Why do people want to connect, really?

[epath13]

ok, maybe it's a weird question. My brain is fried, and yesterday, I struggled to make sense out of things but I'm still going to ask it, bare with me here.
I rarely have a need to connect, to truly deeply communicate. In my world is like this - I have a thought or a feeling, I want to share it, a few people might get it and then I move on. I see something in someone's post, or hear in someone's words, something I can relate to and I might respond. But it doesn't happen that often. On occasion I have a feeling that I might be able to help someone with some humble emotional support, but mostly with information (if I've been in or dealt with similar situations) but then again I wouldn't try to do it over and over again... I know I'm missing something, something that a lot of human beings get apparently. It just seems that my perception is so different from most of the people, I have really hard time understanding why they do certain things. It seems to me that I'm on this site only to understand why people, who are supposed to be so similar to me (because most of them here have Asperger's) are still so different? Why every time I come here, I don't understand what's happening?...

Do you guys really want to connect with each other? do you really feel emotional connection? Do you need emotional connection?

one more thing, I don't know if anyone will understand what I mean here, but I believe every person grows, develops, evolves and people on the spectrum evolve in 2 ways, one of them is, sort of, straight up, like going up the stairs and another one is spiral. There's a certain disconnect between those 2. I personally recognize both of them and I want to make sure that both ways of development are not in conflict with each other. Sometimes I think people are aware of one but don't notice another, and that creates conflict. OK, never mind. I know, somewhere, deep inside, it's connected to the communication topic, but I'm not sure how

 

[King_Oni]

Not sure if I understand it completely, but I'll give it a try.

In a way I want to connect to others. It makes me feel less "alienated". It's finding people that are "like me". One can clearly wonder how estranged you are from reality though. There's a difference between "I don't like carrots either" and being totally flabbergasted by the existence of vague things like emotions. With that, I'm somewhat interested in experiences people have, especially on the spectrum since it's a... for lack of a better word, different filter.

Emotional connections I'm not looking for here, other forums, or even in real life. That's something that I'm somewhat oblivious to. I'm not saying that I'm emotionless, but I mostly don't understand what other people are rambling about if they're in their emotional state.

As for people "growing". I don't know if you can put development in a purely linear structure. That would mean that you learn exactly the same amount of "stuff" every day.

 

[Soup]

I'm more of a meeting of minds person. The emotional connection thing is not relevant to me as I've never been the touchy feely type. Meeting other Aspies has been a fascinating exercise for me. Knowing that there are others 'out there' & actually being able to find out where they live, what they're doing with their lives & what they think renders these mythic Aspies real. There are people here who are like me in some ways but very different in others. I'm not looking for clones or sameness. I believe Asperger's is its own spectrum & that we are all somewhere in this spectrum: further 'out there' in some key traits & closer to NT people in others. That & other life differences is what makes us each an Aspie but yet a unique individual.

 

[wyverary]

I'm more of a meeting of minds person. The emotional connection thing is not relevant to me as I've never been the touchy feely type. Meeting other Aspies has been a fascinating exercise for me. Knowing that there are others 'out there' & actually being able to find out where they live, what they're doing with their lives & what they think renders these mythic Aspies real. There are people here who are like me in some ways but very different in others. I'm not looking for clones or sameness. I believe Asperger's is its own spectrum & that we are all somewhere in this spectrum: further 'out there' in some key traits & closer to NT people in others. That & other life differences is what makes us each an Aspie but yet a unique individual.

Seconded.

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

king oni ... your way of putting aspergers is kind of what I've been looking for to describe it to other people. It is like seeing the world through a different filter

I believe the need to connect comes from the fact that humans are a highly social species. In evolutionary terms we survived and thrived because we had a family unit. Women go through menopause for instance because they can then focus on raising their grandchildren while the grand children's parents search for food. Well that is the current theory with some strong evidence. I believe the need to connect comes from this sort of root and is like a basic instinct.

I don't believe any aspie is in any less need of this connection, we just learn to hide it or suppress it. I'll try and explain.

I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Its called Whyalla. Its in south australia. Go look it up. Its at least half an hour to the next piece of civilisation and 4 hours drive from a city called adelaide. We have all heard of small town mentality. Where everyone knows everyone else's business. The cattiness, the ***** fights and so on.

If you live in a town like this that is the mentality you need. however if your like me and highly intelligent and you like to discuss ideas rather than people, your probably going to find it very hard in a town like whyalla to connect to anyone. There is a high number of educated people in my town due to the local steel works and the need for engineers to run it, but being educated doesn't make you intelligent so to speak. So the number of highly intelligent people in this town are small to non existent. So it becomes a lonely experience living here because there isn't many people who I can speak to on the same level as my brain works. Actually I'm yet to meet said people. Not many people wander the mental roads we aspies do because not many people have brains that can wander those roads. Therefore life becomes a lonely existence because we are forced to either lower ourselves to the levels of others or ignore that hole that is left because we can't find someone to meet us on our plane of existence.

I always remember this little quote - small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events, great minds discuss ideas. If you think of it like a pyramid, then its no wonder we all feel a bit alone.

 

[Katherine]

I'm not here for an emotional connection with others who use the forum. I'm not sure I'm really here for any kind of connection at all. More as a way to gain more understanding. To figure out what's going on with my brain and to be reassured that I'm not the only one. I feel so different in many situations, it's nice to be in one where I feel the same instead.

 

[Marycv]

I don't think it's a matter of having some sort of connection, but find people who have similar situations like you. In a way it makes me feel I am not alone, and there are others like me. It is to help someone, and maybe offer some advise. We may have gone through similar situations, and could help each other. Well that is my thoughts anyway.