Why did boys get treated like they were older than what they were?

[Misty Avich]

This isn't a complaint, it's just a question.

I remember when I was 7 my grandfather died, and my parents didn't take me or my sister (then 8) to the funeral because we were too little. My older brother got to go, and also a male cousin - who was the same age as my sister. It was weird that an 8-year-old boy got to go to his grandfather's funeral but not an 8-year-old girl. Me and my sister just went to school that day. My cousin was no more closer to our grandfather than we were.

Were boys treated like they were older in the 1990s, or is it something else? I'm not up for debate, I'm just wondering, that's all.

 

[Judge]

Good question. Perhaps it may be about a flawed perception of maturity. An unfair and inaccurate assumption that young boys can handle the ritual of a funeral while little girls are considered to be more emotionally vulnerable.

The only other guess I can think of is when a parent somehow considers some of their children to have been closer to a dead relative than another.

But then parenting isn't perfect either...

 

[Neonatal RRT]

This isn't a complaint, it's just a question.

I remember when I was 7 my grandfather died, and my parents didn't take me or my sister (then 8) to the funeral because we were too little. My older brother got to go, and also a male cousin - who was the same age as my sister. It was weird that an 8-year-old boy got to go to his grandfather's funeral but not an 8-year-old girl. Me and my sister just went to school that day. My cousin was no more closer to our grandfather than we were.

Were boys treated like they were older in the 1990s, or is it something else? I'm not up for debate, I'm just wondering, that's all.

1. It could be that your 8-year old male cousin was perceived as "more mature" or able to handle the situation better than you.
2. It could be that your parents wanted to protect you from that emotional situation, or perhaps they wanted you to remember your grandfather as he was when he was alive, and not have the last memory of your grandfather be whatever you experienced at the funeral.
3. Little boys, at least up into the 1990's, but certainly before, were often subjected to the cultural expectation that they were to grow up to be mentally and physically tough. Often that meant being exposed to things, mentally and physically, that parents would never expose their daughters to. There was this mentality that, as a good parent raising a boy, that in order for them to grow up to be men, they needed to be "hardened" with mental and physical challenges. This has been the norm, more or less, for centuries, in many cultures. It's only been within the past, say, 25-30 years where parenting strategies have pulled away from these ideas.

 

[Shevek]

This is built right into our genes, and culture is currently trying to paper over the reality so it seems strange to you. Ma Nature is always trying to improve genes, which involves killing off bad mutations. However, she does the pruning on the males, because a tribe that loses many men still has the same number of babies, while a tribe that loses women as well has fewer babies. To become ready to do their duty in dangerous situations, boys are trained to control and suppress their feelings. When my sister complained that I'd hurt her feelings, I was in trouble, but I learned the definition of feelings. Two weeks later, when I realized that mine were hurt, I complained in turn, and only got two blank stares, even though mother was usually very consistent.

 

[Masked Man]

This isn't a complaint, it's just a question.

I remember when I was 7 my grandfather died, and my parents didn't take me or my sister (then 8) to the funeral because we were too little. My older brother got to go, and also a male cousin - who was the same age as my sister. It was weird that an 8-year-old boy got to go to his grandfather's funeral but not an 8-year-old girl. Me and my sister just went to school that day. My cousin was no more closer to our grandfather than we were.

Were boys treated like they were older in the 1990s, or is it something else? I'm not up for debate, I'm just wondering, that's all.

Your cousin had different parents. Each set of parents made different decisions for their own children.

My first funeral that I went to I was around maybe 6. And it was a funeral for a child. My parents were just very open about death and dying, probably because they were in the medical community.