Why am I being ignored?

[Acorn_Elf]

A person that I've been friends with for a month told me yesterday that he wanted to hang out today and today he has been ignoring me. I sent him a good morning text and then asked if he was still able to hang out and he never answered. I called an hour later, still no answer. Also, he usually always answers my good morning texts. I'm upset that I'm being ignored instead of told "sorry I have to cancel plans." I feel like complete trash now. I've been crying about it all day and now I have a horrible headache. I also feel stupid for wasting my day waiting on him. I woke up all excited too.

 

[Otenba]

Sorry to hear your friend has let you down. That is rather poor show of them. I hope they have a good excuse when they finally get back to you. In the meantime, spend some time relaxing/stimming to help you feel better. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you.

 

[Full Steam]

Take it easy.

NTs don't see friendship like we do, and there is a risk of being seen as needy.

It took me a long time to figure this out, but you have to relax and see that, while you would never do that, NTs don't care as much about changed plans.

They are just working from a different play book.

Give him time, and space. Recognise that people forget and change their minds, things come up and go wrong in their lives, and it's probably not about you. Don't take it personally.

We can see slights in the smallest things, and get the wrong idea about social situations. NTs don't see things as seriously.

Hope it works out in the end.

 

[pjcnet]

I am not saying you are the same, but a friend of mine who I suspect is also autistic gets over obsessive over friends, any friend he makes he will call, text and even message online far too much, then if they one day don't answer the phone he gets all upset. If he organises going out it will be a huge deal to him and he will often repeatedly keep ringing the person about it beforehand, but it often isn't such a big thing to an NT friend. The problem is his obsessiveness actually causes them to back away and he has lost lots of potential friends this way. Only this morning he met a new potential friend, he's already called him 3 times today and I have tried to tell him not to call him so much when he was going to call him yet again, he is also obsessively looking online for a suitable day out with his potential new friend and he wants to keep ringing him about it, this is over the top when he's only just met a potential friend today and if he doesn't back off, the person is likely to get annoyed and apprehensive over the new friendship, then if he still persists he is likely to walk away completely.

If you are calling your friend too often, try to give him some space, don't repeatedly keep ringing if he's not answering, at least leave it a while in between tries or send a friendly text message, then leave it for the day. I know it's easier said than done. There's could be loads of reasons why he didn't go, something probably came up or perhaps he simply changed his mind, but some people feel really awkward speaking to someone they're letting down, especially if they think they'll be upset and they may just ignore them instead, I know this isn't a nice thing to do, but it's common human nature and some people are naturally more reliable than others. If he doesn't answer tomorrow send him another friendly text about something nice and don't mention him letting you down, he is more likely to talk to you if he doesn't think you're going to be still upset about it, I learnt this from experience with some people.

If he happens to be a naturally unreliable person, then you probably won't be-able to change this, you will have to take him at face value if you wish to remain friends, just learn not to rely on him and if you do arrange to go out, be prepared to be let down and have backup plans if possible or if you know someone else who is more reliable invite them too so you can still go without him.

I hope you sorts things out and rearrange an alternative day that he does turn up to, or alternatively you have a good day out with someone else.

 

[SusanLR]

I'm going through the same thing.
A fairly new friend, (or thought was friend), has been
texting regularly and also we usually meet up on Saturday mornings. He always texts Friday night about time, etc.
Two weekends ago he texted about Saturday and I couldn't make it. Other matters prevented me so I text back that I couldn't meet at that time but would let him know later.
He didn't reply. I've since texted him three times and no reply. Don't understand.
And I don't want to go confront him in person with a "Hey,
why don't you answer my texts?"
Common courtesy. I would not ignore three texts from him.

 

[Bolletje]

Could it be that your friend has some issues of his own? Back when I was clinically depressed, my social anxiety ramped up to pretty terrible levels. I really wanted to hang out with people, but when the day came, I dreaded any meaningful social interaction so I would flake on plans in the most unkind way: I switched off my phone and hid under the covers. Of course, then I would feel guilty afterwards, and I was afraid to switch my phone back on for fear of being confronted with my friend's hurt feelings, which lead to me going off the grid for days at a time. I'm not saying this is what's happening, but it's just one of many reasons for people not responding.

Also, if this is the first time your friend skips plans without informing you, I wouldn't make too big a deal of it. It doesn't automatically reflect negatively on you. Maybe something important came up. Maybe something happened to your friend, or his phone, or he is dealing with some personal stuff. Don't automatically assume it's got something to do with you, personally. Drop communications for now, and wait for your friend to get back in touch with you. And just in case, make a back-up plan the next time you plan to hang out.

 

[Progster]

That's annoying, and it is extremely rude and bad manners not to answer the text, given that you had arranged to go out. That would upset me, too. If he needs to cancel, he should let you know in good time that he can't make it.