Why won’t you listen to me?

[Greatshield17]

I know how this sounds and the like, but I really hope people actually listen and talk to me about this;

I made a thread on here in which I asked a simply asked a question and people thought I was crying and whining about my life and was too lazy and the like to get a job. I finally told off someone that I was having issues with for awhile now and people think I can’t take criticism and am too fragile for it and the like; never mind the fact that I’ve been taking criticism from a friend of mine since like Easter and have actually put my novel on hold thanks to her advice, because frankly her’s is actually helpful!

This kind of behaviour is to be expected from people in general and I’m pretty much used to it by now, but why am I treated like that here? This used to be my favourite site, because here people actually listened to me and made an effort to understand what I was saying, why has that changed? Why are people no longer listening to me, and assuming things like this?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I cannot recall the post you reference. I know how my reactive child acts when I do not think I have been heard and it makes me ashamed sometimes. There are some I am on the verge of not listening to either because they are in a cycle of learned helplessness or have drunk the incel kool-aid. They do not listen anyway.

 

[Loren]

Hi Greatshield. Nice to see you. And, I'm sorry you've had this experience. From my vantage point, you are someone who has been a valuable contributor, very supportive of others, and you clearly do good deeds around the forum, and, certainly, not deserving of what you've explained had occurred.

I understand how it can feel, not to be heard, or, people leaving a conversation with the wrong impression, or having been misinterpreted.

As Gerald also mentioned, I'm not aware of the thread/conversation you're speaking of, but, will simply say, we are here and listening, now (although, I'm heading back to work, momentarily, myself). Hope to see more of you, here.

(-:

 

[Greatshield17]

Hi Greatshield. Nice to see you. And, I'm sorry you've had this experience. From my vantage point, you are someone who has been a valuable contributor, very supportive of others, and you clearly do good deeds around the forum, so, you are certainly not deserving of what you've explained has occurred.

I understand how it can feel, not to be heard, or, people leaving a conversation, with the wrong impression, or having been misinterpreted.

As Gerald also mentioned, I'm not aware of the thread/conversation you're speaking of, but, will simply say, we are here and listening, now (although, I'm heading back to work, momentarily, myself). Hope to see more of you, here.

(-:

Thank you, I do appreciate this, and I have been improving myself while I was away; I will try to be an even better contributor by August.

 

[Thinx]

I am sorry you have experienced unhelpful criticism, but I also would say from my experience you do seem a bit unaware at times, and naive? Sorry if that's difficult to hear. I felt quite concerned when you said you may go to your families former land and farm it, as you said other family members were still there, and farming it already.

Sounded like you thought that would be straightforward, you with no farming experience would go and live on their land you suggested was your father's formerly, and farm it. It seemed like an idea that could be dangerous to try, aswell as fairly surprising that you didn't see how that may not work out well. Not sure if you speak the language of that country either? I think it could be that you are not seeing some of what others see about you. Pretty typical for us, with our different wiring. But I hope you won't put yourself at risk.

 

[Greatshield17]

I felt quite concerned when you said you may go to your families former land and farm it, as you said other family members were still there, and farming it already.

Sounded like you thought that would be straightforward, you with no farming experience would go and live on their land you suggested was your father's formerly, and farm it. It seemed like an idea that could be dangerous to try, aswell as fairly surprising that you didn't see how that may not work out well.

I wasn’t referring to any of that stuff, I’m referring to other stuff instead, and no one has ever criticized me for this; some have even praised me for it, including the person referred to here:

I finally told off someone that I was having issues with for awhile now and people think I can’t take criticism and am too fragile for it and the like;

 

[Thinx]

I see. To me your response sounds dismissive of my concerns. I guess you don't see that. It's the kind of response that may make someone feel you are not interested in responses to you that do not agree with how you see things. It will discourage me from responding to your threads. I hope that feedback is useful.

 

[Greatshield17]

I see. To me your response sounds dismissive of my concerns. I guess you don't see that. It's the kind of response that may make someone feel you are not interested in responses to you that do not agree with how you see things. It will discourage me from responding to your threads. I hope that feedback is useful.

Your response sounded like you misunderstood my thread and weren't listening to me; that it had to do with something completely unrelated to the issues I'm dealing with.

On top of that, I do remember a post you made in the past and in it, you sounded like you didn't have any idea about how I actually planned to move to Chile and how this whole thing was going to play-out; and frankly some of what you said above also sounds like you still don't know how this is going to work and play-out, but I didn't touch on it because, again, your response sounded like you weren't understanding what I was saying in this thread.

 

[Greatshield17]

I see. To me your response sounds dismissive of my concerns. I guess you don't see that. It's the kind of response that may make someone feel you are not interested in responses to you that do not agree with how you see things. It will discourage me from responding to your threads. I hope that feedback is useful.

If you want to talk about Chile, we can talk about it.

 

[VictorR]

I'm also listening, but similar to the other commenters, I also don't think I'm familiar with the post/topic which you're referring to. Sorry.

I regards to conflict, I find one of the easier ways to avoid conflict is to avoid getting into controversial topics. Unfortunately getting into politics and religion can be very quick ways to create division and break up relationships of all sorts.

 

[Slime_Punk]

If you told somebody off when they were trying to help you, I understand the criticism. If anyone is willing to stop by and weigh in, that's a lot better than getting ignored entirely IMO. I also have no idea what this thread is referring to specifically, maybe a link or something would be helpful for those (seemingly a lot of us) who are lost.

 

[Aspychata]

Think sometimes we don't get the gist of what someone is posting. We may have our own bias, and not see what you present. I don't believe it's intentional. I just think we don't read carefully.

 

[Misery]

Er…. Just a suggestion, but it might be wise with a topic like this to actually show / link to the sort of problematic topic/posts/responses that you’re speaking of.

As it is, most reading this right now wont have a clue as to just what/where the problem is. Which makes it more than a little hard to help, or even answer questions related to it.

I’d love to help but I’ve not the foggiest bloody clue as to what you’re referring to.

 

[Luca]

This is the reason I don’t talk openly about my personal life on here. I think I might get told that I was being whiny or lazy or I did something to deserve these things.
Some things, yes, probably are my fault. But some things are not, and at times I’ve dealt with a lot of victim blaming.

But I’m sorry that was your experience. I’m here to listen if you want to post about anything that is upsetting you.
I’m not the type of person who immediately assumes people are whining or don’t have a legitimate reason to complain. Sometimes venting is completely appropriate.

 

[Greatshield17]

If you told somebody off when they were trying to help you, I understand the criticism. If anyone is willing to stop by and weigh in, that's a lot better than getting ignored entirely IMO. I also have no idea what this thread is referring to specifically, maybe a link or something would be helpful for those (seemingly a lot of us) who are lost.

Er…. Just a suggestion, but it might be wise with a topic like this to actually show / link to the sort of problematic topic/posts/responses that you’re speaking of.

As it is, most reading this right now wont have a clue as to just what/where the problem is. Which makes it more than a little hard to help, or even answer questions related to it.

I’d love to help but I’ve not the foggiest bloody clue as to what you’re referring to.

Sorry, I don’t think I can, one of the threads might be deleted and the other one, both I and others might have issues if it’s brought up again.

 

[Aspychata]

Communication isn't always our greatest asset, sometimes we really can't explain things in a way that other people understand. I do have this ongoing issue with my own mother. She never seems to get what l say. It's very frustrating but it's not exactly her fault.

 

[Greatshield17]

@Thinx?

 

[Greatshield17]

Okay, I’m back to my July break, thank you everyone for your advice.

I received an email from that person I’ve mentioned above providing more critique for another novel I’ve been working on, I’ll be discussing it more tomorrow, it’s been quite helpful. I also found a forum site on which to discuss and exchange literary ideas and writing advice, so I’m hoping to get a lot of help from there.

Thanks again everyone I really appreciate your help with this issue, I’ll try to do better. I’ll be back in August.