Effy
self-advocating autistic
I'm putting this here, even though it could technically easily stretch across the relationships and parents categories.
Second note: This is raw/unedited, thus I may have rambled too much/missed a point sometimes and/or not been as clear as intended/desired. I apologize in advance for that.
Second note: This is raw/unedited, thus I may have rambled too much/missed a point sometimes and/or not been as clear as intended/desired. I apologize in advance for that.
A family member recently found out I'm an Aspie, and immediately I was trashed and rumors began spreading -- very much the same way rumors start spreading once someone becomes America's Most Wanted whether they're true or not, just because people are so shocked and using any and every little thing for this to assume things. Things were said that were not and never would be true, e.g. "[Cousin's name] posted on Facebook that she was accepted into [college name], next thing [my first name (I DON'T go by it anymore, they refuse to acknowledge it)] posts on Facebook that she is taking classes from [college name]." The number one problem? I'm not going to college/don't plan to go -- not because I'm an Aspie, but because I view it as pointless, considering I can easily find various classes elsewhere and know how to develop/create things enough without a college degree -- I'd also work toward a degree in dance if I went to college/university at all.
I don't understand why this happened, because I really do keep to myself. You know all that stuff the media works up about autism when they're using it as a scapegoat? That's what happened to me personally. I was always able to just ignore it when the media was so negative about it, but considering it happened to me from a family member, it was more personal and insulting and tragic and just so difficult to process and understand and handle.
Now, it's somewhat resolved, though the way the aforementioned family member tried to comfort me would have worked for that of a fellow NT, as it was actually more insulting to me as an Aspie, especially considering I'm pretty sure my dad is also an Aspie, as well as my youngest brother/his son, and not my mother, something people on this side seem to think... They think I got "all this stuff" from my mother, who has Bipolar Disorder and an abusive husband whom I cannot (and have tried to) break her away from. (I also contacted CPS regarding him, though they did nothing, but I am working on figuring out how I can become independent without having too much stress so I can finish raising them myself if necessary/offer a safe place for them to stay in the event that they decide/wish/want/need/etc. to move out.)
But all of this is beside the point, and I don't want feedback on the abuse and whatnot, because it's a trigger, and I'm tired of the toxicity that accompanies discussions revolving around it (e.g. people worrying and saying I need to do more, though I've literally done everything and am past the age of statutes).
Moving on, I frequent many blogs by parents regarding their autistic children. They are disappointed their child(ren) have autism and constantly wish they had "normal" children instead. I'm just one autistic in a world of many, but when I read that, it hurts. I break for those children whose parents find them less than because they're autistic. I break because those parents search for answers, sometimes wishing shock treatment would work, or that they could "spank the autism out". Why is the stigma regarding autism so awful that parents feel this way? Why are autistics sometimes regarded as "the Devil's children"?
Most of all, what is truly wrong with an autistic child? What makes us so unlovable that parents wish they hadn't had us -- that parents feel insulted and like a failure when they learn their children is autistic, that spouses divorce over this, that spouses fight over whose fault it is? Why does there have to be a reason?
Furthermore, I'm one of the Aspies who wants to marry an NT. I want to, because I feel like they would be able to help me be a parent. I don't want to have sex or kiss, and maybe that will change (thus I'm interested in someone who's a grey ace/asexual/demisexual and might want to get physically intimate, but could also live without it), mostly because I don't want to personally birth a child, as none of that sounds attractive for me personally at all. I'm not interested in going through pregnancy/labor/etc., but I want to adopt. I want to have children through adoption. I'm very passionate about that. Yet, there is a community of NTs out there who are very against NTs and Aspies mating, because we're this horrendous race of people that needs to be put down.
And I just want to know why. I'm a PROUD Aspie, and this is apparently extremely "wrong" according to NTs, and I guess that that is the problem: I'm so accepting and proud of my Aspieness that I don't understand what's wrong with being an Aspie/having an Aspie child.
Last edited:
I can toss you a blog link to a mom I adore whose husband and daughter are perfectly fine with her being autistic.
. I do understand where you are coming from but am not sure a marriage would work with such a low level of affection. My ex and her family were pushing on the ring, but at the same time she was talking like she wanted to cancel the honeymoon and talking down relations after the wedding. She had some issues from the past and I tried to work with her on it, I suggested we go to counseling before moving any farther on marriage stuff. 
Am done with that mess.
Perhaps in these situations the kind of affection may make a difference too, some people are more tender and thoughtful than others. I get the kissing thing Effy tho, my ex-girlfriend would try to suck my face off like one of Sigourny Weavers little alien friends, Uug! Personally I prefer things to move a little softer and slower, on the hands + kissing thing, a soft caress of the waist, shoulder, back, or neck is nice, depends on where relations are. You can guess on the rest...I do think some kind of warmth is required to hold a marriage together...but perhaps there are different paths to happiness so long as, (both), parties are happy.
