What to do when they bully you?

[Hannah_Aspergic]

So I'm an officialy diagnosed aspie girl and has had the diagnose since I was fourteen (now sixteen). So far it has been a struggle, and I'm sure it doesn't help getting picked on because of the diagnose. Here are some stuff that has happened to me.
1. My ex-boyfriend (which dumped me because of religion) has walked around and told people about me having the diagnose. He said his reasons was to excuse my behavior towards people. The silly thing is that he only told people I've never met. Why excuse someone people don't know? He also tried to manipulate me into believing it was all my fault, which it clearly isn't... I realized after a while filled with guilt and sadness.
2. My cousin, my uncles daughter, says that having aspergers makes me stupid and much less capable of doing, well, everything... I'm telling her that what she sees as a weakness (my diagnose) are actually my strength, and that since I'm reading people a lot more I am a bit more reflected than she is, ok, a lot more considering she's picking on me like three-four times a week through facebook. I have to say I'm very glad she lives two hours away from me, which makes me feel safe. Everytime she talks trash to me I just respond by being nice and calm and not talking back at her. She has actually taken it so far that she told me to get a gun and shoot myself, twice.

I've tried to just ignore everything, but it's hard because it's hurtful. And somehow they just won't seem to stop. It has also gotten very far with rumors, so far that people were spreading that I had herpes and such as. Yeah, of course I've spoken with the school, but they decided they wouldn't do anything about it (the rumors and the ex-boyfriend problem). Everything makes my confidence drop like h*ll, and soon I won't be able to attend school because all I will be thinking is that people want me dead and that they think I've got herpes...
What to do? I'm kinda desperate and confused now... :unsure:

 

[umbrellabeach]

I don't know how much this will help (I'm terrible at giving advice unless I've personally solved a similar problem)... but what I would do is first tell the bullies' parents about what they're doing, and educate the parents on Asperger's as much as you can, so they know the truth about it, and can maybe tell their kids if the kids will listen. Second, I'd unfriend and block any Facebook bullies. And third... I'd wait till I knew a person really well and knew if I could trust them before telling them about the diagnosis. There are many people I haven't told about mine because of how they might react. If your parents are the ones telling everyone about it you can ask them to stop as it's your personal business.

 

[OmegaGreen17]

Hey there Hannah,
My thoughts are with you on the diagnosis issue, people often critise and demoralize things they do not understand, things that their...incapable minds do not wish to understand (I mean this on maturity levels, not on some superiority trip here dont worry). People who do not wish to understand and mock you for it need to get educated, if they dont wish to do this, then they can go elsewhere (or a two worded phrase I can think of).

"My ex-boyfriend (which dumped me because of religion) has walked around and told people about me having the diagnose. He said his reasons was to excuse my behavior towards people. The silly thing is that he only told people I've never met. Why excuse someone people don't know? He also tried to manipulate me into believing it was all my fault, which it clearly isn't... I realized after a while filled with guilt and sadness."

Why did he dump you on religion? Of what religious values did you both uphold? A guy like that is pathetic anyways, trying to belittle the person he was with, for no real gain other than his self-pride, a decent human being would leave it alone and not further hurt any party.

"My cousin, my uncles daughter, says that having aspergers makes me stupid and much less capable of doing, well, everything... I'm telling her that what she sees as a weakness (my diagnose) are actually my strength, and that since I'm reading people a lot more I am a bit more reflected than she is, ok, a lot more considering she's picking on me like three-four times a week through facebook. I have to say I'm very glad she lives two hours away from me, which makes me feel safe. Everytime she talks trash to me I just respond by being nice and calm and not talking back at her. She has actually taken it so far that she told me to get a gun and shoot myself, twice."

How old is she? Regardless, she is being immature, you're also doing the sane thing by not showing a reaction, even if she continues, its not your fault that she does not want to grow up/understand. Also, she severly underestimates people with Aspergers if she thinks that...we can do just fine..

Regarding your last paragraph, one thing that I will say to that is, if you stop going to school, then they would have "won". Be the better person and gain that education that (probably) alot of your bullies will not achieve. Desire the want to further grow as a person and to also grow socially with the gain of new insights or social skills.

Confidence however...is a hard subject for me, I do not have alot, with women, with my 6th Form work, with everything...I expect that someday il learn how to be more faithful in myself (I got alot of faith to share around anyways, haha, due to my Atheistic views). Through my mere Eighteen years of my life I have somewhat learned that there are some right...arseholes about, people who do not care for others' feelings, those who laugh at people who want to work hard and succeed in life; these people are wrong, thats what you have to believe, thats what gets you through it sometimes, the desire to want to be the best person you can be.

 

[142857]

If your cousin is bullying you, teasing you, and urging you to commit suicide, that is a criminal offence. Do you have a record of this (on facebook for example) or is it just your word against hers? Either way she has a huge problem if she feels the need to act like this.

Bullies are cowards and they like to target those who are least likely to fight back. I'm sure that your cousin has flaws that she doesn't like to be reminded of. I have found that going on the offensive and being nasty to family members who have bullied me is often the only thing that has worked.

As for the rumours at school, the only thing I can suggest is that you laugh about it, make a joke out of it yourself. I know this is hard to do and is actually pretty lame advice, but I can't think of anything else that might work.

 

[Kempy]

When I get bullied, the bullies ask me lots of questions they know I can't answer quickly. They seem to have picked up on the fact that I don't think on my feet very well. I recently found that I can retaliate by simply asking them questions back. I respond to their question with another question. If I ask over-intelligent questions then they cannot answer quick enough, and the tables are turned. At this point they get frustrated and walk away.

 

[noraa]

There is a saying called "Don't play with fire or you'll get burned". You need to teach that to your bullies.

I was getting bullied in the playground at school once. This guy was throwing my hat around in front of everyone and I was getting laughed at. So one day I got sick of his **** and I grabbed him and just beat the crap out of him and he was lying on the floor with a bleeding nose and he was crying. He never came near me again. Because he knows if he comes near me he will get hurt.


I'm not telling you to use violence because that can get you into some trouble. You just need to stand up for yourself because bullies go for people who know won't fight back. Make sure they have a bad time when they come up and tease you and they'll eventually stay out of your way because they don't want to have a bad time.

 

[regnkappa]

I guess everyone has a different way to handle these things but I am impressed you try to handle it with calm and not getting pulled in to all the lies or gettin angry wich is what they want. They want an reaction from you. Dont give them that pleasure.

When I was your age , pople tryed bully me. I didn not understand at all even at they tried to hurt my feelings so automaticly I gave no response. They got bored and did no bully me .

for example if someone was telling I was gay infront of other people I thought "Well first, I am not gay. No matter how much the other guy says so. Secondly. What is so bad being gay anyways. " I used logic instead of feelings.


my view on the matter anyways.

Be strong in belive in what you belive in. You know you are not all these bad things they say. So by that these things are not you. Focus on the good things. Ither by yourself knowing good about yourself or other people who see good in you.

 

[hardcore]

Bloody hell hannah I feel really sorry for you. Its even bad that a member or members of your own family have turned on you about it. No offence but your cousin sounds like a nasty piece of work. And with regards to your boyfriend your far better off without him. i reckon he was just using religion as a pretext to dump you and then tell everyone what you really are. I hate people like that. I had a tough time at most of the schools I went to and the navy as well. No one really knew i had AS but somehow they could tell there wasnt something too right with me and they persecuted me for who i was just as you have been persecuted. You are an exceptional girl hannah and dont let any one tell you different no matter who they are.
If anyone or anything threatens to undermine or take away the things that you who you choose to be then thats known as dehumanization and thats really bad. I think part of the attitude of these people who persecute you is that they are somewhat afraid of you due to the standard human trait of being afraid of what you dont understand. It may be human nature hannah but that doesnt make it right. Hope this helps.
By the way in case you dont know your names a palindrome (same backwards as it is forwards)!!!