When ADD becomes embarrassing....

[Chance]

I guess I need to be medically-politically correct... When ADHD (inattentive) becomes embarrassing...

I guess ASD might run a hard race with ADHD in many ways. I have what professionals use to call ADD, but now it's this confusing mess where they lump it all into one bowl, mix it up, and then take out what dont fit... To me that never works. ADD is not ADHD... period.

I do not have ADHD... I'm not hyper or impulsive stuff and far from it actually... That is why they used to have ADD, but now its just a mess, like most everything else and everything I read is mostly ADHD related and that's not what I need.

Anyway... lately I have been super busy with tons going on at work, at home, and it's taking its toll and worse its showing.

I am not real good with multitasking - actually I suck at it. I make all these lists that overwhelm me most the time, and then I get lost in all of what I have to do.

I'm super good with organizing my simple life and finances, but once I have to expand that I can always handle the financial end, but the mass of other things start just becoming this huge dark fog.

Most the time I do really well, but lately I tend to lose focus so easily that its becoming embarrassing. People tend to pick up on me losing focus and that tends to make it worse.
It tends to make me feel stupid, inadequate, sort of crazy...
It worries me that it might get worse.

Friday I was doing payroll, and paying bills (no problem)... My boss comes in and wants me to R&D a new truck to use as park services and a first responder unit for fire and severe weather.

This as cool as it will be, is a mass of researching, paprework, and a report that has to be rushed and ready before the next board of directors meeting...

Meanwhile I am still dealing with a mass of other issues the fire caused. We have new wildlife encroachment issues that were unexpected, and people issues that were unexpected. We are severely short handed and no good prospects have been found to fill those gaps... So I guess I'm getting a little screwed up and I cant be doing that right now...

The next issue that makes this worse is my OCD starts kicking in an I have to go back and recheck what I did and sometimes I find stuff I left because I simply wasn't paying attention, or my head was off somewhere else.

I don't adjust to new things very easy. It's not that I get mad over it... It's just new stuff trips me up even more than normal.

Example: I have never worn glasses (to see with) before this week. I never knew how bad my eyes were until this week. Wow, I can see in what seems like HD, but the glasses bug the hell out of me.

They look fine, people even seem to like them on me and all that, but I hate them...
and the eye doc told me NO on contacts because my eyes are always irritated. So, I have already lost my glasses like 30 times in the last few days... and yes I know I can get a lanyard so that wont happen...

It's not just the glasses, it's keys, paprework, my check book, I lost my fuel card this week...

In this... I get really upset with myself. I have been reading and studying on how to get more organized and its all great until I try to put into my ASD srewed up real world settings.

I have been battling massive stressful thigns at work with the fire damage and my life at home is so far from where I want to exist... too the point that I cant really stomach even going home anymore.

During all the chaos of the fire and everything I was so focused, and now I can't seem to hold my attention on this mass of things to save my life...

So maybe the best thing to do ask others how they get things back in focus. I would appreciate any ideas or suggestions on how people like me handle large scale situations.

I KNOW I can be focused. I have lived it, but it leaves as fast as it showed up. WHY?

 

[Progster]

I can relate to this, because, although I am not officially diagnosed with ADHD, I have many traits of it (the inattentive type, ADD).
Things that might help are:

1. Slowing down, Not trying to do things too fast, or all at once.
2. Breaking larger tasks down into smaller ones, and focusing on getting each smaller task don. It might be less overwhelming this way.
3. Telling yourself that it really doesn't matter if you don't get everything done or don't finish something (though if you have OCD, you will need to fight that to do it).
4. Making a plan of your day, and following it.
5. Making 'to do' lists, and ticking items off the list as you do them.
6. Keeping a diary to keep track of things.
7. Actively concentrating hard until you finish a task - concentrate on concentraing, if you know what I mean.
8. Give yourself breaks to clear your head. Get up from your desk and move around, take exercise.
9. Block other sources of distraction. Ask people not to talk because you are concentrating. Ask not to be disturbed in the office for tasks that need concentration. Say to people 'excuse me a moment, I need to concentrate/think'.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Agree with Progster. The essential problem seems to be that you just plain have too much to try to get done all at once which would impact anyone and make anyone half crazy. So #1 & 2 above are good- maybe you need to tell your boss that he needs to prioritize your tasks, then leave you alone to get stuff done rather than overwhelm you with more requests? You've just had too much stuff too fast to deal with at a time when you're probably burned out (literally and figuratively) from the fire and it's aftereffects. And it doesn't sound like you've had any chance to recover from that before you've had to get all the current stuff done. So cut yourself some slack and set boundaries so others won't contribute to your overwhelm (#9 above).

 

[Chance]

Thanks Prog, and Lucy...

I haven’t had time to eat or sleep much. I have tons of pictures I want to put in my media photos but haven’t had any extra time...

The sun is coming up and I have to beat the wind and the golfers to get the course mowed and watered. So I have to head out soon, I’m now in the 8 month loop of no days off and I’m not dealing to well with the fact I am a prisoner until October... I guess I’m a little selfish but thats how I feel and its probably wrong. Many people want jobs and stuff I have so I feel very wrong to whine about it. So I will stop.

I think the biggest thing is I am just really tired. I mostly just crash as soon as I sit down. I fel asleep at work Friday doing payroll... I am still emnarrrased.... at the words “ EARTH TO CHANCE... wake up so we can get paid.” I was mortified and I felt ashamed to be that worn out and it show that bad.

ASD is sort of tough to deal with at times...Throw in a major fire, people wanting miracles, a severe drought, lots of uncertainty, a narcissist that confuses the living hell out of me, my own neurological glitches and it gets pretty dark sometimes.

I some how get this “fear” that I might lose what little grasp I have on how to manage all the stuff I tackle. At times I want to give up and walk away but I’m not a quitter... Actually I will hold on to things too long when I should let go and walk away.

I don’t know how to relax anymore and I miss just being simple so bad... I dream of that cabin in the mountains so much I think i lose myself in how bad I want a simple quiet life... I’m trying to work very hard to make that be able to happen at some point, yet I fear I wouldn’t have any reason to live once it happens...

I’m so screwed up that I make phychologists take pillls : )

 

[LucyPurrs]

8 months without any time off? Good grief Chance, your expectations of yourself are way out of whack. I just don't understand how anyone at your workplace can't see that you need some down time. Sounds like you're so overtired it's impossible to relax, kind of like how kids get when they are way overwound. That you've handled all this for so long, so many years is miraculous in my book. No wonder you want a simple life, who wouldn't in your position? (This is my spontaneous , unconsidered, impulsive reply, LOL)

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Delegate?

 

[Progster]

I’m now in the 8 month loop of no days off and I’m not dealing to well with the fact I am a prisoner until October... I guess I’m a little selfish but thats how I feel and its probably wrong.

I can totally relate to this - being a teacher, it's similar for me - I have to work hard during Spring, Autumn and Winter, then have Summer off. I always get extremely anxious and stressed when I know I have to start work again after the Summer break. I also have 2 jobs during Autumn and Winter, so don't get much time to myself.
I'm not sure what to suggest here, as I know that you have a demanding job that requires you to work long hours - if my memory serves me right, you run a farm? But do try to get some time off, even it it means just snatching a couple of hours here, a couple of hours there.

 

[Gritches]

Sounds like rough times. Maybe I'm stating the obvious, I tend to do that, but if you're losing focus it's probably because you're so tired. I was burning out of my job because I was working too much. Thankfully, I was able to swallow my pride, tell my boss I was getting overwhelmed, and she and I came up with a solution that works for me, personally.

There have been a few instances in my work life where I was carrying entirely too much on my own back. People can't keep that up forever. If you haven't talked to your boss(es) maybe you should; if you're a good and valued employee, they won't want you to burn out either.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Sounds like rough times. Maybe I'm stating the obvious, I tend to do that, but if you're losing focus it's probably because you're so tired. I was burning out of my job because I was working too much. Thankfully, I was able to swallow my pride, tell my boss I was getting overwhelmed, and she and I came up with a solution that works for me, personally.

There have been a few instances in my work life where I was carrying entirely too much on my own back. People can't keep that up forever. If you haven't talked to your boss(es) maybe you should; if you're a good and valued employee, they won't want you to burn out either.

Chance is more or less the boss. Delegation can often be a major problem.

As he's so dedicated.

 

[Thinx]

Yes Chance I don't think this is about ADD so much as exhaustion. Where's your downtime? And if home's not great either, you're really up against a tough situation. I wonder if the ASAP or ADD is what's making it hard to recognise you can and need to have some breaksort and time off? I know I struggle to be off sick however ill I occasionally am, working thru a tooth abcess recently in agony really. The experience you coped so bravely with was mind blowing and now Yr exhausted and need a rest. Please get yourself some time to relax. Worried for you.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Chance is more or less the boss. Delegation can often be a major problem.

As he's so dedicated.

"We are severely short handed and no good prospects have been found to fill those gaps.."

This is a problem even if willing to delegate.

 

[Streetwise]

Yes Chance I don't think this is about ADD so much as exhaustion. Where's your downtime? And if home's not great either, you're really up against a tough situation. I wonder if the ASAP or ADD is what's making it hard to recognise you can and need to have some breaksort and time off? I know I struggle to be off sick however ill I occasionally am, working thru a tooth abcess recently in agony really. The experience you coped so bravely with was mind blowing and now Yr exhausted and need a rest. Please get yourself some time to relax. Worried for you.

like me he also has a panic disorder and that rules your life,I don't mean a panic attack that lasts five minutes and you never get one again ,I mean panic attacks that can last day in day out for the rest of your life .
because it is a disorder you don't have the ability to be 100% ordered, he doesn't appear to be at the stage I'm at yet - he can still breathe very well but the problem is his mindfulness technique is not perfect , you have to have something to make stress stop , combine that with OCD,allergies and a neurodevelopmental disorder means you rarely have energy reserves.
from what I've seen of the Texas Forest service wildfire Facebook page the fires just don't stop.
Texas is just not getting enough rain .

 

[Rayner]

Texas is really dry right now. North Texas has had 4 wildland fires and it's not even fire season yet.

like me he also has a panic disorder and that rules your life,I don't mean a panic attack that lasts five minutes and you never get one again ,I mean panic attacks that can last day in day out for the rest of your life .
because it is a disorder you don't have the ability to be 100% ordered, he doesn't appear to be at the stage I'm at yet - he can still breathe very well but the problem is his mindfulness technique is not perfect , you have to have something to make stress stop , combine that with OCD,allergies and a neurodevelopmental disorder means you rarely have energy reserves.
from what I've seen of the Texas Forest service wildfire Facebook page the fires just don't stop.
Texas is just not getting enough rain .

 

[Chance]

Delegate?

I will when the Calvary shows up...

I only have about 5 more weeks and the summer kids will be here and then things usually get a lot easier for me if I have some good kids to work with. I can make it that long... This year is just being tough so far... Really tough so far, but its the challenges that make us grow they say...

 

[the_tortoise]

I KNOW I can be focused. I have lived it, but it leaves as fast as it showed up. WHY?

I have ADHD-C (so I'm hyperactive, impulsive, and inattentive).

There are some things I can focus on more easily than others -- is this the case for you?

Focusing appropriately takes mental energy and so does dealing with stress (good or bad) -- the more I have going on, well, resources get used up faster. For you, could the difference between able-to-focus and not-able-to-focus be related to available mental resources -- at least sometimes?

 

[Chance]

There are some things I can focus on more easily than others -- is this the case for you?

Yes, some things I can focus on and not seem to have a lot of trouble.
I sort of need a steady routine to help me not burn through that "mental energy" so fast... A lot of people cant even grasp what we mean when we say that, or it seems that way to me.

Yes, I can certainly tell when I can't focus... That alone seems to be what throws me in this mental ditch so often. I want to focus but there is just so much going on in my melon... Its like other things just keep jumping on centre stage and they refuse to shut up.

It can be something else I would rather be working on, something someone said that I can't quite figure out the gest of what they meant, ten different projects that all need attention but not what I need to be thinking about at that moment, and then sometimes this all balls up and something triggers some stupid past issue and I start rehashing something that is past and gone, but was never fixed.

Sometimes I just so bad want to go back and fix so many messes people never understood about me, but that is mostly like wishing for a genie in a bottle. It wastes my time and steals my energy and then I get aggravated over that once I notice an hour has passed and I am now further behind then what I already was.

I spend a mass of time and energy just trying to understand peoples actions or "emotions" that maybe I don't get as well as others do. I watch people (close to me) who do not take care of their personal affairs and try to blame everyone else for the shortages in their lives. Sometimes I am listed as one of the problems they have so I try really hard to see and understand what I caused to make them feel that way.

Often it was just that I didn't help them by doing stuff they need to handle on their own. Then I feel used and I get upset because I ask nothing of anyone (other than maybe patience and understanding)... and all to often that seems way too much to ask.

I need to get in my head and shove a bunch of stuff into an empty space and put a lock on that door... I just haven't quite figured out how to do that yet. If I ever do... I might find out that I'm not nearly as stupid and confused as I make myself appear to be.

I know I'm not stupid, but GOD I can do some of the most ignorant things (never meaning too at the moment) and then I just want SO BAD to rewind time just for a second and fix that... Sadly thats an option I (we) don't seem to have.

This is that "stuff" that turns into those mental monsters that drag me into those dark places. I fight them way too much it seems because I don't want to be depressed and stuck climbing out of those pits over and over. That too steals my FOCUS, my mental and physical energy.

I know LIFE is a gift to be cherished... But damn sometimes its a challenge that hurts so bad that the "GIFT" part seems to become a prison sentence. That's when I have to be a lot more aware and grateful for what I have, and not worry so much about all the stuff that trips me up.

It all sounds good in print... But doing it in real LIFE can be really hard.

Thank you Tortoise and to everyone... for trying to help me get my derailed head back on the tracks (so to speak).
I know I battle way too hard, when maybe at times I shouldn't even care, but when people no longer care we lose just a little more of who we are, and I don't deal with that very well either.

 

[Progster]

@Chance Another thing occured to me, that you should try and get some time off, even if it's just a couple of hours, but that time off should be during the evening rather than the morning or in the middle of the day. I work all sorts of irregular hours, and I've noticed that if I have mornings off, it doesn't really help/benefit me because I'm thinking about all the things I've yet to do during the day, including starting work, I end up doing chores and I can't really relax, the by the end of the day I'm exhausted. It's much better to have time off towards the end of the day, because then you know that you don't have to work and can truly relax. Plus, you'll probably sleep better, because you had time to wind down.

 

[tree]

 

[Mr Alligator]

I’m similar in the “find it hard to be off sick” category. I’d love to take a week off for mental health reasons, but just generally wait till I’m ill with something else, or wait for my annual leave and then usually end up being ill.

I don’t like to do lists - they look overwhelming.

I tend to save items to my calendar instead, e.g. roughly plan out what I’ll do when and move the calendar entry if need be.

 

[Jeff T]

The ADHD causes disregulated emotions for me-- which causes embarrassment and regret.
But the procrastination! I have about 10 projects in 'progress'. Unfortunately they have to go forward in tandem; I'll procrastinate on 5 of them which hangs up the others!
At least now that I am retired I can say "oh well" and not let it bother me much.......