that noise, don't ask for anyone's help or opinion, and just travel my own path. It's worked pretty darn well. Have a plan or goal and then execute without hesitation.

What I seen in this world is that there is WAY too much, "I can't", "It isn't fair", or worse, "Let's blame these people for,...". There is WAY too much weaponized empathy, these "judging Karen's" who think it's their right to go out of their way to point out injustices in the world by being an absolute Batman villain towards other people, defiant when they get called out on their nonsense. There is WAY too much victim mentality combined with a general lack of responsibility and accountability for oneself. How about you forget about other people and focus on the person in the mirror? If "everyone doesn't like you" then it's probably you, not them. Most of the time, other people don't stop you from doing something, but rather YOU stop yourself from doing something. No courage enough to say, "Forget it" and do it anyways. Easier to wallow in self pity or blame. There is WAY too much weakness, the people who are too meek and mild to take on a person face-to-face, the people who scream "easy victim" to bullies, criminals, and mental abusers.

I am glad you have had enough toxicity in your life and stopped being a doormat for people to walk on. Awesome! 1) Always come from a position of power, and 2) don't take yourself so darned seriously, and those two things alone will pretty much remove any power that anyone can hold over you.

 

[Aspychata]

Agree with so much of what is written, truthfully, relatives are actually more toxic than random strangers. Just disengage, and don't give her your energy or time. It's amazing how accomplished you are, just ghost her. Her loss.