Why cant I just say yes or no

[Turk]

Whenever people ask me a question, especially when its a no answer, I feel the need to go into a long winded explanation of my reasons. All thats required is a simple yes or no. Some of my explanations, have the the recipients eyes glazing over with bordem. Sometimes these complex dances, end up making me look like an inept Looney. I tried curbing this self validating behavior, by trying to stick to a simple yes or no. But the anxiety of thinking my reason for saying yes or no, may be misunderstood, is taxing. Does anyone else suffer from this form of over explanation

 

[Judge]

Does anyone else suffer from this form of over explanation

I'll try to keep it short...LOL.

I think I got involved in this subject on at least two other threads today alone! I always feel like I have to qualify whatever I say. Sometimes I'm ridiculed for it with people asking me incessant, knowingly stupid questions solely for the purpose of observing my verbose response.

I think the so-called experts refer to it as "one-way verbosity".

 

[Turk]

I'll try to keep it short...LOL.


I think I got involved in this subject on at least two other threads today alone! I always feel like I have to qualify whatever I say. Sometimes I'm ridiculed for it with people asking me incessant, knowingly stupid questions solely for the purpose of observing my verbose response.

I think the so-called experts refer to it as "one-way verbosity".

Yes id have to say that there are times I feel like I'm being set up for one of my trademark explanations. For someone who is always seeking validation, both positive or negative, I find it fraught with danger

 

[anne.bc]

Oh my god I have this same exact problem. I feel the need to launch into why yes or no first and eventually get there. Maybe I should work on that this year. My family can't stand it!

 

[Turnip]

So why are the options being considered: saying simply "yes", saying simply "no", or giving an answer so long winded that it risks having "recipients eyes glazing over with boredom" ? Surely relatively short, but more than a single word, answers are what you want, especially if you can turn your judgement over when an answer might give the wrong idea into a choice of words that might avoid such misunderstanding.

Being succinct is mentally taxing, but at at least for me, it is doable at least most of the time anyway.

 

[Turk]

So why are the options being considered: saying simply "yes", saying simply "no", or giving an answer so long winded that it risks having "recipients eyes glazing over with boredom" ? Surely relatively short, but more than a single word, answers are what you want, especially if you can turn your judgement over when an answer might give the wrong idea into a choice of words that might avoid such misunderstanding.

Being succinct is mentally taxing, but at at least for me, it is doable at least most of the time anyway.

I think you might be missing the point of my post Turnip. It is not as literal as the post title suggests, as Its not only about saying yes or no. It is also about the anxiety of giving that one word answer. I hate to think that people think badly of me because of an answer ive given. I need them to be ok with the answer, which is more about my self esteem and having my feelings validated, than anything else. So to simplify it further, im left with two options. Give a simple yes or no and suffer thru hours of anxiety because of that short answer or have the long winded answer up front.

 

[Turnip]

Sorry Turk, I am not/wasn't sure I understood correctly... but I still don't understand why "relatively short, but more than a single word, answers" wouldn't be a middle ground.

Eg. Instead of "No" you might say "I'd rather not, I had a bad experience once" without explaining further unless asked to. It betrays some of your thought process without going into a long explanation.

 

[King_Oni]

I think it depends on the situation I'm in. On forums I can easily keep on typing. In real life, I'm perfectly fine in saying "No!" and if someone wants it in more words I'll probably say "No! F*** off!".

I've ran into too many situations where I had to stand up for myself and "No" was the only valid answer, both to make it clear to the recipient as well as to not dig a deep hole for myself. If you say no, and give a view, that also opens up the debate where people will try to make you change your mind.

 

[Turk]

Sorry Turk, I am not/wasn't sure I understood correctly... but I still don't understand why "relatively short, but more than a single word, answers" wouldn't be a middle ground.

Eg. Instead of "No" you might say "I'd rather not, I had a bad experience once" without explaining further unless asked to. It betrays some of your thought process without going into a long explanation.

No problems Turnip,
I probably could of been clearer, but such is my life
And ultimately you are right in what your saying but I have issues in this area, that still need to be addressed. I always seem to be seeking someone's approval, to compensate for poor self esteem. I see it for what it is but it still causes me anxiety.

 

[Vanilla]

I think for me, I've gotten to the age where I don't get anxious as often as I used to, though new social situations may press me, it depends.

I find I usually give short answers, with little explanation, unless I really care about the topic. When I really care, I can keep going, like a freight train; though this may be more because of my self-interest in the topic, than anything else. It does annoy me when I don't correct false information at times though, but again, depends on how much I care for the topic.

I have learned to know when to shut up though, haha

 

[Paige]

I try to keep it short tbh.

 

[Judge]

I think it depends on the situation I'm in. On forums I can easily keep on typing. In real life, I'm perfectly fine in saying "No!" and if someone wants it in more words I'll probably say "No! F*** off!".

I've ran into too many situations where I had to stand up for myself and "No" was the only valid answer, both to make it clear to the recipient as well as to not dig a deep hole for myself. If you say no, and give a view, that also opens up the debate where people will try to make you change your mind.

That's true for me as well. Something far more likely to occur online than in real life.

 

[Easter]

YES... I very much have this problem.. The word 'no' is a crazy issue for me, receiving it and giving it. I have got myself into so many bad situations that I didn't want to be in due to not saying 'no' and it continues to happen, which is embarrassing and very misleading. I think it might be linked to criticism in my head and I really don't like to criticise anyone yet every other human being seems to be a hyper critical A-HOLE/POWERTRIPPINGEGOMANIAC so I am typically expecting a negative response and this is most easily avoided but not giving any negative response. Hooray!

 

[gregmcph]

Yeah. Just have to be aware of yourself. Cut short your explanation. Deep breath. "Sorry. *cough* The answer is Yes."