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Why do you befriend people?

epath13

epath13

the Fool.The Magician.The...
V.I.P Member
I was staring at a blank...or virtually blank "new posts" page thinking, I guess it's time to post another one :) So far my last 2 posts were unsuccessful, not sure if it's due to lack of explanatory skills or the post's unrelatability (new word :P)...anyway...new topic:
Why do you befriend people online? what makes you decide to do so? Do you befriend anyone you know, talked to a few times, or someone you like and actually want to be friends with?
 
I'm quite "easy" to befriend I think. If people send me an invite on facebook and whatnot, I'll usually accept em. Rarely have I gotten an invite from a stranger. If I do, I'll check their network to see if it's a mutual friend of sorts. Otherwise I'll accept them, usually look around if there's something in common, if not... get out. Or at least talk to me, so I know what you're up to.

I rarely send out invites myself, because I always feel that I have to have something to offer if I want to befriend them. Having friends and just "befriending" someone feels weird if I take initiative to put me up there.

Also, if I know people, talked to them a few times, talk to them more often, had some kind of activity with them (some dinner somewhere, played some games with them), then yes I might add you. Usually I'd even give you a heads up in person.

If I kinda feel you're not really an "asset" in my social group... then I do not have a clue what I need you around for... especially on facebook that sometimes is really prevalent I guess. People who make statusupdates and I really wonder "why the hell do I want to know this?" It kinda feels that I befriended people that live in a totally different "world". And at some point I'll "defriend" you because you bring nothing to the table I care about. Unless.... and that's a big IF we have some kind of shared thing going on outside of something like Facebook. In general, even if people from AC for example would add me, you're probably in the safe zone cause we met through a forum, have our chats here and all... we get along fine through a common interest/topic.

But I think about 1/3 of my social networks kinda knows eachother because they all meet-up at a local hangout. Then there's 1/3 of friends from the past and about 1/3 of random people I met here and there.
 
Subject of friendship has always been a mystery for me and when it comes to online stuff, it's even worse. I always hoped there're some sort of universal rules. There obviously patterns but patterns are for observation. Following patterns would be too confusing. So at this point I decided to let it go. But I'm still curious what other people think. Personally I don't like befriending people especially if we haven't actually met and spent significant amount of time together. Let's take Facebook, if I find a person interesting I would want to know what they're saying etc, but then again maybe they don't feel the same way. If I've never actually met a person, it wouldn't matter but if I'm going to see that person again, it can be kinda awkward :) so I guess, most of the time I just let people decide for themselves. It's easier that way :)
 
People kind of have to befriend me first.
I don't intentionally try to make friends with someone who is potentially uninterested.
 
I dont know about online friends. On here it's different, I think I have what I consider to be online friends here on AC. But my membership on NFL.com is mostly just to (respectfully) argue about the superiority of my football team with other random people across the globe :) I get to know people on AC, though.

In real life its much different. I usually try to befriend anyone and everyone with few exceptions. A few are true friends that I care about, but most I just see as assets. It sounds very mean but the truth is that the more people like you the more advantages you have. Career, school, finding social events, etc. I do have some enemies but the general rule of life is that the more people like you the easier life will be.
 
If you guys want me FB befriend you, I will :) I honestly don't get offended if you don't want to.

@Dolby:
why do you want to be friends with most people in the outside world? just curious
 
I actually think it's better to have less friends. Less people to F you over, know what I mean?

Jessi Fluttershy Endsley Schneider | Facebook

I would actually like to see something on my newsfeed other than pictures of positive pregnancy tests, newborn babies, pregnant stomachs, etc. WHY IS EVERYONE HAVING A BABY EXCEPT ME?
=) *rant over*
 
epath13 said:
If you guys want me FB befriend you, I will :) I honestly don't get offended if you don't want to.

@Dolby:
why do you want to be friends with most people in the outside world? just curious
Click to expand...

Kinda hard for me to explain. I dont like having a bunch of people that Im close with. Its like Dizzy pointed out, to many people to screw us over. But Iv gotten a lot of jobs, my apartment, tools, and found out about for-sale vehicles from people liking me. I have friends but I have much more people that I consider to be positive contacts. I hope that explains it.

You should totally add me on facebook! Ill send you a PM with my name. I trust all of you with my real name, but I dont really want it posted on the message board where google can show it. The only people that know I have Aspergers is a few family members
 
I'm also the same with FB. I think it's a bit personal for me to share up here, and not everyone on my FB list is aware of my Asperger's (I'm not ashamed or anything, but I don't exactly want it advertised either)

Anyhow, if anyone would like it, feel free to PM me...or if you see me on other AC member's facebook, feel free to message me there or add me. I will so long as you're on my friends list here and/or are a nice/frequent poster. I've been going on it more recently, and it would be nice to have more people from here :)
 
Believe we have a FB thread somewhere on the board, heh... (just am to lazy to use my search-fu skills over it)

Anyhow, in general I'm fine if people add me, give me a heads up if you do. However, I think in most cases it's pretty clear who you are I guess. Especially if people from here start adding eachother... obviously if someone who adds me, has 2 people I already have on FB, it's kinda clear to "guess" what the link is there.

But yeah, I have my FB profile thing in my profile here (and just under my avatar/icon thing with my name on the left) so if anyone feels I'm an asset to their friendslist, sure...

Most people on FB aren't (the only ones that are, are the ones from AC and a handful of other people) that aware that I'm somewhere borderlining the spectrum... or at least have something "weird" going on that isn't NT. It's not that I advertise it as "look at me I'm weird" but yeah, I can just imagine how other people will either expect things or just have an even weirder idea of me, just for the sake of what it's supposed to be... kinda like thinking in stereotypes.
 
2010Dolby said:
Kinda hard for me to explain. I dont like having a bunch of people that Im close with. Its like Dizzy pointed out, to many people to screw us over. But Iv gotten a lot of jobs, my apartment, tools, and found out about for-sale vehicles from people liking me. I have friends but I have much more people that I consider to be positive contacts. I hope that explains it.

You should totally add me on facebook! Ill send you a PM with my name. I trust all of you with my real name, but I dont really want it posted on the message board where google can show it. The only people that know I have Aspergers is a few family members
Click to expand...

Yeah, I see what you're saying. It does makes complete sense. My parents tried to teach me to be that way, but I couldn't really understand how to do it. Now I know that I've been overthinking it.

And I got your message :)
 
HelloDizzy said:
I would actually like to see something on my newsfeed other than pictures of positive pregnancy tests, newborn babies, pregnant stomachs, etc. WHY IS EVERYONE HAVING A BABY EXCEPT ME?
=) *rant over*
Click to expand...

I actually understand what you mean about babies, but before I had kids I actually hated people talking about them. But I had... maybe...different reasons for that...I couldn't relate to the subject nor did I want to have kids Per se.
 
King_Oni said:
Anyhow, in general I'm fine if people add me, give me a heads up if you do. However, I think in most cases it's pretty clear who you are I guess. Especially if people from here start adding eachother... obviously if someone who adds me, has 2 people I already have on FB, it's kinda clear to "guess" what the link is there.
Click to expand...

I usually have the same avatar everywhere, so yes, you'll recognize me :)
 
I feel like I'm destroying the original topic of the thread, I really hope Im not making anyone mad :(

But, was that you I just added epath? Im on FB now haha
 
epath13 said:
I actually understand what you mean about babies, but before I had kids I actually hated people talking about them. But I had... maybe...different reasons for that...I couldn't relate to the subject nor did I want to have kids Per se.
Click to expand...

My issue is all my female friends from middle and highschool are married and having kids and I want what they have. Envy, pretty much.
I'm not even actually "friends" with most of these people.

Of course, in real life, I have zero friends now haha.
 
HelloDizzy said:
My issue is all my female friends from middle and highschool are married and having kids and I want what they have. Envy, pretty much.
I'm not even actually "friends" with most of these people.

Of course, in real life, I have zero friends now haha.
Click to expand...

I don't envy the kids thing, but I do go on Facebook and get a bit of jealousy when girls I knew got married/seem to have settled down/have close friends.

Logically, I know I wouldn't want anything too normal, and I'm happier than I've ever been with where things are going now, but I suppose there will always be that sort of normalcy people have that I know I can't. Simple things like friendships and going out I have trouble with. Even when people like me, I have trouble connecting with others.

I'm not sure how to explain it...I would never wish anything bad on them, and I wouldn't want my life to be like theirs, really.I'm really not even close friends with most any of them, either. But it does remind me that I'm weird. And it does make me jealous of certain things that I can't have for reasons I can't fully understand...things that come naturally for others, I suppose.

It's not a rational way to think, but I feel like I'm missing a lot of basic "normal" human traits sometimes when I think of things like that.
 
Me too. Facebook really reminds me how weird I am. Everyone is going out, posting pictures with friends, getting married, doing whatever.
Meanwhile I'm locked up in this house, waiting for college to start and kick my @$$. Socially, anyway.
 
Heh, it kinda turned out as a FB thread someway, soooooo....

It's funny, because if I see what other people have in most cases I'm mostly like "Meh... that wouldn't work out for me either way". I don't want kids, pets, be married, have an expensive car and such. In a way I do know what stuff I don't want, perhaps I'm still looking for what I want, but I don't know... I don't think it's that much envy. However, I think that I do feel some envy creeping in if it's about people having such "basic" desires and be happy with it. Sometimes I feel I can't settle for anything "normal", the fact that it's something weird I like, doesn't upset me that much, but the fact that I actually have no desire to be "normal", is something that gets rubbed in my face sometimes and it kinda holds me back in being me and makes me think "what should I be doing at this point in my life?". That being said, I enjoy being me a lot, even if it has it's ups and downs.

Like I said earlier, I do feel that I'm in this weird bubble where my personal "world" doesn't add up with most other things people post. And in most cases I discard it as "irrelevant information" but it does make me wonder why it is that people like to comment on such things and comments easily go past 30, over something like "my son did X", it doesn't make me wonder what's wrong with me, it makes me wonder what's wrong with those people. Yet, there's a handful of people that I feel post funny stuff, or at least something I can crack a joke about. And to be honest, I think the majority of people who are "normal" wouldn't be to thrilled if I come raining on their parade with something I consider funny.

So yeah... I don't feel that social networks tell me "you're weird" just because I see what other people are up to. I think I might have a bigger problem in that most stuff I see going on with "normal" people doesn't thrill me in anyway... I'm fine with being the odd one and don't have a lot of what I could probably see as "normal" desires.
 
It was a simple question but it all comes to this now ... for better or for worse :)

 
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