When it all gets very big, I go nonverbal.

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I have this new-ish problem.

When I need to get from A to C and B is just a gaping black void that I don't know how to cross, I lose the ability to speak.

Maybe I'll be working on something, and then something unexpected happens and I get scared, and suddenly if I need help, I begin stuttering, and telling the person in sort of very basic almost baby talk what I need.

It is very embarrassing. I am scared that I am being judged. It makes me feel unlovable.

Sometimes my daughter thinks I am mad at her when I get very trembly and stuttery like this. Or she will think I am baby talking to her, patronizing her. Other times she understands. It is so very difficult.

It's like this. Three things in the kitchen all ready at once, one is ready to burn. Suddenly I say something like "I- I- I- need um um um um um. It is burning. It- I don't know. I need you to check if it is done. I - I - I will do while you do. So just do (I point to tasks). And I will do this.'

I feel so small and incapable when that happens.

I am nonverbal right now, and having a hard time explaining it. I hope you understand.

This stuttery scared behavior did not start until 2023. It is new. Like early fall it started. My father had many illnesses. And in that vacuum of power, my brother became a monster in ways you couldn't imagine. And that's when it started.

Advice? I don't want to be like this. I want to overcome it. I am very very scared.

 

[Aspychata]

https://www.wengood.com/en/psychology/stress/art-adult-mustismMaybe this can fill a little of the background what is going on. Others here probably have great advice also.

 

[Aspychata]

Mustism is a sign of generalized anxiety or response to emotional shock in some cases.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Thank you

 

[Levitat0r]

After my mom and her family utterly hosed me, promised me living arrangements, and then left me out in the gutter, I went through a period where I chose not to speak to anyone because I felt like everyone had gone insane and it was only counterproductive and painful to speak to people who are insane. That was my choice, though. I think the time I spent not saying anything helped me consider the larger picture.

The downside, is that I got tackled by some maniac, pinned to the ground, and menaced with a butterfly knife, because I chose to simply put my hands together in prayer instead of responding to his concerns. I hesitate to even share, but I don't know what else to tell. The world is bad, so stay safe.

 

[Levitat0r]

That experience was partly advised from the view that even though I don't lack for words, people tend to totally misread me, so it ends up almost as if I hadn't said anything at all. I'd been chased out of my home, out of establishments. I'd get refused service. I'd been thrown out of churches, and had the police called on me repeatedly. I felt sure some of this was politics, but also some of it was definitely just people not understanding me because I don't emote the standard way. Sure enough, after the guy with the knife dismounted me, he uttered "...weirdo....". It's basically a social crime to not be well-adjusted.

 

[Levitat0r]

I think if anybody listened to the sheer litany of violent and brutalist events I've lived through, they'd be kind of confused, but the ugly reality I see works like this. I keep pointing back to this kid I knew in grade school, and in public, he was almost non-verbal, but at home, he could rattle on endlessly, and I encouraged him to try to keep that mindset so that he could communicate in public.

My problems are not with the words. My problem is how my expressions and body language totally confound whatever message I'm sending, so I think I'm finding I'm similar to that kid, but at the body language level. Once somebody turns my life upside down, there's like a domino effect where having upset my balance, I can't get through to people anymore. Their reactions are horrifying, though. I'm not sure what they're seeing in me, but I'm afraid that it's weakness, and so their reaction to vulnerability is appalling, and brutal. It's everything from being told that there's no beer at the bar when there obviously is, to having my life threatened with a weapon. It's beyond depressing.

 

[marc_101]

@Yeshuasdaughter Can you discuss it with a doctor? I have shutdowns and when I was a kid selective mutism, although I'm not sure if they are the same or separate. The unusual part is that you say it's something new, so it seems most likely that it could be due to anxiety and the changes you mentioned, or something else. Mental fatigue, sort of like brain fog, makes it difficult for me to interact with people. I don't go silent, but it's difficult to have a conversation. Maybe try to see in which situations it happens? Sorry I can't come up with better suggestions.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Thank you

I have talked to my doctor about it. She gave me supplements for anxiety and sleep. L Theanine has really made an improvement. I was for a while, hardly sleeping, now when I take L Theanine, I sleep soundly at night, and I have less anxiety during the day.

She acknowledged that the things I am going through I cannot change. She sympathized. And said it's a sad part of reality. Nothing can be changed in my life. It's just the way things are for now, and it sucks. Like I said, she gave me L Theanine for sleep and anxiety. Oh wow it helps so much. This was worse.

What I was hoping for, through this thread, essentially, is advice from someone who goes nonverbal, but needs to fight through it, because they live in a family setting. Tactics for when I have to talk, for when I have to lead, and have no other choice.

But you know what? The empathy and support has helped a lot. Thank you guys.

 

[marc_101]

I'm glad it's not some new neurological problem!

I can only base recommendations from my personal experience. The things that work to prevent shutdowns or minimize its impact are:

1. Rest. Lack of sleep or physical fatigue make things a lot worse, but it seems that you discovered that already.
2. Making sure I have time to myself before an interaction.
3. Trying not to be on "obsessed" mode, thinking about something, ruminating.
4. Exercise to clear the mind, even walking my dog to distract myself. I have a sauna at some and that helps a lot.

Perhaps the key one:

5. Trying not to fight it. Depending on the context, getting it off your system, like telling a person: "I'm so sorry, I don't feel well today. I'm tired. When I feel like this it's very hard to talk and I feel confused, like my brain is very slow and words can't be formed. I'm not upset at all. I'll be better soon."

There is something magical when I can explain it and the other person tells me that it's ok. I can actually talk a little more. I think they realize that I'm struggling to not be like that, and they also realize that it's not something they have done.

 

[Aspychata]

I don't go mute, but l isolate myself, when the world just seems negative. I don't blame myself, l know that people have mental health challenges, and economic challenges. I believe l actually have become more empathic when l realize how many people are going thru a crisis, and l am lucky to have what l have at this point. I also have rock hard boundaries. I chose not to see my mother recently. Also, l have a friend that can be manipulative, and l don't respond to that, but l do it in a kinder way. And l made a friend where l live who struggles also and we are a support system.

 

[Shamar]

I have this new-ish problem.

When I need to get from A to C and B is just a gaping black void that I don't know how to cross, I lose the ability to speak.

Maybe I'll be working on something, and then something unexpected happens and I get scared, and suddenly if I need help, I begin stuttering, and telling the person in sort of very basic almost baby talk what I need.

It is very embarrassing. I am scared that I am being judged. It makes me feel unlovable.

Sometimes my daughter thinks I am mad at her when I get very trembly and stuttery like this. Or she will think I am baby talking to her, patronizing her. Other times she understands. It is so very difficult.

It's like this. Three things in the kitchen all ready at once, one is ready to burn. Suddenly I say something like "I- I- I- need um um um um um. It is burning. It- I don't know. I need you to check if it is done. I - I - I will do while you do. So just do (I point to tasks). And I will do this.'

I feel so small and incapable when that happens.

I am nonverbal right now, and having a hard time explaining it. I hope you understand.

This stuttery scared behavior did not start until 2023. It is new. Like early fall it started. My father had many illnesses. And in that vacuum of power, my brother became a monster in ways you couldn't imagine. And that's when it started.

Advice? I don't want to be like this. I want to overcome it. I am very very scared.

This is sort of familiar. When I get too much input or too many things start happening at once, I get a sort of (for want of a better term) brain paralysis. Thinking on it, it seems like a form of stuttering, only physical instead of vocal. I start to deal with one thing, but before I can start, another thing takes over. Sometimes it happens so quickly that I am essentially frozen. I just stand there cycling from one to another.

I don't know if this is autistic in nature, AD(no H)D, or one of my other related comorbidities.

 

[Rodafina]

What I was hoping for, through this thread, essentially, is advice from someone who goes nonverbal, but needs to fight through it, because they live in a family setting. Tactics for when I have to talk, for when I have to lead, and have no other choice.

Have you tried alternate methods of communication?

- Using a tablet
- Writing on a notepad
- Using pictures
- Creating some kind of code (especially with your daughter)

For that last idea, I'm imagining you and your daughter have a conversation while you are verbal and explain to her a certain feeling that you get, and tell her you will show her a certain picture or say one word, or something like that, so that she knows how you are feeling and that you are overwhelmed.

 

[Dagan]

Absolutely...when overwhelmed to my max point, I will just go silent. I have to. I have to better focus and process things this way. The process takes longer than most other times, but it will get done. I'll get past it.

A prime example is if ever dealing with people who are raging about whatever and push me over my edge. I'm pretty much going to go silent running. It may seem like I'm ghosting or ignoring that person, but the reality is that I'm trying to process what's truly going on. When I feel like I have a handle on things again, I'll speak up. Admittedly, this has been of issue with some quite controlling and Alpha types of personalities, as they immediately think that my being a ghost was a way of fighting them or getting back at them or sometimes even a punishment to them. Nope. I just really needed to clearly get my thoughts in order because the other person was such an extremely, annoying a-hole at the time. It is what it is. I can't force myself to function otherwise in these instances.

 

[Forest Cat]

Something very similar happened to me during a very stressful time of my life. I couldn't finish sentences and I repeated words and half sentences, stuttering. It was just a mess, I was mentally worn out and so stressed out.

It stopped when life got a little easier. I hope it gets better for you soon, hang in there.

 

[Misty Avich]

I wish I could. When it all gets very big, I go the opposite; out of control hyperactivity (but not the stereotypical happy sort, but the verbal outburst sort).

When I lived at home I (regrettably) waited for my mother to get home from work to unburden the most recent thing that's been bothering me on. It wasn't fair on my mother at all but at the time I just didn't know what else to do to let it out. It was like my emotions were pee or poop and my mother was the toilet.
I once said I was worried about what the neighbours thought of my outbursts, and my mother said dryly "they probably think it's me, because it always blows up as soon as I come home." The neighbours were too polite to say anything, but that doesn't mean they can't have heard my screaming and yelling, as my stupid voice carried.

But I couldn't deal with my emotions on my own. I had to unburden it out on the people I loved the most. I remember one time I was worrying about the Korean war, and no matter what I did all day to try and take my mind off it, I still verbally lashed out at my mother as soon as she walked in the door. "MUM! WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT THE KOREAN WAR? ARE WE ALL GOING TO DIE?? COME ON, YOU WATCH THE NEWS, TELL ME! IS EVERYTHING GOING TO BE OK? TELL ME! TELL MEEEEE!!!!!!"
My mother had anxiety and stress issues too, so her response was "probably." So that made me worse. "NO!!! NO, IT'S NOT TRUE!!! I DON'T WANT THERE TO BE WAR! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!"
"Well there's nothing you can do."
"YES THERE IS! DO SOMETHING, MUM!!! TELL ME IT'S GOING TO BE OK!!! ANYTHING!!!"
"Stop yelling, you're frightening the cat."
"DON'T TELL ME TO STOP YELLING! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! AREN'T YOU SCARED?????"
"I'm terrified."
"OH GOD, THEN IT'S ALL TRUE!! OH GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, MUM!"
Then Mum would sink down into the chair with her head in her hands sobbing, "I don't need this the minute I get in from work."
Then my brother would get involved by yelling, "will you two shut up?!"

That was what a typical outburst was like in my house, though obviously not always about war.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I went nonverbal again this evening. I was trying to give my daughter a really fun time. We did makeovers and ate grilled chicken, and were going to play videogames together.

I hurt my hand and suddenly I was stuttering and so very scared. Usually that doesn't happen. Injuries are just a part of life. And I am pretty well versed with treating minor injuries.

It wasn't the injury that scared me. I am just out of spoons, if you know what I mean, and that little thing was the last spoon.

I have seen and experienced a lot of really weird and kind of frightening stuff lately. I think my cortisol (stress hormone) has been so high lately, and I've felt very vulnerable and unprotected. And so something small like that made me non verbal.

I was stuttering trying to tell her what happened. I was like "I- I- I-" but the rest of the sentence wouldn't come. Finally I all that would come out was, "I'm scared".

I went back to the kitchen table and finished the dinner. It was good. Grilled chicken with rice. I tried to smile through it for her. I could tell she was worried.

We played video games and soon I was calm, and my daughter and I were laughing. I was able to use very simplistic sentences. And we kept the conversation joyous.

But still, I have this racing pulse of fear inside of me. I hope I managed to give her a happy day. I feel like a failure, because it was supposed to be about her, and the nonverbal part made it about me.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Something very similar happened to me during a very stressful time of my life. I couldn't finish sentences and I repeated words and half sentences, stuttering. It was just a mess, I was mentally worn out and so stressed out.

It stopped when life got a little easier. I hope it gets better for you soon, hang in there.

Yes it is like this.

 

[vergil96]

I have the same problem, but it happens not only whne I'm anxious, also when I'm tired and it's always been like this. I talked to the doctor and he said it's anxiety and asked about the situation when it happens. So yeah, so much we already know. Like others, I'd look into causes of stress and fatigue.

It wasn't the injury that scared me. I am just out of spoons, if you know what I mean, and that little thing was the last spoon.

I have seen and experienced a lot of really weird and kind of frightening stuff lately. I think my cortisol (stress hormone) has been so high lately, and I've felt very vulnerable and unprotected. And so something small like that made me non verbal.

I have had similar experiences.

I hope you can get the rest you need soon and space to process the stressful events. I'm glad to hear the supplements are helping and help you sleep better.

Have you tried alternate methods of communication?

- Using a tablet
- Writing on a notepad
- Using pictures
- Creating some kind of code (especially with your daughter)

For that last idea, I'm imagining you and your daughter have a conversation while you are verbal and explain to her a certain feeling that you get, and tell her you will show her a certain picture or say one word, or something like that, so that she knows how you are feeling and that you are overwhelmed.

I also think discussing it beforehand with your family members is useful so that they know and can help you, maybe create a code for some things.

 

[marc_101]

@Yeshuasdaughter Sorry it happened, but I think you handled it well.