when you need someone to talk to or company

[smilie]

does anyone else feel sometimes like when you go on to a place and need someone to talk to and no ones around or they are there but no ones on to chat to you, i have those days sometimes especially when i have something happening at home or anything elseor you just feel like the people that you tried to make friends with tell you that they will be on to chat to you and then they leave you there sometimes all day or most of the night or they tell you that they want to be your friend and then they go and be someone elses friend. does anyone else have that happen to them or that you feel like an outsider because all you ever wanted to do was just be yourself and try to be a friend to someone

 

[Fino]

You sound like Markness. How do I summon him @Markness. Don't know if I did it.

 

[VictorR]

Where I am, some colleges and universities, along with community centers and sometimes other organizations like libraries and non-profits that help newcomers settle, have regular "conversation" sessions, where once or twice a week they'll host a typically 1-2 hour session where people can just drop in and talk, about any topic.

These sessions are primarily intended to help newcomers and those who speak English as a second language to practice and improve on their English speaking abilities, but locals and fluent English speakers are welcome and encouraged to join. What makes them great is that there's usually no obligations, so if one day, there is a session and you wish to join, you can do so, without having to commit to any further sessions.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I feel the same way at times even here.

 

[GafferGragz]

I feel the same way at times even here.

Me too, but people are people. Everywhere.

 

[Siv]

I feel the same way.

 

[GafferGragz]

because all you ever wanted to do was just be yourself and try to be a friend to someone

All my life. Its so odd, some people make friends left and right, but I cant. I have lots of compassion and I'm not shy to give it out, and love, but people shy away. I'm no hunk, but I don't think my appearance is the reason. Nor do I get ladies interested in me, but I think that is bc I've never appeared as a good provider and I hate butting heads with other men as to show off.
I see you also fail/struggle to decode when people tell white lies or half truths, and feel the hurt. me too.
Maybe I'm so shy/introvert and bad to decode people that they actually have to point out that they are my friend!? That may be the case

 

[Kirsty]

Same here

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I feel the same.

I can have very good conversations IF I mask properly, play the social game and behave as expected. So I do that at work, casual friends and at some lesser grade with my family and closer friends.

Being totally natural and enjoy a conversation without in "self watching mode"? Letting myself go? Talking while I play with things and move arround? Only with very very few people who are my close friends, and I suspect most of them have autism traits too.

As my daugther is 8 years old I still can talk freely with her with minor help from my wife. But as she grows older I am starting to adjust to her needs like I do with my wife. A very soft masking.

Its a bit sad, buts its way better than being alone. I love both of them so much.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Being out in a rural area, just my spouse and myself, things are frequently quiet and laid back. But once a week I know that I will certainly get out with the bike club. Today at breakfast it was nice being greeted by people I've come to know, hiking with them and talking about odd topics like insect taxonomy or planning bike rides for the summer. With this group it is so easy that it does not take much effort to socialize. Some of then used to work in Special Ed, all of them are very accepting

 

[AspieOtaku]

I always feel like i have to walk on eggshells.

 

[smilie]

I always feel like i have to walk on eggshells.

i feel like i have to do the same walk on eggshells i know how my bf feels

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Nor do I get ladies interested in me, but I think that is bc I've never appeared as a good provider and I hate butting heads with other men as to show off.

Maybe women notice you more than you think. I used to think the same way and a lot of it was missing social signals. While I have gotten better I still take a while to process things. In CPT part of learning to stop the negative thoughts about myself has been to really take a look at reality. From my unwanted isolation, a message I would tell myself is; "girls/women never notice me." I had to dig deep and with 20/20 hindsight I recognized that this message is not true. One early memory was from HS when I was severely lonely. A nice girl in one of my classes called me up on the weekend to ask some questions about difficulties she was having and all I did was rattle off the answers. Now I recognize that from the tenor of the conversation that it was an invitation to come over and study and she was hoping to connect. I feel sad about my inability to recognize that communication - my loss.

Defects in our social sense are common and ladies may notice and take an interest in you more than you recognize. We sometimes discount NTs as shallow, but for many of them, character, values and interests count for a lot in relationships, and, yes, the potential to provide for somebody does count too, and the ability to live independently demonstrates this.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Where I am, some colleges and universities, along with community centers and sometimes other organizations like libraries and non-profits that help newcomers settle, have regular "conversation" sessions, where once or twice a week they'll host a typically 1-2 hour session where people can just drop in and talk, about any topic.

These sessions are primarily intended to help newcomers and those who speak English as a second language to practice and improve on their English speaking abilities, but locals and fluent English speakers are welcome and encouraged to join. What makes them great is that there's usually no obligations, so if one day, there is a session and you wish to join, you can do so, without having to commit to any further sessions.

That must feel so welcoming!

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Maybe women notice you more than you think. I used to think the same way and a lot of it was missing social signals. While I have gotten better I still take a while to process things. In CPT part of learning to stop the negative thoughts about myself has been to really take a look at reality. From my unwanted isolation, a message I would tell myself is; "girls/women never notice me." I had to dig deep and with 20/20 hindsight I recognized that this message is not true. One early memory was from HS when I was severely lonely. A nice girl in one of my classes called me up on the weekend to ask some questions about difficulties she was having and all I did was rattle off the answers. Now I recognize that from the tenor of the conversation that it was an invitation to come over and study and she was hoping to connect. I feel sad about my inability to recognize that communication - my loss.

Defects in our social sense are common and ladies may notice and take an interest in you more than you recognize. We sometimes discount NTs as shallow, but for many of them, character, values and interests count for a lot in relationships, and, yes, the potential to provide for somebody does count too, and the ability to live independently demonstrates this.

If we could go back in time and start with our actual knowledge....

 

[GafferGragz]

Maybe women notice you more than you think. I used to think the same way and a lot of it was missing social signals. While I have gotten better I still take a while to process things. In CPT part of learning to stop the negative thoughts about myself has been to really take a look at reality. From my unwanted isolation, a message I would tell myself is; "girls/women never notice me." I had to dig deep and with 20/20 hindsight I recognized that this message is not true. One early memory was from HS when I was severely lonely. A nice girl in one of my classes called me up on the weekend to ask some questions about difficulties she was having and all I did was rattle off the answers. Now I recognize that from the tenor of the conversation that it was an invitation to come over and study and she was hoping to connect. I feel sad about my inability to recognize that communication - my loss.

Defects in our social sense are common and ladies may notice and take an interest in you more than you recognize. We sometimes discount NTs as shallow, but for many of them, character, values and interests count for a lot in relationships, and, yes, the potential to provide for somebody does count too, and the ability to live independently demonstrates this.

I don't know, I know I'm not able to decode other people, and I'm fluent enough in biology and game theory/strategy to understand how it works. Its more like I know myself to be worthy but no one seem to notice. Something like that. My biology intensely insist that I need someone to hug and get hugged by, that I'm sure off lol. And I cant fake it. Ofc I also has the feeling of 'don't look at me, I'm ugly'. I often get lost in the endaviour of understanding humanity vs understanding myself .... But I can tell you, the journey is awesome.

Cheers
GG

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I don't know, I know I'm not able to decode other people, and I'm fluent enough in biology and game theory/strategy to understand how it works. Its more like I know myself to be worthy but no one seem to notice. Something like that. My biology intensely insist that I need someone to hug and get hugged by, that I'm sure off lol. And I cant fake it. Ofc I also has the feeling of 'don't look at me, I'm ugly'. I often get lost in the endaviour of understanding humanity vs understanding myself .... But I can tell you, the journey is awesome.

Cheers
GG

I was not able to notice women interest until recently, and now that I am married Im no longer interested.

Having some friends that may tell you when you cant see the signals is usefull. I did that when younger, but my female friend cheated me on this and filtered out those how had the potential of being true love for me. That female friend was afraid that I would turn my back on her If I really fall in love with a girl... friendhip and love may have very different meaning for NT than for me...

So I was not able to read the signals, and add that I may appear to be attractive for them until I started to talk and show my true self... so I was doing better in new places (parties and discos of other towns) were I could not have a conversation and my energy got drained. Also, knowing that the only thing somewhat interesting for them was my face, and that they would reject me if I ever showed my true self was SO SAD for me that I just stopped doing that. I was destroying myself.

My understanding of others improved with time and close to my thirties I could mask and understand well enught to be of any use to a NT person.

We often think in terms of being victims, but If we cant read, non undertand, non provide the emotional support a girl is looking for... Why would they choose us? Just to do ONG work? To bring balance to the world?

Focusing on provide value to others is the best way to also recieve back. In my experience.

Best of luck.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I don't know, I know I'm not able to decode other people, and I'm fluent enough in biology and game theory/strategy to understand how it works. Its more like I know myself to be worthy but no one seem to notice. Something like that. My biology intensely insist that I need someone to hug and get hugged by, that I'm sure off lol. And I cant fake it. Ofc I also has the feeling of 'don't look at me, I'm ugly'. I often get lost in the endaviour of understanding humanity vs understanding myself .... But I can tell you, the journey is awesome.

Cheers
GG

Your well reasoned and articulate writing tells me that you possess more value than you give yourself credit for. Please do not feel ugly. In researching the lies I told myself when I was socially and sexually isolated I read how a failure to progress through some milestones for intimacy leads to distortions of body image and self concept. I was there in spades. What helped me was involvement in activity groups aimed at my interests. It let me practice being social and eventually let me understand the qualities of people that I liked.