What should I do?

[Matteovietnamese]

I am 17, half-Mexican, and have been diagnosed with high-functioning autism since I was 3 years old, I have been working out for 27 days and eating healthy, and have a gym membership, when I was 16 years old, I unfortunately got sucked into the incel community but left right after it got too damaging for me, I don't agree with incels at all anymore except for the fact that they say if you go to Southeast Asia and learn the language, you will get a girlfriend.

I somewhat agree with this theory except for the fact I want to go to Vietnam instead of Thailand and learn the language, I have had Vietnamese books brought to my house recently but I haven't been able to study them and use them properly because these people bully me on online forums outside of autism spaces when I talk to them about my goals and ambitions or self-improvement.

I really don't know what to do but I feel like learning a language while self-improving can increase my chances of finding a girlfriend in Southeast Asia and help me find a partner who cares about me for being autistic and respects me for being Mexican, what do you all think, could it work?

My reasonings for doing this is that I think that if I go to Vietnam, all the self-improvement I'm doing will pay off and I will have learned about another culture I like and have a Vietnamese girlfriend.

Is this a good or bad idea? Will it work or will it end up not working, please let me know in the replies, I barely interact with people in real life and have trouble socializing so I want to know your thoughts.

 

[Gerontius]

Bad Idea. I don't think a good fellow should listen to an Incel. Remember they call the Asian girls "noodlewhores" and other slang.

I got a girlfriend who is even ok with me being asexual and we're madly in love. Nobody even had to leave the country.

I think you should work on socialization and cultivate lots of healthy offline interests. Be a stud like Gerard Wilgus on here.


You are perfectly fine for being Mexican too. I've never seen a Mexican man who didn't find him a senorita, grew up in the deep South and the Catholic churches were full of Hispanic families. So many happy young fellows! and so many bright and smiling women!


Their secret was being part of a healthy, hearty community. Find your place, your niche. Then you can cultivate friendship that would help all your life.


And probably you will get in touch with a nice lady too.

 

[Aspychata]

If you want to go to Vietnam, that's your choice. Just realize it may feel difficult until you get a better grasp on the language. Check out Duolingo on your mobile. I am pretty sure they have Vietnamese language. A little bit of ads, however it is university level and you can go as fast or slow as you want. I suffered culture shock when l arrived in Finland as not everyone spoke Finnish. The store people disappeared when l shopped. Because l might ask a question. But l also had a lot of great experiences and even took piano lessons for free at the high school.

You also could check for a dating site in America, perhaps you might find a Vietnamese lady. I moved to Hawaii, and wasn't looking and met a local guy who is still friends with me many years later. Good luck.

It might help to be proficient at something before you travel there so that you can find work once you arrive. You also want to check visa requirements and have your passport ready to go. If you could find a position over there, this would give a chance to integrate quicker. Perhaps you could teach people Spanish or English there. Maybe a certificate saying you are proficient in Spanish and English.

 

[Matthias]

Is this a good or bad idea? Will it work or will it end up not working, please let me know in the replies, I barely interact with people in real life and have trouble socializing so I want to know your thoughts.

It sounds like a terrible idea. Culture and language barriers make socializing much more difficult and having poor social skills makes it more likely people will take advantage of you or harm you. Since you already have difficulty talking to people in your own country who speak the same language, I don't think the trip would end well.

My advice is to read self-help books about social skills, relationships, and emotional intelligence (very important for friendships and romantic relationships) and practice using what you learn with people around you. College is one of the best places to meet women so I definitely recommend going if you're able to get in and afford it. Even if you don't go to college, you should still be able to get a girlfriend where you live now if you're willing to work hard at improving yourself. You'll need good social skills to maintain any relationship no matter which country she is from.

 

[Aspychata]

It sounds like a terrible idea. Culture and language barriers make socializing much more difficult and having poor social skills makes it more likely people will take advantage of you or harm you. Since you already have difficulty talking to people in your own country who speak the same language, I don't think the trip would end well.

My advice is to read self-help books about social skills, relationships, and emotional intelligence (very important for friendships and romantic relationships) and practice using what you learn with people around you. College is one of the best places to meet women so I definitely recommend going if you're able to get in and afford it. Even if you don't go to college, you should still be able to get a girlfriend where you live now if you're willing to work hard at improving yourself. You'll need good social skills to maintain any relationship no matter which country she is from.

I was actually quite shy and reserved when l went to Europe. That's why l suggested he try to have a job lined up. This makes a big difference.

 

[VictorR]

Please forgive me if I’m being blunt in my responses.

1)
What is your interest in learning Vietnamese?

When one learns a language, it’s usually to connect with their heritage, a family member or friend, for professional purposes, or out of personal interest in a culture (for the last one, an example would be learning a language so you could read literary works originally published in that language, rather than relying on translations).

If you’re interested in learning Vietnamese because you have an actual interest in Vietnamese history or culture and want to better connect – great!

If you’re interested in learning Vietnamese because you think it’ll help improve your chances of getting a girlfriend, I’m not impressed. And if this is the case, and you chose Vietnam/Vietnamese rather than Thailand/Thai simply to be different than those whom you say you got the idea from, I’m sorry, no points from me for that either.

2)
How people introduce themselves tells us what they think is important.
In your first five words you gave us your age, some details about your heritage.

2a)
I have no idea why you feel it’s important to tell us about your heritage. To be honest, when I’m interacting with someone, their race/ethnicity/national origin is irrelevant to me. But the fact that you mentioned your heritage right away means that it’s of importance to you. Drawing from your third paragraph, it sounds like you’re experiencing some difficulties on account of your that aspect of your background, and if so, I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. But who are these people who are disrespecting you and what is their relationship to you? If you are being bullied at school due to your background, this is a serious matter that you and your parents need to discuss with the administration. On the other hand, if people you’re trying to connect with are refusing relationships on the basis of your background – those are people you wouldn’t want to befriend anyways.


2b)
You’re quite young. You have a lot of life to live, and lots of opportunities to organically meet someone who might end up being your girlfriend. No need to rush. Keep in mind that while many gals are taken advantage of in relationships, that guys can be taken advantage of as well. And autistic individuals, given our tendencies, including being overly trusting and social naivety (sorry for the stereotypes), are at a heightened risk of getting into an abusive relationship without realizing it. How do you know if someone genuinely likes or loves you, or if they’re just using you as a means for money and/or a passport?


3)
I’m glad to hear you’re eating well and trying to take care of yourself.

But taking care of yourself involves not just healthy eating and exercise, but having an overall balanced life, including hobbies/interests where you can grow, and being a part of your community, however that may be, in addition to the communities of your interests, as long as they’re healthy ones.

I’m glad you’re seeking advice as that means you’re open to thoughts and ideas, and I hope you’ll take those shared with you in this thread to heart.

 

[Matthias]

I was actually quite shy and reserved when l went to Europe. That's why l suggested he try to have a job lined up. This makes a big difference.

If you traveled from the US to European countries with a similar culture where many people spoke English, that's not nearly as difficult as what he may be considering (if he doesn't or never lived in an Asian country or knows any languages similar to Vietnamese). That said, if people in Vietnam are more open, friendly, and accepting than people in the country where @Matteovietnamese currently lives, I can see how visiting might help improve his social skills or help him get a girlfriend especially if he is able to get a job. However, years spent studying Vietnamese language and culture could be spent improving social skills so it still might not be worth it. Also, it might be easier moving to another location within his country or moving to a country with a similar language and culture.

I'm not trying to discourage Matteo from going to Vietnam. I think it's great to learn new languages and travel to other countries but I wouldn't recommend he avoid people for the next 3 years to spend all his time focused on Vietnam because he thinks it's the only way he can get a girlfriend.

 

[Aspychata]

If you traveled from the US to European countries with a similar culture where many people spoke English, that's not nearly as difficult as what he may be considering (if he doesn't or never lived in an Asian country or knows any languages similar to Vietnamese). That said, if people in Vietnam are more open, friendly, and accepting than people in the country where @Matteovietnamese currently lives, I can see how visiting might help improve his social skills or help him get a girlfriend especially if he is able to get a job. However, years spent studying Vietnamese language and culture could be spent improving social skills so it still might not be worth it. Also, it might be easier moving to another location within his country or moving to a country with a similar language and culture.

I'm not trying to discourage Matteo from going to Vietnam. I think it's great to learn new languages and travel to other countries but I wouldn't recommend he avoid people for the next 3 years to spend all his time focused on Vietnam because he thinks it's the only way he can get a girlfriend.

But maybe he likes Vietnamese woman. Maybe he will be motivated to learn quickly this language. Maybe he likes the culture. I just set off on the path of going to Europe with no plan at 18 years-old. At his age, he just wants to experience life. University degrees are not worth much these days. I had a friend whose son graduated with a degree and is just barely getting by.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

To me, all this stuff of "getting girlfriends" like they were objets is disgusting.

Is there an offer in Russia? Maybe Ucranians who want to scape? Are they more obedient at Thailand? Is there more povertry at some mexican communities?

Dis-gus-ting.

Girls are not objects, and they are not servants, non sexual slaves. They have not come to the world to obey any men, non to clean our homes...

I was born and raised in Spain (Europe) and I am living now at Mexico with my mexican wife.

The situation here for girls its already bad enougth. We should be working for a more equal world, not migrating to even more unequal places to just buy girls we could use as we pleased. That its insane.

Years ago when I went to Cuba to do some work I was offered teens by their mothers!

"She will serve you well for some years" Just take her with you, she has no oportunities here...

 The question is not where its easier to "tame" a female human being to satisfy your needs.

The question is to be the kind of man that a woman would be happy to share her life and proyects with. And that has nothing to do with countries. Its just self work.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Their secret was being part of a healthy, hearty community. Find your place, your niche. Then you can cultivate friendship that would help all your life.

That is so important! It takes a while to learn all the ins and outs of a culture and understanding all the working assumptions in a culture is far harder than the challenge of learning social communication in one's own culture. And, in any culture, never treat women as objects. That is the way to attract the wrong people who see you as ripe for exploitation.

I have worked in Japan and indonesia and visited Taiwan, Malaysia and Thailand and while treating people with respect, there was much I did not understand. I did at times feel that some people were looking to take advantage of me, so some healthy caution is warranted in interactions.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think you should work on socialization and cultivate lots of healthy offline interests. Be a stud like Gerard Wilgus on here.

@Gerontius I think of myself as being as far from being studly as one can be. My only saving graces are my interests, enjoying life and other people, and being as active as my age allows. While I have had fantasies, I am too pragmatic to harbor an over inflated ego. Life keeps reminding me to be humble. Yesterday on a lovely and easy river I was getting into my kayak and was a bit off balance when I plopped my butt into the seat and it started turning over. It was like a slow-motion roll and I couldn't stop it. A karmic lesson. But, hell, I continued to have an enjoyable time with friends.

 

[Judge]

Perhaps first and foremost you should know where autistic people stand who live in Vietnam or other nations as well. Wherever you ultimately choose to travel and reside.

Adults may not fare any better than children in this regard. Then again, if you could master their language, you could become a kind of celebrity there, like YouTuber Chris Lewis. He puts out many videos about living and working in Vietnam, and if so fluent in Vietnamese it pleasantly shocks so many people.

https://asiatimes.com/2018/12/lack-of-care-for-autistic-children-in-vietnam-causes-concern/