My struggles with reading sheet music and my mother scolding me because I couldn’t play a piece right on the piano put an end to that belief.
I used to play a few instruments: violin, piano and drums. The violin was my first musical instrument and whilst I wasn’t great at it because that takes years, I was good enough to be first violin in any musical performances that my school did — so I dont think I was that bad. My mom would constantly put me down for how “bad” I was. Eventually I stopped practising and stopped playing entirely. I think also sheet music is hard. Some people can quickly get it but it is still hard, especially if you’re self taught. My mom sounds a lot like your mom, and so I wonder if the reason why you lack confidence in this is because of your mom.
I wonder if your interests remind you of a happier time. Maybe you feel like you have lost the passionate spark if you are having a tough time right now? Maybe you feel nostalgic (the good kind, not the "rose tinted glasses" kind) for a time when you felt better?
Probably. Most of my interests even those not listed in my original post brought happiness to me. I dont think i really phased out of those interests but more about lack of confidence and worried about what people think. I gained a lot of freedom and happiness with most of my interests and special interests. And I am having a difficult time right now and every time I believe that I am no longer depressed or getting better, then something else comes to add to it. I dont feel happy within myself and I guess loss of what often kept me happy during those good times, yeah nostalgic is probably the right way to call it. It’s not like I dont do things now, but I’d like to just go back to doing what i used to do. I tell myself that I dont have time (which is not true) and I really need to stop that And just start doing things.
On the bright side, your interests that you mentioned are things you can always get back into at some stage in future, lightly, heavily or somewhere in between. They can't easily be physically taken from you by fear, ignorance, or other changes like some of mine have.
I hope you can rekindle your own sparks!
I hope that you can also rekindle your sparks-=)
I think this has more to do with depression, especially as a result of blending in too much to NT society. I'm trying to reclaim some of that now.
Yes, I think that is also a factor too. I keep thinking that I am not depressed because I may have a good week or a few months that aren’t bad but its possible that over the years, its not a lack of wanting to continue but i lack the willpower. It was the same with making costumes, and I picked that up again. With my special interests, I learned very early on that talking about the few things that really make me..me, was not something that was often welcomed. I would be told that I was boring and would be told that no one was interested. Going back to the nostalgic feelings like
@Angular Chap said, i think those times were really happy for me the most whilst at University. I had friends, I had people who liked the same things as me, I was independent, I did new things and whilst it was difficult, I was not as down as I was. I was gaining confidence. I really need to reclaim this. It’s really not too late but I just have to just do it.
because I am learning that doing and learning interesting things is a hugely helpful coping strategy for when times get tough.
Yes, and I really need to find myself back to doing things that I used to do just to have a wide variety of things to cope for strategies when I may not be able to do iit. If I am in a highly stressful environment like a few days ago, I do this freeze And then well, go to the bathroom and hurt myself to calm down. I cant always go to the workshop, or go walking to let off steam. It is not always my go to thoughts. I used to write, I used to read and escape, I used to draw maps and make my own fantasy worlds, I used to make random excel spreadsheets of things, I used to research a to on a specific history interest although i haven’t really lost that but I guess I’ve gotten lazy over time and anything that does interest me, Its not always a “MUSt DO ThIS NOW”, its a “Ill do this later and later never comes. I wasn’t the best and drawing, but just sitting around and drawing something would be theraputetic for me. Piano, violin and bashing drums…Archery…tennis, and trying new things like badminton, baking, book club…yeah…Its not really an age thing. Or aging out. I used to collect dragon models, you know the kid toys that they have? Like this:
https://www.galaxus.ch/en/s5/produc...VStiyCh3w3g68EAQYAiABEgJvNvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
With writing (fan fiction actually), I wasn’t bad at it and I just lost the spark. I even have old files still on my device. =/
