what was affected most by your syndrome?

[alien girl]

i've heard sometimes aspies can have horrible motor skills but their communication skills aren't affected as badly as their motor skills, although they less than average when compared to NTs. and sometimes it's the other way around.
with me, although self diagnosed, i believe the syndrome affected my ability to be with people more than anything. my motor skills aren't great, but they're not that bad. i can manage somehow. my reaction to pain is oversensitive and on slight occasions undersensitive, but not to a huge extent. so when i compare myself to what other aspies wrote here about their motor skills and reactions to pain i seem to be moderate, maybe even mild.
but then it seems like most of the people here are or have been in a relationship at least once in their lives, a lot have kids, or will, and almost everyone has or had a friend at least once in their lifetime.
i've never been in a relationship more than a one night stand, never had or seriously considered having a kid, and never had a friend that didnt get on my nerves and i got away after a few weeks, except in childhood maybe a few months but then it was over, and during those few months i could count on one hand the times i've been in their house or they in mine. and those were only three other little girls and that's it.
when i bought my cats i decided i dont want to have anything to do with anyone beside family members, and aspies online, of course, that i discovered later.
i went aboard for nine years and was totally alone; no friends except occasional aquaintances that didnt last longer than my socks, no dating except one night stand, and only professional contact with people on the jobs like fast food places and factory etc.
did the syndrome affect you pysically mostly? did it affect you by making you obssesive, or did it affect your communication skills? or maybe your communication skills are absolutely horrible, but yet you still have the need, and the ability, to be around people, and that actually makes you happy? or is it the other way around? did it affect you with mostly inability to control your moods, like sadness, rage attacks, etc?

 

[Kelly]

Communication skills, the only thing thing I would ever want to change about myself is my social skills or lack of. The obsessions, the rituals, the stims etc I don't mind it's the social awkwardness that makes me sad and has had the most effect on my life.

 

[King_Oni]

In general I'd say it doesn't affect me that much. I like the way I am.

The things where my ASD shows a lot towards the outside, is when I'm stressed out, which in general is something people should avoid even if they're NT, in my opinion.

Besides that, I kinda feel that I don't have social skills a lot and such, but I don't really care for lacking those. I don't want to be around people that much, and never did want to.

In a way I lack motor skills a bit, but I make up for it in theoretical stuff and application. Yes, I can work on computers quite well, so that's a rather theoretical thing, while I'm terrible at doing anything with my hands.

Over time I learned to apply a way of lateral problemsolving to work around the lack of motorskills... thus I can do things that in general require motorskills, but those things can require me to look and overthink it for hours to days before I actually start it. So I need a lot of time and space to think my approach over. That also involves that if I want something personally, even if it requires some "motorskills", I could make it work, technically... but with that comes that I really need to want it myself and not feel it's forced cause by then it's mental blackout time and I pretty much need someone to tell me what I need to do (and they can hope I understand the instructions and can deal with it for longer than 5 minutes without stressing me out). So there's a bit of "inattentive selective clumsyness" going on which I in general don't have a lot of control over. For example; don't ask me to sew a dress... but I will probably sew a perfect coat if I have the desire to do so... even if it's like I said earlier, an unorthodox, lateral approach. This is also a reason why I'm horrible in most jobs that require manual labor, because they stress rules and guidelines in how I have to do something... I can't get myself to care for it, and most of the time, if it doesn't make sense to me, my mind will not process and "save the routine" I'm being shown. I'm really someone who goes from A to B by his own means, so don't judge me on what route I take and how long I take.

I'm not really a person for rituals or routines... that might be due to comorbid (severe) AD(H)D. That's also a reason why I don't obsess to long over stress in most cases and can keep going with "my things" without having meltdowns.

 

[Gomendosi]

Mmmm, let me see now;
For me I believe the thing most affected by Aspergers is the whole social aspect, I was a self imposed hermit for many, many years while everyone in my family where busy having lives, they ended up shunning me too due to my inability to understand the need to be a part of at least the family, when I did try I was so inept that they just ended up abandoning me anyway so solitude was always preferable, school was the same only with more people.
I believed myself to be extraordinarily happy until I hit my twenties and started to think like an adult, by that time I had my own television and was able to see what I was missing out on

The physical side of things is a bit weird too because if I am not concentrating I can easily bash into stuff but if I pay attention I am usually alright. I am most lax in concentration when alone anyway so it’s not embarrassing.
Has that addressed your question alien girl?

 

[NateSean]

Asperger's itself is not what effects me. If I had to identify any one of the traits that are common in Asperger's I would say that it's meltdowns. Or more specifically the people who cause the meltdown and do nothing to actually help me calm down afterwards.

 

[Bay]

I am often surprised and hurt when people misunderstand me. Also, I am quite trusting and as a result have often been taken advantage of. These two aspects of AS have caused me the most pain.

On the other hand, I am aces at problem solving and an excellent researcher. So those are the two biggest gifts that AS has given me.

 

[Arashi222]

I am often surprised and hurt when people misunderstand me. Also, I am quite trusting and as a result have often been taken advantage of. These two aspects of AS have caused me the most pain.

On the other hand, I am aces at problem solving and an excellent researcher. So those are the two biggest gifts that AS has given me.

Bay you took the word right out of my mouth.

The social issues are just terrible for me. I was starting to feel more confident and now after a big whole mess of things I am so skiddish of making friends. I worry constantly that I am messing it up. That people think I'm crazy and manipulative, and a drama Llama. So I guess that is the one thing that it really affects. But I have a memory for details especially for things that I care about.

 

[alien girl]

In general I'd say it doesn't affect me that much. I like the way I am.

The things where my ASD shows a lot towards the outside, is when I'm stressed out, which in general is something people should avoid even if they're NT, in my opinion.

Besides that, I kinda feel that I don't have social skills a lot and such, but I don't really care for lacking those. I don't want to be around people that much, and never did want to.

In a way I lack motor skills a bit, but I make up for it in theoretical stuff and application. Yes, I can work on computers quite well, so that's a rather theoretical thing, while I'm terrible at doing anything with my hands.

Over time I learned to apply a way of lateral problemsolving to work around the lack of motorskills... thus I can do things that in general require motorskills, but those things can require me to look and overthink it for hours to days before I actually start it. So I need a lot of time and space to think my approach over. That also involves that if I want something personally, even if it requires some "motorskills", I could make it work, technically... but with that comes that I really need to want it myself and not feel it's forced cause by then it's mental blackout time and I pretty much need someone to tell me what I need to do (and they can hope I understand the instructions and can deal with it for longer than 5 minutes without stressing me out). So there's a bit of "inattentive selective clumsyness" going on which I in general don't have a lot of control over. For example; don't ask me to sew a dress... but I will probably sew a perfect coat if I have the desire to do so... even if it's like I said earlier, an unorthodox, lateral approach. This is also a reason why I'm horrible in most jobs that require manual labor, because they stress rules and guidelines in how I have to do something... I can't get myself to care for it, and most of the time, if it doesn't make sense to me, my mind will not process and "save the routine" I'm being shown. I'm really someone who goes from A to B by his own means, so don't judge me on what route I take and how long I take.

I'm not really a person for rituals or routines... that might be due to comorbid (severe) AD(H)D. That's also a reason why I don't obsess to long over stress in most cases and can keep going with "my things" without having meltdowns.

i also have attention deflict disorder and used to be super hyper. i dont always understand instructions and directions, either.

 

[alien girl]

Mmmm, let me see now;
For me I believe the thing most affected by Aspergers is the whole social aspect, I was a self imposed hermit for many, many years while everyone in my family where busy having lives, they ended up shunning me too due to my inability to understand the need to be a part of at least the family, when I did try I was so inept that they just ended up abandoning me anyway so solitude was always preferable, school was the same only with more people.
I believed myself to be extraordinarily happy until I hit my twenties and started to think like an adult, by that time I had my own television and was able to see what I was missing out on

The physical side of things is a bit weird too because if I am not concentrating I can easily bash into stuff but if I pay attention I am usually alright. I am most lax in concentration when alone anyway so it’s not embarrassing.
Has that addressed your question alien girl?

yes, it most certainly did, thank you.

 

[Zo.]

My lack of social skills are the biggest obstacle for me.

 

[Studies Shadows]

Like many of you guys, I feel the social alienation and lack of social ease, coupled with the fact that I realize most people have no special passionate interests or questioning, inquiring minds about the universe around them but have a very narrow focus on every day life. I get the feeling that if I share my interests I get viewed by others as trying to be brainer or smarter than them, I am not, I just have intense focused interests that I long to share with others. I must add, its not a one way street, I love to listen to others who have a different passion or interest, its just I rarely come accross them. So its lonely.

 

[Dusty285]

My biggest problems relate to social isolation. Small talk and casual conversation is impossible. Being an awkward part of a group, even family, has always been difficult and often not something I could relate to anyway. I want ties to a few friends with the caveat of each being able to be on our own much of the time. The discomfort of being trapped in a group makes me find a way to exit the situation. The group of 'normals' with their strong herd instincts cannot accept/are threatened by anything different or outside their own wants and likes and project and assign their own shortcomings and failings to the loner. I as an Aspie find myself trying to understand why the group is a group and why they behave(d) the way they do. The group (of 'normals') reacts badly (from my perspective) mostly from (subliminal/instinctual) fear of anything or anyone different. ???????

 

[Loomis]

My Aspergers affected me most because my lack of ability to socialize resulted in low self-esteem, anger, and low-self confidence. I was unaware of why I could not socialize well. I was bewildered by my place in the world with no understanding why. I had no diagnosis and spent my entire life in therapy trying to learn how to become normal. Now that I finally understand "the why," my life and perspective has totally changed. I know I can never "learn" to be normal so I have stopped trying and I no longer care how people view me or my behavior because I know it is not a deficiency but rather because my brain is wired differently than NT brains. I am able now to ignore a Neuotypical's unusual reaction as a fact of our difference in worldview. I no longer care if they understand me or if they say stuff that makes no sense "to me." So I would say the biggest thing in my life was not knowing my brain interpreted the world differently than 99% of the other people in the world.

One thing still annoys me. I can easily deal with people who I do not have any care or feelings for but when I do care about someone's attitude toward me such as a female I find interesting I hate that I am confused and conflicted about how to act. I do not understand her actions and cannot perceive her motives; moreover I do not understand or perceive my own! So my tendency is to avoid her because I am at a loss as to how to interact and have little insight into my intentions.

 

[Soup]

Like many others here, it affected my ability to form social relationships. Oddly, though, I have no desire whatsoever to form friendships or social ties of any kind with anyone. I never feel lonely or bored & I love being by myself. I DO know that it is not considered normal at all in the NT world to be this way. They seem to be all about friendships, social ties & complex intersecting relationships. For me, the fewer people I have to deal with, the better! It isn't that I have any fear of people: I've never been phobic. It is more of a dislike: much in the way I dislike spinach so I avoid it.

Another Aspie affect I have is that direct logic that can seem un-empathetic to NTs seeking not a solution but some mollycoddling (<---which I suck at!). For me, problems demand practical solutions: not a bunch of emotional rumination.

I can see where, for Aspie guys, sometimes the social 'thing' would be more challenging. Since, for the most part (esp with older Aspies) it is the guy who is supposed to approach the woman & strike up conversations, ask her out, etc. Also, a lot about approaching a new person involves reading social cues like body language & facial expressions (<---many of us are functionally illiterate in these languages!). This would affect a guy's self confidence for sure! For me, all I had to do was sit where I was & look reasonably presentable, groomed & hygienic. Guys who approached me would just assume I was the shy quiet type. In truth, I've never felt shy at all.

 

[Loomis]

Like many others here, it affected my ability to form social relationships. Oddly, though, I have no desire whatsoever to form friendships or social ties of any kind with anyone. I never feel lonely or bored & I love being by myself. I DO know that it is not considered normal at all in the NT world to be this way. They seem to be all about friendships, social ties & complex intersecting relationships. For me, the fewer people I have to deal with, the better! It isn't that I have any fear of people: I've never been phobic. It is more of a dislike: much in the way I dislike spinach so I avoid it.

Hi soup,

I felt exactly the same way when I was married. My wife met my social and friendship needs. From your posts it is clear you are very happily married. Now consider instead if you were all alone and unmarried. Much like solitary confinement... perhaps you would be just as happy but I am not satisfied with total isolation. Perhaps when my dog comes to live with me that will suffice. He is in Canada now making the show rounds.

I have not left my house in Chicago for four days and talked to no one. (my phone is in the car.) I am not bored or lonely now but several more days of self-imposed isolation will eventually get me out of the house.

Happily my wife is 400 miles away and anger is largely absent from my life. This contrasts starkly with the integral part and the frequency anger comprised our marriage. Curiously her anger was not a problem but feeling my anger approach rage was unhealthy.

There are a few local places to interact with people. Interestingly I met two physicians with social phobia. We immediately felt connected since autism and social phobia share commonalities.

In many ways my life is collapsing around me. I lost my job five years ago and have not worked since, I am in the process of a difficult divorce, my financial security is greatly imperiled, there was a court appearance to dispute the order for restraint, my abode is a windowless basement with no shower (the YMCA with shower, sauna and steam-room are nearby and my dungeon has a kitchen, laundry and 1/2 bathroom.) Yesterday a letter arrived from my sister's lawyer requesting documents on my mother's estate. (She wants the house sold before it is ready but has no legal basis for making it happen her way. Good God, another legal morass to travel.) All of this is annoying but I am happy, self-confident, satisfied, free and secure because my lifelong goal of understanding why I felt abnormal is fulfilled. The exploration of this new NT world as an aspie is a wondrous and enjoyable new adventure.

 

[Soup]

"In many ways my life is collapsing around me. I lost my job five years ago and have not worked since, I am in the process of a difficult divorce, my financial security is greatly imperiled, there was a court appearance to dispute the order for restraint, my abode is a windowless basement with no shower (the YMCA with shower, sauna and steam-room are nearby and my dungeon has a kitchen, laundry and 1/2 bathroom.) Yesterday a letter arrived from my sister's lawyer requesting documents on my mother's estate. (She wants the house sold before it is ready but has no legal basis for making it happen her way. Good God, another legal morass to travel.) All of this is annoying but I am happy, self-confident, satisfied, free and secure because my lifelong goal of understanding why I felt abnormal is fulfilled. The exploration of this new Neurotypical world as an aspie is a wondrous and enjoyable new adventure." -Loomis.

I must tip my hat (more like raise my hood!) to you, Loomis. You certainly are managing well, all things considered. I truly hope that you end up even more prosperous than you were before all this chaos ensued. Hopefully, some of her anger will abate & enable you to resolve your differences with less acrimony.

It's great that having a firm diagnosis has given you so much insight into your life & why you are the way you are. No more 'how to be normal' lessons! It will enable you to shape your future with a new understanding & a much clearer view.

 

[LittlePuff]

Social skills, being misunderstood. I get lots of bruises too ;-)

 

[buckyboy14]

Probably my inability to pick up sarcasm. I become confused by it so easily, and it has led me to be an easy bullying target.

 

[ravendragonwing]

lack of knowing I had no social skills, here I was going about my life thinking I was just that kind of person who gets pooped on by everyone and lo' and behold, AS

 

[Goldaus]

I also have problems with people misunderstanding me. I find sometimes that when I have a thought, the translation of the thought into words is wrong. I have either used the wrong tone of voice, or the words I have chosen to convey the thought didn't have the same meaning to the other party, as they did in my head.:banghead: Then trying to explain what I meant is like banging my head against the wall. The verbal diarrhea is compounded exponentially.