Where might I find

[Randomperson]

some information and explanations on learning how to socialize? I have decided it is time that I work on the fact that I am 35 years old and I have never had anyone call me a friend or had anyone to call a friend.

I have attempted to use search engines for this on more then one occasion and only gotten vague results in links that suggest things like "have social skills explained and broken down" and "find a social mentor". Thats all fine and dandy, but who is to do the explaining? to be the mentor?

I am blunt as a hammer, its the way I am, and I have asked these things of people in the past, needless to say I learned nothing of what I asked and only that the average humans nature is to lash out and seek to injure further rather then to help someone like me.

 

[Effy]

When I look things up on Google, I look up things such as, "how to ___", "does he like me", "why should i ___", etc. It's knowing how to use Google and how to search, as well as knowing how to keep it general enough to gather adequate results.

 

[Randomperson]

yes, I tried "how to make friends", all I got was vague and extremely useless information for anyone that does not already "know" how to do the friend thing. Not comfortable with the term "make" a friend either, if I have to make them be my friend it sounds like force is involved.

 

[Effy]

Try "aspie guide to ___", e.g. aspie guide to making friends. It doesn't matter if you like the word; these people use SEO, Search Engine Optimization, to get their blogs up in search results, thus you have to know how that works/how to use Google to get what you want.

 

[Randomperson]

Okay the first thing to pop up is:
"1. don't be yourself (whatever you do)
2. limit your conversations with people to superficial topics
3. go out to bars
4. your idea of a fun evening should be going out to a bar with many people you barely know, getting drunk, eating some greasy food, and returning home after your clothes stink with cigarette smoke.
5. be obsessed about sports, especially if you're a guy.
6. your goal should be to meet as many people as possible rather than meet one or two people whom you feel connected to.
7. have a profile on facebook, tweets, myspace, and update your drunk pictures at least daily.
8. always have a smile on your face, especially if you're a woman. a woman is not allowed to show negative emotions.
9. if you're depressed, or have financial problems, or family issues, keep those to yourself. nobody out there really cares about your happiness or well-being.
10. don't ever admit to be insecure or lack confidence in yourself.
11. laugh at whatever dumb youtube video others are laughing, even if you find it boring/not funny.
12. if you're bored during a night out with your "friends", don't show it.
13. get a boyfriend if you're a woman, or people will think that there's something wrong with you. this rule doesn't apply to men.
14. if you're a woman who needs glasses, get contact lenses. wearing glasses makes you look serious and intelligent--both are unattractive qualities for a woman to have.

please keep on adding to my list."

Please tell me that is sarcasm (I am usually pretty good with sarcasm but this one has me confused). I can or will not do any of those 14 things, if this is not sarcastic I am officially doomed for the rest of my miserable lonely life, and I do not really want that.

 

[Effy]

Yes, I see you only clicked the first website? You have to look in multiple places, and choose what it best for you.

 

[Randomperson]

after that first one I find myself extremely discouraged.......

 

[Effy]

Mkay, well. I can't really do anything about that. It's the Internet. There are many other great results on there, and it's not necessarily always the first that works.

 

[Randomperson]

yes, but it helps alot when something on the first page at least looks reasonable

 

[Sylar]

There is some good information on the first page of that search, the first result on the page just wasn't useful to you. You have to keep looking. Also it helps to attempt to take things less literally and read between the lines.

Okay the first thing to pop up is:
2. limit your conversations with people to superficial topics
3. go out to bars
5. be obsessed about sports, especially if you're a guy.
6. your goal should be to meet as many people as possible rather than meet one or two people whom you feel connected to.
7. have a profile on facebook, tweets, myspace, and update your drunk pictures at least daily.
8. always have a smile on your face, especially if you're a woman. a woman is not allowed to show negative emotions.
10. don't ever admit to be insecure or lack confidence in yourself.
11. laugh at whatever dumb youtube video others are laughing, even if you find it boring/not funny.
12. if you're bored during a night out with your "friends", don't show it.

For example, it might be more useful to see some of the things more like this:
2. Discuss broad topics that people can easily take part in, not a special interest that might require knowledge. It makes conversation easier and more open to replies.
3. Go to public places where making small talk to a stranger isn't so weird. People in bars usually go there to be social.
5. Take the time to learn a little about the common interests of people in your sex/age group.
6. Pretty much what it says. Meet people and improve your social skills, don't just latch on to a small number and hope to be friends instantly.
7. If you have social media show off your activities and interests so people know you do more than just spend your time alone or at a computer.
8. Be friendly and approachable.
10. Like a couple of the other entries on the list that I removed from my post, don't get into the negative topics of your life. You're trying to meet people and make friends, people aren't going to want to spend time with a person who makes them feel sad.
11. See point 5.
12. Make an effort to please the people who are making the effort to get to know you.

 

[bentHnau]

Depends on why you don't have friends. If you simply aren't terribly interested (and I mean genuinely interested in other people, not interested in the abstract concept of having a friend), no amount of advice will help. Also depends on what sort of friend you want/why you want to be friends.

 

[Randomperson]

Depends on why you don't have friends. If you simply aren't terribly interested (and I mean genuinely interested in other people, not interested in the abstract concept of having a friend), no amount of advice will help. Also depends on what sort of friend you want/why you want to be friends.

Well as far as I know, I do not have friends because I do not know how to have friends, I have never had a friend, only enemies and neutral non aggressive persons. I would not particularly care that I did not have friends except theres a part of me back in the abyss of my mind nagging me to not be alone all of the time.

Also, Sylar, thank you for rephrasing that into something less negative. Although it still does not help me much, as the main interest of the people around here is alcoholism, one I do not share. Bars smell bad, are too loud, and alcohol does not taste good. Most of the other teetotalers are religious zealots, and for reasons we do not need to go into for now, I am not religious, so they and I would not get along either.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Okay the first thing to pop up is:
"1. don't be yourself (whatever you do)
2. limit your conversations with people to superficial topics
3. go out to bars
4. your idea of a fun evening should be going out to a bar with many people you barely know, getting drunk, eating some greasy food, and returning home after your clothes stink with cigarette smoke.
5. be obsessed about sports, especially if you're a guy.
6. your goal should be to meet as many people as possible rather than meet one or two people whom you feel connected to.
7. have a profile on facebook, tweets, myspace, and update your drunk pictures at least daily.
8. always have a smile on your face, especially if you're a woman. a woman is not allowed to show negative emotions.
9. if you're depressed, or have financial problems, or family issues, keep those to yourself. nobody out there really cares about your happiness or well-being.
10. don't ever admit to be insecure or lack confidence in yourself.
11. laugh at whatever dumb youtube video others are laughing, even if you find it boring/not funny.
12. if you're bored during a night out with your "friends", don't show it.
13. get a boyfriend if you're a woman, or people will think that there's something wrong with you. this rule doesn't apply to men.
14. if you're a woman who needs glasses, get contact lenses. wearing glasses makes you look serious and intelligent--both are unattractive qualities for a woman to have.

please keep on adding to my list."

Please tell me that is sarcasm (I am usually pretty good with sarcasm but this one has me confused). I can or will not do any of those 14 things, if this is not sarcastic I am officially doomed for the rest of my miserable lonely life, and I do not really want that.

Yes this is sarcasm. Some are quite funny, but some of the things listed people do think are kinda true. #13 and #14 I think are a little true.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

How to meet friends. Hmm. No bars- I don't like them either. You're not religious so church is out. If you have a hobby (I have knitting) so I tried a knitting group from "Meetup.com" and that really didn't work out for me - they were caddy women. Work is a possibility, but I don't like to mix work and fun - it could bite you in the butt. One of my best friends is a neighbor of mine (she's unique and none of the other neighbors like her, but I think she's great!) I met a really good friend on here and I hope we'll get to meet one day! I have to say I have met the neatest people right on this site and I really mean that (that's why I spend so much time here).

 

[Randomperson]

I have hobbies and interests, but not really any that I share with local people. It does not help that I live where I live either, since the little town that is a 15 mile drive only has a population of 3 thousand or so. The nearest "population" center is Minot, a town of 100 thousand or so, and it is over 100 miles each way to visit.

If anyone is interested in more friends, I like the "A Song of Ice and Fire" books, "The Wheel of Time", and "The Stormlight Archives" series. I was also absolutely fascinated by the tv series "Burn Notice" and I like alot of the ones they are still running. I also really like "Hell on Wheels" from amc, and "Sons of Anarchy" and "Justified" from fx. Basically if its an exciting thrilling escape from a miserable and boring reality, I like it.

I have alot of video games too, with half of my steam library installed at once, there is over a terrabyte on my laptop.

I also have a jeep I like to work on to scratch my mech. things itch. Although I am by no means a mechanic, my fingers are too dumb for it.

And I am a cat person, nothing against dogs, but they bark too much and have to go outside all the time, and require bathing. Cats just suit me better, they never have to go outside, they use a sand box instead, and they are self cleaning.

I would even consider myself a good listener, I can listen to almost anything as long as its not in the form of angry shouting, although if its really boring and giving me a headache I will let you know. I just do not care to listen to silence, I have had enough of silence for 10 life times.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Well, I have no cable and I have some video games, but I never play them anymore. I prefer to knit, crochet, watch a movie, exercise, read, clean or talk on Aspie Central!

I have a cat (Waldo) who meows MUCH louder than any dog! I love Grumpy Cat - can't you tell?

I have a jeep too! A Liberty limited 2006 - hardly driven. What kind of Jeep do you have?

I'm getting a new scent from Yankee Candle called "leather" that I'm going to put in my Jeep after I wash and wax and clean the leather. I can't wait! Customers are saying it smells just like the real thing!
Oh. Jeep has been contacting me for a recall on my vehicle and they want to put on a trailer hitch. I don't want it. Do I have to have that done or can I refuse it?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I have hobbies and interests, but not really any that I share with local people. It does not help that I live where I live either, since the little town that is a 15 mile drive only has a population of 3 thousand or so. The nearest "population" center is Minot, a town of 100 thousand or so, and it is over 100 miles each way to visit.

If anyone is interested in more friends, I like the "A Song of Ice and Fire" books, "The Wheel of Time", and "The Stormlight Archives" series. I was also absolutely fascinated by the tv series "Burn Notice" and I like alot of the ones they are still running. I also really like "Hell on Wheels" from amc, and "Sons of Anarchy" and "Justified" from fx. Basically if its an exciting thrilling escape from a miserable and boring reality, I like it.

I have alot of video games too, with half of my steam library installed at once, there is over a terrabyte on my laptop.

I also have a jeep I like to work on to scratch my mech. things itch. Although I am by no means a mechanic, my fingers are too dumb for it.

And I am a cat person, nothing against dogs, but they bark too much and have to go outside all the time, and require bathing. Cats just suit me better, they never have to go outside, they use a sand box instead, and they are self cleaning.

I would even consider myself a good listener, I can listen to almost anything as long as its not in the form of angry shouting, although if its really boring and giving me a headache I will let you know. I just do not care to listen to silence, I have had enough of silence for 10 life times.

I'm sorry - I forgot to quote you above.

 

[Randomperson]

Well a recall about a hitch is likely a concern that the hitch may fail if you are using it to pull a trailer or carry a container, as long as you never actually use the hitch I would not worry about it. I have a 2014 jeep wrangler. I was very much tired of getting stuck every time it rained too much or snowed more then a little (which covers all four seasons where I live) in my little 2 wheel drive toyota. Then one day on a run to town for food I saw a version of the wrangler in the parking lot and liked it alot, so I looked into it online, did 100 hours of research on it, in under a week, and went and bought one.

Its the most luxury item type of thing I have ever bought, and I really like it, it is bright fire red with black fenders and hard top, which the hard top can be unbolted and taken off like a convertible, which makes it a shame that I hate sun light touching my skin (honestly after a few minutes it hurts).

It is the first vehicle I ever liked enough to wash, so I had to learn to properly wash it, and get those special microfiber towels to dry it with because the water here dries into a white crust if you do not wipe it off. And I waxed it too so its shinier. The extra nerdy part of me really likes the black and red because those are my chaos colors from warhammer and 40k, but nobody around here plays those so I have to get my fix when I can with things like my trucks colors.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Well a recall about a hitch is likely a concern that the hitch may fail if you are using it to pull a trailer or carry a container, as long as you never actually use the hitch I would not worry about it. I have a 2014 jeep wrangler. I was very much tired of getting stuck every time it rained too much or snowed more then a little (which covers all four seasons where I live) in my little 2 wheel drive toyota. Then one day on a run to town for food I saw a version of the wrangler in the parking lot and liked it alot, so I looked into it online, did 100 hours of research on it, in under a week, and went and bought one.

Its the most luxury item type of thing I have ever bought, and I really like it, it is bright fire red with black fenders and hard top, which the hard top can be unbolted and taken off like a convertible, which makes it a shame that I hate sun light touching my skin (honestly after a few minutes it hurts).

It is the first vehicle I ever liked enough to wash, so I had to learn to properly wash it, and get those special microfiber towels to dry it with because the water here dries into a white crust if you do not wipe it off. And I waxed it too so its shinier. The extra nerdy part of me really likes the black and red because those are my chaos colors from warhammer and 40k, but nobody around here plays those so I have to get my fix when I can with things like my trucks colors.

You have great taste! I love Wranglers! (With the hard tops) and I love red! My Jeep is like a dark olive color which makes the chrome really stand out. I have microfiber towels too and I get all my car products from my favorite place -Amazon. I didn't really do that much research on mine - my sister-in-law had a different version and I wanted the same vehicle except a little more expensive model with the extra chrome. It's too bad you can't be in the sun long. I have a sunroof and really like using that - of course when I go on the hwy my hair is so long it gets sucked up and out the sunroof (looks a little weird!) Anyway, they're wanting to put that trailer hitch on because it is supposed to help if there's an accidental hit from the back. I just don't like the looks of it and I don't want it on there. I'm just going to take my chances.

 

[Randomperson]

Well if its a ford pinto issue and the hitch update keeps the gas tank from rupturing go ahead and get it done,

this is what my jeep looked like before I personalized it with metal hood latches and a rock shield on the lip of the hood and air vents so I can leave the window down a bit to keep the rain out, and I put a rubber Jeep plug in the hitch receiver that hides the hole since I do not use it. I am ocd enough that the white inside the top drove me nuts so I painted it red instead

and the seat stitching bothered me so I took a sharpie to it

but there I go on another tangent.