What to do?

[Dwoops]

I really don’t know how to start so I guess I’ll introduce myself.
I am male, 19, and currently a sophomore in college.
About 4 weeks ago and I started to notice some of the signs of depression coming back (I had depression a while ago, I had a long paragraph explaining backstory but ran out of characters). Luckily I stopped and focused my attention on something else, if I was focused on something, I can’t get caught up on being depressed. Ultimately I realized that I just couldn’t ‘connect’ with other people very well. I had never really cared about this in the past but now that I am starting to care about it, it caused problems in the form of depression. And here starts my dive in looking for answers.
I’m the type of person who always is looking to improve myself where I can and I’ve been told that I’ve been blessed with good self-awareness. With this I started to look into myself and my actions. Eventually I had many things that pointed to aspergers. I was annoyed that I had been spending an hour or more each night obsessing over this so I reached out to my cousin who has been diagnosed with aspergers their entire life. After discussing it with them I was pretty sure it was true. But I still felt uncomfortable with the idea of self diagnosis.
After about another week of obsessing over Information about ASD every night I knew I wasn’t getting anywhere and I needed closure. I ended up talking to my uncle who is a doctor and while he wasn’t specialized in this sort of thing, he came to the same conclusion as I did but recommended I talk to a psychiatrist.
Fast forward another week of obsessing every night without actually doing anything, and I talked to this psychiatrist again, he came to the same conclusion, etc, but he didn’t give an official diagnosis because he isn’t specialized in ASD.
That was about 4 days ago and I still can’t sleep at night. Even though I have tons of evidence that I have aspergers/ASD I cant shake the feeling that it isn’t real. Oh and a side note: I talked to my parents about it and they said they suspected it for a few years now but didn’t say anything.
I guess I just felt like sharing my story and I wanted peoples opinions on whether I should push to try to get an official diagnosis. I don’t know if there are any drawbacks to getting one, but I feel like getting one would reduce a lot of this tension and make it seem more concrete.
Some things I struggle with,
Understanding others’ motives,
Understanding others’ emotions,
Eye contact,
Mild stimming,
Obsessive over certain things (currently ASD),
Monotonous voice and lack of my own facial expression,
Conversing,
A ‘different’ sense of humor,
Noise, light, and taste sensitivity,
And probably other stuff that I just view as normal.
I just don’t know about getting a diagnosis, it feels a little awkward for some reason, what do you think I should do, and how should I go about it.
Thanks for reading, sorry for poor spacing as I am doing this on my phone late at night. And sorry if something is confusing as I had to delete about 1/2 of it due to character limit.

 

[SusanLR]

If your need to know would make you feel better then you will have to check around to find a psychologist or psychiatrist that will test you and give an official diagnosis.

I was going through a tough time of grief and transitions that was causing depression that wouldn't go away.
A social worker I was seeing for grief counseling started noticing things about my actions, ways of thinking and talking that made her ask me to look into Aspergers.
She said take the test at PsychCentral first and if it had strong indications get tested by a psychologist.

I did and was diagnosed in my fifties.
I knew I was different in many ways to most people and had anxiety issues, but, didn't know about the traits of ASD until I took the test and started self study on it also.

I saw my life in writing as I learned about it.
I was glad to understand myself better,
but on the other hand I felt I needed to keep the finding to myself. I think NTs will attach an instant stigma to it. I made it through my life and a lot of people just told me they thought something wasn't "right", as they put it.
But, it didn't really bother me.

So if it will help you for your own personal reasons, go for the official test. But, be prepared to maybe feel you won't want to tell others.
That's why I am glad I found AC where I can talk about everything and feel comfortable in doing so.

And WELCOME!

 

[Nitro]

 

[Tom]

Hi & Welcome

 

[WereBear]

College is a great environment for exploring this part of you. They have support and resources that are not usually found in the rest of society.

 

[Warmheart]

Hello, and welcome here!

 

[tree]

 

[OkRad]

It all depends-----I have all the symptoms and was dxed, as everyone on here knows by now. Then, my dr wanted me to go again for some reason and I did and it was a horrible experience. Even with previous dx the guy laughed in my face (and coughed in it) and said, "We knew as soon as we met you you didn't have it!" He said I made eye contact. I am not kidding. I have so many other symptoms ---
In the end, I pursued genetic karyotying where they found a Chrom 6 duplicaiton and you can read about them if you like.
In furture , all ASD and Autism suspected with by genetically tested. That is why the Dr tested me for genetics. He said it is routine now, not the just say ASD or AUTISM.
So that Dr tried to kick me down and make me just mentally ill (with NO TESTING he said "you just need DBT for a personality disorder"- but I don't even have one! Not that I know!) When really what happened is I got onto the boat that is sailing ahead and making him look like nothing but a money grabber ( he procured millions for a leading research organization) and an idiot.

 

[vangelis]

Welcome. I am in a similar position to you in that I am on the list for official diagnosis. I am in the UK and have been told it can take a couple of years but basically I know the answer and I suspect many others, possibly you too, already know although sometimes it is nice for something to be officially confirmed. It won't change anything either way, the important thing is to do what you think is best for you at the time. There are lots of nice people on here who will help you if they can I am sure.

 

[bbc-bananasplit]

Hello!

You can always do some tests, if you haven't already done so. That usually helps a lot to clear up things.

I can fairly well understand you pondering this question. I did so, too. Yet, not for two or three weeks but for months and months. Since I couldn't go and get a diagnosis as quickly as I would have liked to, I did a lot of writing - like writing about the aspects I read about, the aspects I perceived with myself - which helped me a lot to really understand what it is about. I studied the subject in a scientific manner, which is of course totally uber obsessive. I wrote about various topics concerning ASD / Autism and sort of explaning to a fictional other what it was all about and how it differed, for that helped me to see the differences between non-ASD and ASD. I also wrote a lot about personality disorders (like schizoid PS-D) and attachement disorders, which may at times result in a similar appearance - early trauma is in any case not without relevance.

You may want to ask yourself some further questions (I asked myself billions of questions... sigh*^^) like...

• Is there an advantage of getting diagnosed?
• What's the use of having an official diagnosis. Does it help me with certain things, which couldn't be achieved otherwise?
• Do I need help with certain things?
• Is the suspected ASD / autism a problem or an obstacle in my life? Am I depressed, because I can't do certain things, and I suspect this is because of ASD? What if I did have ASD? What could there be done to make things better?
• Is this a question of health and quality of life, or is it also question of personal identity?
• Do I need a label - official or not - for me to feel ok / better / less depressed about me?
• If I officially had this label by diagnosis, what would I do with it? Would I tell people? What would it change for me and others in my life?
• Why am I uncomfortable with diagnosing myself. Is it because I feel bad about it? Or because I don't trust myelf on being obsessive enough to find out myself. What if I did diagnose myself - right now? Would anyone feel offended? Why can't I decide myself what I am - who's going to stop me anyway?
• What if I were diagnosed with ASD / autism, but to refused to accept, since I think the doctor isn't in a position to tell me, who or what I am? Why do I need someone to tell me, what I know anyway.
• Would it change my attitude towards myself, towards others? Would the attitude of others change towards me, if they knew. Do I want them to know?

Then, you can read something on emotional empathy and cognitive empathy in ASD / Autism. Besides this, having a good look at the concept of executive functioning (switching setting / task, multi step thinking, planning, goal directed behaviour, concentration, attention, working memory, simultaneous handling of more than one task etc...) with / without ASD / Autism can be useful. Sensory processing (sound, color, shapes, surfaces, smells...) might be of interest, too. Another thing might be interpersonal relationships, relations to things / objects. I am, for example, really obsessed with 'relating' to certain objects and materials, while interpersonal relationships are somewhat unemotional. Getting a professional's book for understanding, diagnosing of and detailed insights into ASD / autism can be very helpful. You can use googlebooks to read a ton of books on the topic, ranging from autism for dummies to diagnostics and therapy. You can also check out the official diagnostic scales and questionaires and the diagnostic manuals, and if you continue to be as obessive as you are - a good omen =) - you'll have figured it out within three weeks, by six weeks you'll be an expert, by 12 weeks you'll be working on any psychological issues, and by 24 weeks you'll have resolved them =)