What to do when people talk behind your back?

[Arashi222]

All right I have written a lot about my ex-friends. The in particular that I have to see almost everyday since i work with her. I was doing a bit better about moving forward and putting things behind me. Still working on it when I find out that she has been telling everyone in the deli a lot of **** about me and lying to them about me talking to her. Which unless I am taking a till from her at night I don't say a word to her. Oh I try really hard not unless it is something I have to say for work purposes. She has been saying a lot of bad things about me makes a big show of walking around me so that people stare. I don't know what to do about her talking behind my back because frankly if she is threatened she might tell people things I really don't want her to tell them because for 3yrs she was my best friend. There are things I never told anyone else. I am sad, upset, and bit unsure what to do any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Kelly]

It's easy enough to say 'oh just ignore her she's a b***h' but in reality that's not easy to do, so don't ignore what's going on. What's your boss at work like? Can you talk to him/her easily? I would go and see them (or write a letter if it's easier for you) and make it very clear what she is doing because legally she can't do those things, she is essentially picking on you and your boss has to stop it.

Start keeping a diary of all incidents that happen so you can show your boss, also if possible record any interaction with her(you can use a cell phone to do so as most have voice recorders on). Don't just put up with this Arashi she sounds like a really nasty piece of work and a bit of a bully and very very immature spreading lies about you, what is she 6?

Take one thing from this though you are far better then she is and your friendship is something she never deserved, take comfort in the real friends you've now found and try not to let her upset you too much *hug*

 

[Bay]

It is rather stunning to hear of an adult behaving like an eight year old as she is. It would be laughable if it weren't hurting you, whom I consider a friend, Arashi. Kelly is right in that you should try to document specific actions and rumors that she is spreading. Do I remember correctly that her mother is one of your managers? That makes things awkward.

Kelly is also right in that you are a much better person than she is. There is no excuse for behaving like a child in the workplace.

 

[Arashi222]

It is rather stunning to hear of an adult behaving like an eight year old as she is. It would be laughable if it weren't hurting you, whom I consider a friend, Arashi. Kelly is right in that you should try to document specific actions and rumors that she is spreading. Do I remember correctly that her mother is one of your managers? That makes things awkward.

Kelly is also right in that you are a much better person than she is. There is no excuse for behaving like a child in the workplace.

It's easy enough to say 'oh just ignore her she's a b***h' but in reality that's not easy to do, so don't ignore what's going on. What's your boss at work like? Can you talk to him/her easily? I would go and see them (or write a letter if it's easier for you) and make it very clear what she is doing because legally she can't do those things, she is essentially picking on you and your boss has to stop it.

Start keeping a diary of all incidents that happen so you can show your boss, also if possible record any interaction with her(you can use a cell phone to do so as most have voice recorders on). Don't just put up with this Arashi she sounds like a really nasty piece of work and a bit of a bully and very very immature spreading lies about you, what is she 6?

Take one thing from this though you are far better then she is and your friendship is something she never deserved, take comfort in the real friends you've now found and try not to let her upset you too much *hug*

The thing is I wish I could do that. I would have to take it to the mangers the level up the manger's on duty and I don't want to do that because she twists everything into her being the victim. Its always about her. She tried to get someone else fired the one that I was talking about saying that she came up and wanted to know if I was ok because she told me what was happening because it happened to her.
Well we are talking about the person who uninvited me to their b-day party because of all this **** back in October of 2011 when she decided not to be my friend anymore. So she is like a 5yr old. I know you are both right I need to move on and away from its just hard when you're at work. I just want her to stay away from me. I don't talk to her. I don't interact with her like I said unless I absolutely have to. I have no proof of what she is saying other than the one that told me. She felt she needed to tell me that I was being talked about behind my back.

I can't record anything as we are not allowed to have our phones on teh sales floor. Its grounds for getting sent home. I can't get caught doing that besides my phone is soo old its like four five years old something like that. Bay her mom works with me on the front end she fills in doing Self check out and things but no I am technically above her in the food chain. The thing is her mom is nice to me. Her mom is really nice to me, she never treats me poorly. So its like I want to be nice back to her mom but then I worry about that too. If it continues or I can get proof besides what another person says like two people. I might try to talk to a manager but right now I am just coming here for support and talking to people who understand. Because I put three years of my life into a friendship with her and it turned to ****.

You guys are so nice to me. Thank you for all the support you've given me through everything. I try to be an upbeat cheery person. I try really hard not to let the crap make me bitter. But I am working on it every day. Two steps forward one step back as the saying goes. I really do appreciate your comments and help. I will consider other actions if I can get proof. But if I take it to a manager she could retaliate and I really don't want that. So for now. I am trying to figure out the best way to none aggressively put a damper on it. Or at least not be affected by it. I think part of it is that she is upset that I never told her until I did about my AS. I felt it was none of her buisness. But I have learned a lot a since then.

Thanks again!

 

[Bay]

Perhaps one of these days the absurdity of all of it will hit you and you won't be able to stop laughing at her. I would love to be tiny and invisibly sit on your shoulder that day!

 

[Soup]

Thank goodness this person is no longer your friend! What a mean-spirited character. I like Kelly's advice very much but I can see where it might not be feasible in your work setting. Sometimes, bullying gossips (relational aggression practitioners) deliberately target a person in a setting where they're certain that they will get away with what they're doing. Anyone who knows you in the workplace will see through her BS very quickly. SHE's going around spreading gossip & bad-mouthing you while YOU are busy doing your job to the best of your abilities. Often times with people like her, if you give them enough rope, they hang themselves!

 

[Arashi222]

Thank goodness this person is no longer your friend! What a mean-spirited character. I like Kelly's advice very much but I can see where it might not be feasible in your work setting. Sometimes, bullying gossips (relational aggression practitioners) deliberately target a person in a setting where they're certain that they will get away with what they're doing. Anyone who knows you in the workplace will see through her BS very quickly. SHE's going around spreading gossip & bad-mouthing you while YOU are busy doing your job to the best of your abilities. Often times with people like her, if you give them enough rope, they hang themselves!

Yah I hope so. Its crazy. I mean people ask if I know if she read my letter that I gave her back at the end of Feb. because I wanted to work things out or at least talk to her and she took my letter. I honestly don't even know if she read it. I honestly think she thinks I'm a liar for not telling her sooner that I have AS. Because really if she was my friend it shouldn't have mattered. But thank you for the support. I wish I could follow Kelly's advice I would love to but I want to be the bigger person here. I want to be the one that just let's her hang her self as you so aptly put it. Thanks for the support.

Perhaps one of these days the absurdity of all of it will hit you and you won't be able to stop laughing at her. I would love to be tiny and invisibly sit on your shoulder that day!

Geez you know some days the absurity of it all hits me and I do laugh about it. But there are other days when it just wears me down and makes me sad. Though if you would like to be my little shoulder fairy when she finally gets what's coming to her then by all means you can be. Thanks for the support Bay.

 

[Soup]

Bullying behaviours are a forms of cowardice. You ARE the bigger person since you aren't doing this to anybody else. She is like someone peeing into the wind. She's wind up all wet & smelling foul.

 

[Arashi222]

Bullying behaviours are a forms of cowardice. You ARE the bigger person since you aren't doing this to anybody else. She is like someone peeing into the wind. She's wind up all wet & smelling foul.

A lot of people don't see her for what she is. She is nice to their face and cruel behind their backs. I know I used to listen to it often. I just honestly don't know what to do in this circumstance. I feel like I am stuck. I try really hard not to let it affect me but it does at some point I mean I was friends with her good friends for 3yrs. I thought she was my best friend. I should have listened to my mother. She kept saying she didn't like her. I should have known. But she's an amazing artist, she has imagination like you can't believe. I just wish that things were different.

 

[ravendragonwing]

Hugs
I am going through a similar thing at work, and it is really hard to go to work every day and see these people (there are 3-4 of them, was never friends but they hated me before I started working there).
Hang in there

 

[Arashi222]

Hugs
I am going through a similar thing at work, and it is really hard to go to work every day and see these people (there are 3-4 of them, was never friends but they hated me before I started working there).
Hang in there

Aww thanks for hte hugs. You hang in there too with your situation sounds dreadful. At least its only one person directly and her mom and then the other person involved doesn't work with me so that is good. It sucks. I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I really can't take it to the managers either.

 

[Sylar]

When I was at school and at college I overheard people talking about me and laughing behind my back all the time, more than one even tried to place bets that I'd become a serial killer in the future. I find it best to just ignore them and get on with what you think is important, anything else is just trouble that can be avoided.

 

[yuurei]

We've talked before Arashi, you and I are going through almost completely parallel situations right now. There are times when I look around at the mess and just get horribly down too, but I come here and things start to look just a bit better. Know that you've got a ton of friends and that we're all in your corner. Just try to imagine that at work and get through the day.

 

[answeraspergers]

What do you know about her?

She sounds hideous. Women talk smack all the time behind each others back.

I suggest the SPY PEN ;-)

 

[music.forlife7]

Just ignore it. Stop caring about what others think, and just enjoy being you. That's all that matters. So the next time you hear talking and laughing about you, hold your head high because God made you a unique person.

 

[ShatteredUniverse]

When I was at school and at college I overheard people talking about me and laughing behind my back all the time, more than one even tried to place bets that I'd become a serial killer in the future. I find it best to just ignore them and get on with what you think is important, anything else is just trouble that can be avoided.

Same here. Though, for a long time I couldn't resist a witty comeback.

 

[Arashi222]

To be honest I know it shouldn't bother me. But it bothers me. I have a hard time just letting it go. I know she talks about me to other co-workers. I try not to say anything bad about her.Its so hard because her mom works with me too. I just wish that I could just move forward. I used to be much more comfy in who I was now...I am having to rebuild that confidence. It kinda sucks starting over.

 

[Sylar]

I think everyone is like that. I found it's easier to brush it off when you realise those people don't know you and so what they say about who they assume you are doesn't matter at all.

Same here. Though, for a long time I couldn't resist a witty comeback.

I wish I could have done that but it was usually months later when the perfect reply would come to me.

 

[ShatteredUniverse]

I think everyone is like that. I found it's easier to brush it off when you realise those people don't know you and so what they say about who they assume you are doesn't matter at all.


I wish I could have done that but it was usually months later when the perfect reply would come to me.

The only hangup I would point out, is that they then have ammunition with which to get you in trouble. This happened a whole freaking lot to me in middle school.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

What to do when people talk behind your back?

Turn around and say "Why don't you talk about me in front of my back so then I can correct any erroneous rumors that you're spreading about me. And by the way, if you happen to hear a rumor about what an a** you are, that rumor will have been started by me."

(I hate people who start rumors! They need to grow up and get a life.)