Why Do People Think That People With Aspergers Can't Read Social Cues

[joe green]

I don't get why people think this. I have never had that many problems reading social cues growing up . I could tell when people were being rude to me and I would say I have a pretty good intuition about people. In my opinion, I think people don't realize is that we don't know how to respond to social cues because social interaction gives us really bad anxiety to where we think everything we say will come off as weird. That's what I go through with social interaction I'm not saying everybody with aspergers has bad anxiety like I do. Anyways I want your opinions on this stereotype about aspergers.

 

[aj]

I miss allot of social cues, my colleges tell me that they hate the way i am being spoken to by people. I don't understand what they mean but i do ask them to explain it. Once they explain i didn't realise that it was like that. Or i might get defensive and out burst then they explain and i feel awkward cause i didn't understand.

 

[The Penguin]

To start I hate when I talk to people when I reference Aspergers, they always think of Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. Like many topics, people like to reference things from a popular TV show.

I will admit during my childhood and early adult life I did had issues reading social cues. It was not until 7 years ago I started to understand.

Back to people making assumptions, more people need to be educated.

 

[Warmheart]

Some of us really do have challenges reading social cues. I'm often unclear of what people expect of me in a convo, in social gatherings, when is it my turn to speak, guessing at facial expressions... much of this is mysterious, and I'm often aware that somehow, some way, I've said something inappropriate. Again! You know how NTs have "Ah-ha" moments?"Well, socially, I have "Duh!" moments.

Picking up mood and intuition work fine in my case, but the execution of social communication and connections really befuddle me. "Duh!"

 

[epath13]

I don't get why people think this. I have never had that many problems reading social cues growing up . I could tell when people were being rude to me and I would say I have a pretty good intuition about people. In my opinion, I think people don't realize is that we don't know how to respond to social cues because social interaction gives us really bad anxiety to where we think everything we say will come off as weird. That's what I go through with social interaction I'm not saying everybody with aspergers has bad anxiety like I do. Anyways I want your opinions on this stereotype about aspergers.

I lot of people have this issue. I am much better at it now, but it took a lot of work. It didn't come naturally. I'm not sure if understanding when someone is openly aggressive would qualify, but I know, some people may not be able to read it either.

 

[clg114]

I have a hard time reading social cues. When I'm around most people engaged in idle conversation, most of the time, I have no idea what they are talking about. What they say and what they mean are two different things. These days it seems like people have their own language. I tend to take most things that are said to me literally and I know that doesn't help. When I speak to someone, I say what I mean and if I don't have anything to say, I don't say anything. That seems like a pretty good system to me, but that is not how most people converse.

 

[annominous]

I have problems with overt social cues, but seem to get the underlying message behind the social cues more than many NTs. I see things others don't seem to notice about people. I chalk that up to being an outlier, and studying people to attempt to figure them out for so many years. I am not good with smiling on command, but have learned that when I don't I make people uncomfortable. However, it's difficult for me to remember to smile so people feel comfortable and focus on interacting with them conversationally at the same time.

 

[Kaylee]

i def have issues with social cues, even to this day as an adult i will have a hard time knowing when its my turn to speak and i tend to correct people just as a reflex which tends to be taken as me being a know it all or like i am doing it against them. i def think aspies can be fine with learning social cues but i dont know if it is specifically something that comes naturally. for me atleast it is something i have to think about not just something that seems inherit like the NTs in my life. i learned a lot of stuff as a child too as my parents both worked with autisim children after college so while they may have not gotten an official diagnosis lots of my issues were being worked on in some capacity as a child

 

[Kari Suttle]

I don't get why people think this. I have never had that many problems reading social cues growing up . I could tell when people were being rude to me and I would say I have a pretty good intuition about people. In my opinion, I think people don't realize is that we don't know how to respond to social cues because social interaction gives us really bad anxiety to where we think everything we say will come off as weird. That's what I go through with social interaction I'm not saying everybody with aspergers has bad anxiety like I do. Anyways I want your opinions on this stereotype about aspergers.

I agree with this to a point. I think that, altogether, its just a very misunderstood symptom. As a kid i could understand when people were rude to me but not understand when strangers (or acquaintences) were joking with me or know what to do when even family was joking with me. I also don't understand what is appropriate in social environments that i don't have much experience in, like at work, even if i've had a job for two years now. In general, as in all the time, i can oftentimes read expressions but not be able to figure out what provoked their reaction or how i should best respond to it.

For me, i can read facial expressions and body language to a point but the main determinants of how well are (1) how chaotic or quiet the environment is, (2) the person's personality type, like i can read open and outgoing people well but i cannot read no-nonsense, business types at all, and (3) my own internal state.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh my, that is so me!!!

I am rotten with social interaction due to excessive anxiety issues, but I am quick to read emotions, albeit I can also misread emotions and often think it is aimed at me!

Sadly, I spend too much worrying about how I come across, than actually paying attention to the one talking and oh whoa get more than two talking to me and I am lost! I have such trouble sharing eye contact and can feel myself grasping for clever things to say and end up, blabbing and spitting etc and just want to flipping escape!

 

[Suzanne]

Some of us really do have challenges reading social cues. I'm often unclear of what people expect of me in a convo, in social gatherings, when is it my turn to speak, guessing at facial expressions... much of this is mysterious, and I'm often aware that somehow, some way, I've said something inappropriate. Again! You know how NTs have "Ah-ha" moments?"Well, socially, I have "Duh!" moments.

Picking up mood and intuition work fine in my case, but the execution of social communication and connections really befuddle me. "Duh!"

That is so me!!!! I just hate social gatherings and the last one I went to was so bad, that it made me say to myself, never again, Suzanne. Perhaps small gatherings but over 50 was way too much for me!

If I am in the right mood, I can laugh about it, but when I got to the house, I, in panic, grabbed the first chair near a table and honestly was like glue; too scared to move. I started chatting to this mother and her son and thought I was doing ok, until I noticed a little time later, that they had disappeared to another table and I just knew it was because of me! My husband told me that I chatted way too much and wouldn't let them talk. I rather disagree but they didn't like me, so naturally, I didn't do such a good job lol

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I don't get why people think this. I have never had that many problems reading social cues growing up . I could tell when people were being rude to me and I would say I have a pretty good intuition about people. In my opinion, I think people don't realize is that we don't know how to respond to social cues because social interaction gives us really bad anxiety to where we think everything we say will come off as weird. That's what I go through with social interaction I'm not saying everybody with aspergers has bad anxiety like I do. Anyways I want your opinions on this stereotype about aspergers.

Because it's part of the diagnostic criteria. Non-responsiveness in social situations is failing to participate in the social situation--and when you don't respond, you have no way to validate that you 'read' the cue correctly. You just think you have. But social situations require appropriate reciprocation. It's not as simple as anxiety; GAD is not the same as AS, even though they very often occur together.

 

[Progster]

I can recognise them more easily in movies, etc, but when I'm having a conversation I'm not aware of everything going on - literally, I miss them. I tend to interpret things literally and don't always see the underlying hidden cue or message - though I can recognise the most common situations such as someone looking at their watch means they want to leave, and know when to use common forms of politeness, please and thank you etc. I have great difficulty with humor and often don't pick up on it. I don't know when someone is winding me up or being sarcastic, often can't understand or respond to banter. It makes me vulnerable and I've often been the subject of bullying and teasing because of it.