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Lucille2888

Lucille2888

Member
im not even sure where to start . My name is lucielle ( for nickname purposes ) and i am 26. I am not diagnosed as of yet but really feel like i have aspergers potentially. My whole life i have felt different . I never fit in in school . I got teased alot. Mostly for my now what i know to be a stim . ( i happen to deviate my jaw move my tonuge to the side and kinda chew and humm , its a weird sensation in my tmj but i cant stop ) anyways teachers used to single me out because i was a disturbance , and i would nervously laugh or when it was pointed out and i was teased all the time .sometimes i would catch myself other times not. I delt with that issue for years i would do it in my sleep and my parents would get woken up and just come tell me to shut up . I no longer stim in school ( college ) but i noticed that i have been increasingly doing it more with my stress levels being high . I have two children . Being in college and a single parent household can be stressful and a few weeks ago i started having bad what i know now to be panick attacks . Well a couple friadys ago i had one in class . I was observing my peers having normal healthy conversations about hanging out and doing this and that and all i could think is why cant i just relate to people ??? Why cant i just be normal .... And i broke down . My teacher saw this and came to talk .... I explained to her my fustrations and how i have never felt like i fit in with everyone else . I dont have the same interests , i never connect, i constantly annoy others or piss them off and dont even know it until they verbalize it . She asked me if i had ever been diagnosed with autism ? At first i was really kind of taken back ( i didnt really know what autism was besides the stigma that is out there. Well after class i started reserching .... I felt like i found where i fit . I set up an appointment with my doctor and concelling ....and hope to get tested but im hoping to connect with those who might relate to me . Maybe i wont feel so alone
 
Welcome aboard! :) this is a great, friendly and helpful community. It's a great feeling to finally understand things.
Best wishes
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Lucille2888 said:
im not even sure where to start . My name is lucielle ( for nickname purposes ) and i am 26. I am not diagnosed as of yet but really feel like i have aspergers potentially. My whole life i have felt different . I never fit in in school . I got teased alot. Mostly for my now what i know to be a stim . ( i happen to deviate my jaw move my tonuge to the side and kinda chew and humm , its a weird sensation in my tmj but i cant stop ) anyways teachers used to single me out because i was a disturbance , and i would nervously laugh or when it was pointed out and i was teased all the time .sometimes i would catch myself other times not. I delt with that issue for years i would do it in my sleep and my parents would get woken up and just come tell me to shut up . I no longer stim in school ( college ) but i noticed that i have been increasingly doing it more with my stress levels being high . I have two children . Being in college and a single parent household can be stressful and a few weeks ago i started having bad what i know now to be panick attacks . Well a couple friadys ago i had one in class . I was observing my peers having normal healthy conversations about hanging out and doing this and that and all i could think is why cant i just relate to people ??? Why cant i just be normal .... And i broke down . My teacher saw this and came to talk .... I explained to her my fustrations and how i have never felt like i fit in with everyone else . I dont have the same interests , i never connect, i constantly annoy others or piss them off and dont even know it until they verbalize it . She asked me if i had ever been diagnosed with autism ? At first i was really kind of taken back ( i didnt really know what autism was besides the stigma that is out there. Well after class i started reserching .... I felt like i found where i fit . I set up an appointment with my doctor and concelling ....and hope to get tested but im hoping to connect with those who might relate to me . Maybe i wont feel so alone
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L. You are not alone here. You are among over 7000 folks spread all over the spectrum. Some share your story and others have stories of their own. Enjoy and post often.
 
You picked a fine time to post here Lucille... ;)

Hi & welcome,
It may well be you are on the spectrum. You have only shared a limited ammount of your experience, but what you mention is in the autistic ballpark. Have you tried any of the free online self-tests?
 
Yeah I can relate a lot. I've never been able to relate to people, and sometimes it bothers me a lot and gets me really depressed and anxious. I was bullied a lot as a kid too.
 
Welcome, Lucielle.

Do you find you relate to the character Lucie? I sure do at times. I remember watching one episode where they were stuck at a border because Lucie forgot her papers at the hotel, or so she though. I think it turned out they were on her person the whole time. That is totally something I would do. LOL

As for other people's interests; it might be nice to have more in common with other people, but would I really want to like the same things they do? Most people's interests (subjectively speaking, of course) are just uninteresting. I would much rather indoctrinate them into loving sharing my much more interesting interests than conform to their banality. My success has been fairly limited. If I'm on my game though I can insinuate the topic cuttlefish mating practices into a casual conversation.
 
I totally do stuff like that all the time for sure. And I do feel similar to you about others interests. Generally others interests don't interest me al all but one still wants to make it in this world and sometimes it requires having social relationships . But the only thing I really share with anyone in class ( this is where I am surrounded by most people) is with my closest friend and veganism. On the contrary pretty much everyone else I know likes to argue about it. And I'm a passionate person who doesn't usually get when I'm apperently being insulting so it's a little difficult .
 
Hi, and welcome to the forum. You definitely aren't alone here. I'm sure this will be a place where you can feel that you belong :)
 
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