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Why I find it hard to take advice

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I honestly find it hard to take advice from others and there are some reasons why:

1) I am very routine oriented and changes to my return can feel disruptive. It can even induce headaches and make me unnecessarily anxious to think about doing something new.

2) I worry that I am going to fail at the advice due to my own history of failing at what others suggested I do or messing up at things I’ve done on my own.

3) My mother has a tendency to get in progress’s way with all her home troubles and family drama.
 
I honestly find it hard to take advice from others and there are some reasons why:

1) I am very routine oriented and changes to my return can feel disruptive. It can even induce headaches and make me unnecessarily anxious to think about doing something new.

2) I worry that I am going to fail at the advice due to my own history of failing at what others suggested I do or messing up at things I’ve done on my own.

3) My mother has a tendency to get in progress’s way with all her home troubles and family drama.
I know of no tradition, rule, or law that requires anyone to accept or act on advice. However, all advice dhould be listened to and considered. If you determine the advice if useful and applicable then it is YOUR decision to act on it. You are the one being proactive. A person giving advice cannot act on it for you.
 
It's great you are self-aware of some reasons why you find it hard to take advice. I guess my reply to that would be though, "Then how will you take advice from a partner in a relationship? And how will you be able to make some changes there when compromise is needed and when she wants something that is not a part of your routine?"

So, my recommendations:

(1) Incorporate the advice into your own routine so the change does not seem so drastic, and do it in a smaller, step by step way.

(2) Think of the advice as your own or rephrase it in your own words to make it more your own, and think of failing as not failing but "Learning". In order to grow, we all need to sometimes make mistakes, face rejections and critiques and to attempt new things. That is what learning, gaining strength and growth is all about.

(3) For many of the advice given you need not hours of efforts daily targeted there, but minutes and you need not advertise your efforts to any naysayers in your life either. And anyways, when they are negative to you or stand in your way, see that as an opportunity to head off into another room to focus on attempting some of that other positive advice, or think of it as an opportunity to show your strength more there, and to either find some way to spin their negative message to something good, or to divert your mind away from that to something unrelated and more positive.

So, in general, yes, I agree those with rigid routines and with more rigid negative mindsets may think it is harder to take advice, for one or more of many different reasons, but most here seem to be just requesting for you to give a few to several minutes a day doing something more positive and for you to take things step by step and to be open minded that if you want things to get better, you should seriously consider others' opinions and prioritize there, and to take some risk by changing some routines up some, as otherwise time may be keep slipping by, distancing yourself from your stated goals.
 
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Your reasons given are very understandable, these are tough challenges you are up against. I know it's hard for you to move out when your mother controls your finances and I think she has them paid to her directly, and despite trying, you have not been able to change that? It sounds really difficult, it's a bit like Britney Spears situation, where her father controlled her and was legally allowed to do so. It seems to be a big problem in the US, for some people.

It's good you have seen these issues, but I agree with the point made that you have been learning, rather than failing. Also that you possibly could ask for clarification or details when you get any advice, like, what is the reason you advise I should do this? Then, if you agree with the reasons, you might see this as your own goal, rather than a goal advised by others.
 
Its ok not to take advice when you do take care of yourself and you become your own Advisor.

What I have never understand is why some people do ask for advice when they actually want to vent and are not willing to change. Not saying that is your case, I was thinking on some person of my own family.

I almost never ask for help. I guess for some people its just routine.
 
I see that stumbling block. You are looking at your failures and using that plus home issues to sabotage your hopes. Because that is a easier cop out. I do the same thing. But it sounds very similar to learned helplessness. So you have decided that you can't progress any further because of this wall of feeling helpless in your life, which some or all is definitely due to your mom's control of your situation. By not taking advice, you maybe sabotaging any success.

Maybe that's a lot of the problem. How do you want to go from here, by taking a step of some sort that will help you feel more in control? Maybe you can explore some thoughts that may help you feel better right now, but only you know what will help. Even if it's just one step at a time.

And l could be totally wrong, but l see you coming to the forum, and really trying to get a grip on what the issues are. Good job by the way.
 
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I honestly find it hard to take advice from others and there are some reasons why:

1) I am very routine oriented and changes to my return can feel disruptive. It can even induce headaches and make me unnecessarily anxious to think about doing something new.

2) I worry that I am going to fail at the advice due to my own history of failing at what others suggested I do or messing up at things I’ve done on my own.

3) My mother has a tendency to get in progress’s way with all her home troubles and family drama.
Try limiting advice in advance by telling them your criteria for what you can and cannot follow. And have you considered that your mother's drama is really a way to keep you confined?

There are lots of reasons why one wouldn't follow advice. Doubly so if the advice was unsolicited.

I get advice when I don't consider what I'm doing to be a problem. It gets analyzed and filed away but I don't usually follow it. And there is always advice from people who I don't consider subject matter experts. Filed away for future reference but I won't often follow it. And advice from people who may have an agenda. That's filed away with a red flag. The nature of the advice is a clue as to what their agenda might be. "Advice" can also be a veiled threat. Obviously, that should put one on high alert. Advice can also be alerting you to danger and those you don't want to tune out.

Unsolicited advice is usually problematic. But I always file it away instead of discarding it because there is often a useful nugget of information.

If I'm looking for advice, I'll pick someone I consider to know what they are talking about and who roughly shares my personal values. That makes it likely that I'll take it seriously. I'll talk it over with the giver and I'll decide whether to follow it or not.

The most common reason for not following solicited advice is that I just don't feel like it.
 
Sounds like it's time to start doing difficult things!
AGREE! In all kindness, put on your big boy pants. If you are still complaining in 2024, I will find you, find out where the decent, accepting chicks are, and I'll have my bourbon and you your shirly temple or whatever you want (I recommend an irish coffee, the perfect blend of caffein alert and whiskey mellow.)and I will be your wingman. But?!?!?!?!?!?!?! A 74 year old guy as a wingman? Hell, I'd play the age game - "Hello ladies, I'm Gerald, and harmless, I could use your help, my son there (you wave) needs practice in talking with women. Would you help? And btw how much is your bar tab, or do you want me to start one? He likes (play up your likes), so waddaya say?"
 
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