Why do i cry when my mother hits me?

[Annaa]

I am 15 my mother used to hit me often back then but now rarely she only sometimes throws things at me when I make her really angry, but only every few months really.
But today she hit me again, she was yelling at me because I was listening to a podcast while cleaning and she told me to turn it of or she'd take my phone.
So I yelled back explain that her request was unreasonable as she was listening to one herself while cleaning
Then i put some dirty shirts infront of my door because I wanted to collect some more dirty clothes to put them in the washing machine all together, then she threw them back in my room and told me not to put dirty stuff in the middle of her house.
So out of desperation I yelled back really loudly saying that I just put it there to put it in the washing machine
Then she tried hitting my face, she only touched me a little since I put my hands up.
Then I started crying I don't even know why because it didn't hurt or anything so I wasn't crying because of pain.
But it's always like this whenever she hits me or throws things at me I start crying.
But like it doesn't even hurt so why am I crying.

 

[Rodafina]

Annaa,

It is not okay for your mother to be doing this. Whatever sort of frustration either one of you is feeling when you interact, your mother should never put her hands on you in an angry way and she should absolutely not be throwing things at you.

You crying makes a lot of sense because she is causing great harm, even it isn't physically painful. If you have been dealing with this for a long time, it may feel normal for her to treat you this way, but it is absolutely unacceptable.

Are there any other trusted adults in your life that you can speak to about this? Someone at school? An aunt or uncle? A friend's parent? A therapist or counselor? This sounds like a situation where you could use some support. Your mother should not be hitting you or throwing things at you.

 

[Forest Cat]

It's a completely normal reaction in your situation. Do you have other family members you can turn to for support? It sounds like you need support.

 

[Annaa]

Annaa,

It is not okay for your mother to be doing this. Whatever sort of frustration either one of you is feeling when you interact, your mother should never put her hands on you in an angry way and she should absolutely not be throwing things at you.

You crying makes a lot of sense because she is causing great harm, even it isn't physically painful. If you have been dealing with this for a long time, it may feel normal for her to treat you this way, but it is absolutely unacceptable.

Are there any other trusted adults in your life that you can speak to about this? Someone at school? An aunt or uncle? A friend's parent? A therapist or counselor? This sounds like a situation where you could use some support. Your mother should not be hitting you or throwing things at you.

I get that it's not okay but it's fine because I still love my mother and she isn't necessarily abusive, I get her frustration and I can deal with them, i love her so much though and I don't have anyone else I also don't want to ever leave my home, it's also not always like this most days she's nice but only sometimes.
Also it's my fault I haven't cleaned my room in weeks and I'm failing school for the second time it's understandable why she might be angry at me.

 

[Annaa]

It's a completely normal reaction in your situation. Do you have other family members you can turn to for support? It sounds like .

I get that it's not okay but it's fine because I still love my mother and she isn't necessarily abusive, I get her frustration and I can deal with them, i love her so much tough and I don't have anyone else I also don't want to ever leave my home, it's also not always like this most days she's nice but only sometimes.

Also it's my fault I haven't cleaned my room in weeks and I'm failing school for the second time it's understandable why she might be angry at me.

 

[Forest Cat]

Also it's my fault I haven't cleaned my room in weeks and I'm failing school for the second time it's understandable why she might be angry at me.

Parents are normal people with their own lives and own problems, I'm guessing your mom has things to deal with. But hitting you is never ok. Not cleaning your room is not a reason to hit you. Being angry happens to everyone at some point, but it's not a reason to hit you. And it's not your fault.

 

[Rodafina]

I agree with Forest Cat, Annaa.

I understand that you love her very much and it is clear that she is very very important to you.

You know your mother's behavior is not okay and that is good, but also try to tell yourself that this is not your fault. A common reaction for young people who have been hit by their parents is to tell themselves that they deserve it or that they caused it. This is not true. It is the responsibility of the parent to control their emotions in such a way that they would never physically harm their child. You do not deserve this. This is not your fault.

It's okay to cry about this.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Annaa dear. I am so sorry this happened to you. It is perfectly normal and healthy to cry in this situation.

I also agree with Rodafina and Forest Cat.

Your mother is abusive. Abuse is defined as hitting and screaming at people. Even if she loves you and you love her, it is abuse. Period.

It is never your fault if you mother gets angry and out of control and hits you or yells at you.

It is perfectly normal and appropriate to cry when someone you love is abusing you.

I am all too aware of how limited the resources can be for people in your position. I hope you can find someone to talk to. Maybe if your mother got some counseling or other help, she would learn to control her abusive behavior.

 

[1ForAll]

Annaa dear. I am so sorry this happened to you. It is perfectly normal and healthy to cry in this situation.

I also agree with Rodafina and Forest Cat.

Your mother is abusive. Abuse is defined as hitting and screaming at people. Even if she loves you and you love her, it is abuse. Period.

It is never your fault if you mother gets angry and out of control and hits you or yells at you.

It is perfectly normal and appropriate to cry when someone you love is abusing you.

I am all too aware of how limited the resources can be for people in your position. I hope you can find someone to talk to. Maybe if your mother got some counseling or other help, she would learn to control her abusive behavior.

Agree 100%. Not just physically abusive but emotionally abusive too. Too often society wants to minimize, hide or justify abuse occuring from certain people, but the sooner society makes them take responsibility for such, the sooner the often many victims in its path will attempt to heal and not see that as acceptable or to not repeat such.

 

[grommet]

I am 15 my mother used to hit me often back then but now rarely she only sometimes throws things at me when I make her really angry, but only every few months really.
But today she hit me again, she was yelling at me because I was listening to a podcast while cleaning and she told me to turn it of or she'd take my phone.
So I yelled back explain that her request was unreasonable as she was listening to one herself while cleaning
Then i put some dirty shirts infront of my door because I wanted to collect some more dirty clothes to put them in the washing machine all together, then she threw them back in my room and told me not to put dirty stuff in the middle of her house.
So out of desperation I yelled back really loudly saying that I just put it there to put it in the washing machine
Then she tried hitting my face, she only touched me a little since I put my hands up.
Then I started crying I don't even know why because it didn't hurt or anything so I wasn't crying because of pain.
But it's always like this whenever she hits me or throws things at me I start crying.
But like it doesn't even hurt so why am I crying.

Your mother has never hit you because you made her angry. It has never been because of something you did or do. She is wrong to ever hit you. She has no right to treat you that way. It is horrible. I grew up with that too and my father made me think it was because I was being bad. I think that is a lie.

No one gets to hit you ever and if they do, it is because something is wrong with them, not you.

I hope you can speak to an adult about this, maybe a teacher or nurse.

One day you will not live at home and you will find out that you never did anything to make people do bad things to you. They were wrong. You will slowly be able to choose the people around you.

Until then take care of yourself as best as you can. I know what this is like, I remember everything and I am 56. No one gets to treat you badly, hitting you, calling you names, blaming you for things. Even when I was young I knew something was not right about home but I could not understand it until I was older, living away from home and started feeling safer.

No one gets to treat you badly and if you feel bad when they do, you are feeling the right way about it. There is a quote from a movie called, “Pump Up the Volume”. It goes “You are not screwed up, you are reacting to a screwed up situation.”

People should treat you well.

 

[MildredHubble]

I've been through pretty much the exact same thing when I was your age @Annaa. I agree with everyone's posts and advice. I can't really add much as sometimes, even though well intentioned, giving my two cents will probably be deeply influenced by what I've been through and not be constructive beyond what others have already said.

What you are dealing with is not fair. You aren't "the problem" in this situation. Crying is a perfectly normal response when someone, particularly someone you should be able to trust, is violent towards you.

 

[AspieChris]

My mom put me in a diaper (not even shoes, only the diaper) at 5 years old as punishment for something I hadn’t even done. She then took me out in public, standing in line at the bank. Her way of teaching me a lesson, at 5 years old.

Abuse comes in many forms. And it can be very painful. I’m not suggesting you fight back, but crying might just be appropriate when you’re hurting. Even if the pain is emotional. Don’t confuse tears with weakness.

 

[Aspychata]

Sorry you both were very upset with each other. I challenge you to say- mom,- don't hit me. I am sorry you are angry with me. Can we talk about this? Hitting me isn't helping me. Talking to me about what is upsetting you is better. So sorry she hits you. I did stupid things, adults do lose it and scream because they can't understand why we do stupid things that don't seem stupid to us. Maybe your mom has a cleaning OCD thing. Try not to go there? I actually did this to my dad. He was going off on a screaming tangent. They wouldn't let me leave for babysitting for some stupid reason. I just slid down the wall and sat on the ground and stared at him. Didn't yell. He truly couldn't do anything, because l refused to engage with yelling tirade. I hope you are feeling okay today. Abuse isn't correct, and shouldn't happen to you. Your school may have counseling. You can just talk to them about trying to get along better with your mom. You have a lot of fantastic support here. We will do our best to be supportive.

Can you get a tutor at school to help with your tough subjects?

 

[Aspychata]

It was very touching reading all the posts here. I felt very loss growing up with verbal, physical abuse. Which sadly progressed into a different abuse, and then the whole course of my life changed.

 

[Annaa]

Sorry you both were very upset with each other. I challenge you to say- mom,- don't hit me. I am sorry you are angry with me. Can we talk about this? Hitting me isn't helping me. Talking to me about what is upsetting you is better. So sorry she hits you. I did stupid things, adults do lose it and scream because they can't understand why we do stupid things that don't seem stupid to us. Maybe your mom has a cleaning OCD thing. Try not to go there? I actually did this to my dad. He was going off on a screaming tangent. They wouldn't let me leave for babysitting for some stupid reason. I just slid down the wall and sat on the ground and stared at him. Didn't yell. He truly couldn't do anything, because l refused to engage with yelling tirade. I hope you are feeling okay today. Abuse isn't correct, and shouldn't happen to you. Your school may have counseling. You can just talk to them about trying to get along better with your mom. You have a lot of fantastic support here. We will do our best to be supportive.

Can you get a tutor at school to help with your tough subjects?

Thank you, my mother also suggested a tutor but I dont want to burden her money wise because she already has so much to pay for.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes schools have free tutor help. Just try asking an advisor or at the support desk, or your school library if you have one.

 

[AspieChris]

Quick observation:

I’d suggest that you not reference any of the advice you receive here if you do find yourself arguing with your mom (or even discussing the problem with any family members). I can see that argument quickly turning from the mess in your room into taking away your phone because you spend too much time online.

 

[AspieChris]

Thank you, my mother also suggested a tutor but I dont want to burden her money wise because she already has so much to pay

My parents tried to get me a tutor, but that was 1985 and what I needed was LESS teaching. I excelled on every test, but failed at homework because it was boring and I was expected to do it in a very noisy and hectic home.

Eventually, showing 2+2=4 on my homework every night for months and years….. I began getting confused and writing 2+2=22. Everything goes downhill after that.

I should have been given a test at each level and passed onto the next when/if I passed. But instead I learned to cheat well enough to get average grades. It’s not something I recommend.