What is the likelihood of those on the spectrum finding love?

[Mr. Jones]

I don?t know if this thread belongs in the forum about love and dating or this one?

Was thinking about this for much of the last week. A week ago I attended a brunch arranged online on a website called Meetup.com. The brunch was for anyone in the surrounding area between the ages of 20-29 looking to expand their social circle and meet new people. You can imagine that I was the only person at the brunch that was on the spectrum; it was an uncomfortable and somewhat negative experience for me.

Afterwards, I began to think about the likelihood of developing a loving relationship in the future. For several years I have been alone because I have been unable to find anyone that likes me. Most women will reject or ignore me on the spot or after our first meeting if it was initiated online.

My best friend who lives in the United States says that she believes I will develop such a relationship in the future, but what is the likelihood of that? What is the likelihood of any of us developing those relationships? Based on what I have read online, it looks dismal statistically. Sometimes I think that socializing and relationships are a lost cause for me.

What are your thoughts on the likelihood or statistics of those on the spectrum finding love and developing relationships? Do most of us live our lives alone?

Would like to read that Tony Atwood book on Aspergers; it might have information on this subject.

 

[epath13]

what about you best friend? Or that's not feasible?

anyway I have a couple of questions and I hope I don't sound to harsh or anything. I'm usually a "trying to be nice" kind of person but I'm sick right now so it's kinda difficult for me to be sweet

What if you find out that according to statistics most of the people on the spectrum have trouble with relationships or/ and single? What will it prove?

Another question is, have you ever tried to analyze why you're having difficulties? Do you think it's because of Asperger's (or whatever you've been diagnosed with)?

The thing is some people find love "naturally", they see each, they fall in love, they spend the rest of their lives together or what not. But majority whether you're on the spectrum or not have to work for it, have to figure things out, decide what's important and compromise. With socializing the same thing, to some people it comes naturally and those kind of people are not very likely to end up alone unless they want to (and looks don't matter that much btw). Some people have to practice and work hard on developing social skills. For people on the spectrum it's even harder.
I believe there's one more problem with people on the spectrum, sometimes it's hard for the rest of the world to relate to us and for us to relate to the rest of the world. For me personally - I have hard time relating to anyone at all. It is hard but it's possible to find a way around deficiencies, once you figure out what' is the most important thing that you're looking for.

I had a friend long time ago, he was a virgin until he was 24, he met a woman, dated her for a bit but didn't want to get married because she wasn't "good" enough or something or maybe because he wasn't ready. He always told me that he wanted someone who looked like a photo model, plus he wanted to meet her in one of those unexpected romantic situations like in movies or something. I mean, he was quite good at socializing but had his issues. Basically in the end (at the age of 40) he did meet someone, and according to another friend of ours, quite nice and good looking actually. Now they seem to be happy together.

I mean I think sometimes it's about figuring out what you want exactly. You shouldn't give up on your dreams but you should also try to be realistic. I'm not going to give any advice, and I don't even think you've asked for it. The only thing I have to say - you don't have to be a statistic.

 

[Socialskillsdan]

It might take longer and require more work, but it's totally possible. I'm on the spectrum and I've had two wonderful loving relationships, and I am confident I will have a third when the time is right. Just because you start further back than many people doesn't make it impossible for you--it just means you need to be willing to put in the work to overcome the challenges of Asperger's. It sounds like you've already found one person (your best friend) who appreciates and values you for who you are. You will find more

 

[landlubber]

I find the word love to be difficult to understand because of its vagueness. I think a lot of people think that it means lust. Anyway I met a girl and we became friends. I got invited over to the States to work and we kept in touch. After a while she said that she missed me and she would like to come over for a visit. I was living in Orange county CA at the time. I sent her some money for the fare cos it was expensive and after 3 months she said that her visa had run out and there were only 2 alternatives. We had moved to LA then and so we drove to Vegas and got married. I wouldn't say that we love each other but I still like being with her. At the start neither of us thought that we would be in a relationship because of our cultural and age difference but it happened when I least expected it.

 

[Roxy]

I think it's completely possible to find a special person to spend your life with. I met my husband 31 years ago in April and we've been married 30 years in August. I was just 16 when we met but I knew straight away he was 'the one'. Thankfully he was happy with that!

Whether you're on the spectrum or not, finding that relationship just happens, most likely when you're not even looking.

 

[KinksFan]

I believe that if that's a big goal for somebody who's on the spectrum, than they fill find love and romance. There are many people on the spectrum who are happily married.

 

[greeneyedgirl]

i dont think you will be alone my husband and i are both aspies and we have been together almost 20 years and we have 3 kids .. my youngest is also aspie.. so yes it can be done but you have to find the right person

 

[danielcollins]

You will be fine, we are all in the same boat.

I totally hear what you mean thought.. as others have said don't be a statistic just enjoy yourself and like my current relationship they turn up when you're not looking.

The problems I've had the most with are all of my partners have said I'm intolerable and they can't live with my autism (Which I can understand, I find myself irritating some times) just makes it hard to believe that things will ever get better some times.

Things are going in the right direction first it was: "Don't use it as an excuse" and then it was "I can't stand you" now it's "I find you hard to live with" I'm lucky in the sense that my partner at this present moment in time is making an effort to help and be supportive, but I think perversely what he likes about me is part of said autism.