Women vs men ( invite to a meal and washing up afterwards)

[Suzanne]

Nightmare after nightmare, when there seems a constant flow of invitations to get together ( as a group).

So, yesterday, my hubs and I were invited to a spiritual sister's home for a meal and at first, I was ok, because we get on, but as the day loomed, I started to panic and imagining all sorts and just about could not go! Then hubs told me that the other couple who are invited are thrilled that I am invited and so, that eased my paranoia and thus, I went.

Lovely meal and lovely upbuilding company. Although there were 7 of us; I was 75% ok since they did not ignore me and I did not feel lonely.

Then, it came to the washing up and three sisters went to the kitchen to help clean and 3 brothers, plus me, sat at the table. I was not aware at first, of the situation, until my husband pointed out that as usual, his wife was with the guys!

I then became aware of the situation, but did not get up and start helping. You see, I cook and clean EVERY DAY and think that it should be the guys who ought to do the washing up. However, when I mentioned this to my husband ( back home), he said it was a selfish thought, because the three sisters also cook and clean every day! I say: I do not see it as selfish. It is me thinking out of the box. Or, better still, we ALL help the sister tidy up her home.

I do not like it when females and men separate themselves.

 

[Thinx]

Super well done for your courage in attending the meal! I agree with your points in so far as they relate to gender expectations, but I probably would have gone to the kitchen to both try to bond more with the people and also to not seem different and get commented on. Later, if I felt strongly about it, which in fact I don't because I like to retreat to the kitchen and have something to do, when I got more used to everyone and they've bonded with me a bit, then I might invite them to my house, and lay out at the start that I hope that anyone who doesn't usually cook and serve the meals will do the washing up. That would also involve me doing it though, as I don't do much cooking.

 

[Forest Cat]

It doesn't sound right but that could be because of cultural differences. If I invited people to my home for dinner, I would not expect or want them to clean up. They would offer to help and then I would say "No, sit down and relax, you're guests, I'll handle it". But if people did help clean up and the women helped and the men didn't do anything and just relaxed, the men would have to sleep alone outside in the doghouse that night when they came home. So men usually help with things. It's cold and nasty to sleep outside.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

In our house we alternate cleaning and cooking and when we have people over we do not expect them to clean up. However when the gestalt is to help out, everybody pitches in. I do like cookouts in the summer and friends appreciate my cooking so the work is enjoyable for me

 

[Tom]

I think you are right. That tradition is a left over of a patriarchial culture with women in a subserviant role. It might be ok for the couple that gave the dinner to desire to do the cleanup (that is the man and woman in there doing dishes) but that also depends on who did the most prep work, cooking etc. And the guests should offer to help with the clean up. In other words work divided by 7 people, not by men and women. That said different cultures are in different places as far as woman's equality goes. Nevertheless, no matter where I am I would still make the offer to help.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

In my family, the women do the dishes. It'd be incredibly nice to have a man help wash up, but I understand if they don't. Plus I feel guilty if I sit while a man washes. But at the same thing, it's a nice fantasy to imagine putting my feet up during something like that It's not really a patriarchal thing at all. Just a way the labor has been divided.

 

[Aspychata]

I grew up where woman did the cooking and cleaning. So l am okay with that because l love cooking especially if my guy friend likes it.