jtab7800
Member
I haven't been on here since around June, but it feels longer than that. And things have gotten a lot worse. My mother underwent a CT scan to see if she actually does have COPD in her lungs, and that's not as bad as she feared, but the CT scan showed an aortic aneurysm, and she waited a month to let my brother and I know about it, claiming that she wanted to get more information before telling us.
My birthday was a little over a month ago, and so far, the newest year of my life is shaping up to be the worst -- but nothing has ever really gone right in my life anyway. Mom's cardiologist says that there are a number of procedures or operations that can address this problem, and he's going to have more tests done on her. The aneurysm is at 4.7 centimeters. If it reaches 5 centimeters, they do surgery.
If my brother and I lost our mother, we would be royally screwed in so many ways. I'd have to take care of my brother, who is in a wheelchair because of a birth defect called spina bifida, but I don't consider that being screwed, and I don't mind doing that, because we've always been close. But losing Mom would mean that I would be a lot closer to the extreme suffering of being alone in the world, not to mention the financial problems that losing Mom would cause, and my brother and I would miss her so much, no matter how many arguments there have been in the past.
My phobia of being alone is one of the reasons why it's so important to me that I find someone that I can love for the rest of my life, but I feel like no woman on this Earth seems to want to give me a chance. Is it because they think I'm ugly? Is it because people with autism gross them out? Why should I be denied knowing what love feels like?
Time is becoming of the essence, with Mom now facing a medical problem of this magnitude, and me having to undergo tests for gastrointestinal problems that I think can be solved. Some people might think that this is rare for someone on the autism spectrum, but I don't mind meeting new people. I wasn't diagnosed until I was almost 28, so I was raised like I wasn't on the spectrum.
But I did face constant bullying during my childhood, and I never got the chance to go to a regular high school -- my teenage years were taken away from me and ruined when a school official in New Jersey put me in an alternative school simply because he didn't understand anything about me, and that was before I was diagnosed. Anyone here ever have any kind of school official screw them so badly?
Most of the students at that school were extremely mean, and I was bullied worse than ever before. I had to pretty much fight my way through that place. That school even had a smoke break, for students who smoked. They had only one way of punishing students who bullied me, but it was so minimal that it had no effect -- it was called "stay back," in which they would keep a student in the class room during smoke break.
Somehow, I got lucky enough to make two friends who helped me get through that place, and neither one of them should've ever been placed in that school either. One of them is one of my Facebook friends, and I don't know where the other one is at these days.
I know that I mentioned New Jersey, but I've actually lived in four states in my life -- I'm originally from Kentucky, but I've also lived in Texas, New Jersey, and now Florida. My Mom, brother, and I moved to Florida in 2021, and I've had such a hard time making any friends here, let alone meeting any women. Like I said before, I don't mind meeting new people. I'm not mean to people, and I don't want them to be mean to me.
I just don't think that I'll ever get the chance to build up something with a woman. I'm afraid to make the first move, because I feel like it's almost a guarantee that I'll get turned down, and I feel like no woman could ever become interested in me.
I've been through enough. So many friends and relatives have lost their lives, leaving my heart in pieces. I've been through physical pain too many times, the worst of which was an eye injury from when I was 4-years-old, which almost cost me my right eye. While I was a child, my family and I lived in a trailer that burned down, and I watched it burn. For a time, it left me with a recurring nightmare of a fire starting.
It's like nothing but bad things keep piling up, without any break whatsoever, and that can take a toll. It's the kind of thing that makes me wonder if such a life of misery is worth living, and if I'll ever get a break for the first time in my life and good things will happen for a change. And I'm scared that, with the administration that's coming in next month, things could get a lot worse for people who have any kind of disability.
I appreciate this website letting me get some things off my chest sometimes. I just don't know if good things will ever happen.
My birthday was a little over a month ago, and so far, the newest year of my life is shaping up to be the worst -- but nothing has ever really gone right in my life anyway. Mom's cardiologist says that there are a number of procedures or operations that can address this problem, and he's going to have more tests done on her. The aneurysm is at 4.7 centimeters. If it reaches 5 centimeters, they do surgery.
If my brother and I lost our mother, we would be royally screwed in so many ways. I'd have to take care of my brother, who is in a wheelchair because of a birth defect called spina bifida, but I don't consider that being screwed, and I don't mind doing that, because we've always been close. But losing Mom would mean that I would be a lot closer to the extreme suffering of being alone in the world, not to mention the financial problems that losing Mom would cause, and my brother and I would miss her so much, no matter how many arguments there have been in the past.
My phobia of being alone is one of the reasons why it's so important to me that I find someone that I can love for the rest of my life, but I feel like no woman on this Earth seems to want to give me a chance. Is it because they think I'm ugly? Is it because people with autism gross them out? Why should I be denied knowing what love feels like?
Time is becoming of the essence, with Mom now facing a medical problem of this magnitude, and me having to undergo tests for gastrointestinal problems that I think can be solved. Some people might think that this is rare for someone on the autism spectrum, but I don't mind meeting new people. I wasn't diagnosed until I was almost 28, so I was raised like I wasn't on the spectrum.
But I did face constant bullying during my childhood, and I never got the chance to go to a regular high school -- my teenage years were taken away from me and ruined when a school official in New Jersey put me in an alternative school simply because he didn't understand anything about me, and that was before I was diagnosed. Anyone here ever have any kind of school official screw them so badly?
Most of the students at that school were extremely mean, and I was bullied worse than ever before. I had to pretty much fight my way through that place. That school even had a smoke break, for students who smoked. They had only one way of punishing students who bullied me, but it was so minimal that it had no effect -- it was called "stay back," in which they would keep a student in the class room during smoke break.
Somehow, I got lucky enough to make two friends who helped me get through that place, and neither one of them should've ever been placed in that school either. One of them is one of my Facebook friends, and I don't know where the other one is at these days.
I know that I mentioned New Jersey, but I've actually lived in four states in my life -- I'm originally from Kentucky, but I've also lived in Texas, New Jersey, and now Florida. My Mom, brother, and I moved to Florida in 2021, and I've had such a hard time making any friends here, let alone meeting any women. Like I said before, I don't mind meeting new people. I'm not mean to people, and I don't want them to be mean to me.
I just don't think that I'll ever get the chance to build up something with a woman. I'm afraid to make the first move, because I feel like it's almost a guarantee that I'll get turned down, and I feel like no woman could ever become interested in me.
I've been through enough. So many friends and relatives have lost their lives, leaving my heart in pieces. I've been through physical pain too many times, the worst of which was an eye injury from when I was 4-years-old, which almost cost me my right eye. While I was a child, my family and I lived in a trailer that burned down, and I watched it burn. For a time, it left me with a recurring nightmare of a fire starting.
It's like nothing but bad things keep piling up, without any break whatsoever, and that can take a toll. It's the kind of thing that makes me wonder if such a life of misery is worth living, and if I'll ever get a break for the first time in my life and good things will happen for a change. And I'm scared that, with the administration that's coming in next month, things could get a lot worse for people who have any kind of disability.
I appreciate this website letting me get some things off my chest sometimes. I just don't know if good things will ever happen.
