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Wonder if I am the only one to have this issue?

Suzanne

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
So, I am in a shop with my husband, and he says: hey, to reduce the time, do you want to pop into that shop and I will join you? I tried as casually as I could to say: oh no, it is fine, I will wait here, but alas and LOL he knows me so well, that he gives me that "I know why you want to stay here" and oh, Suzanne, what are we going to do with you? Those phobias have to be dealt with! I just shrug and turn away. HOWEVER what freaked me out was not the actual being in the shop, but GETTING THROUGH THE DOOR of the shop I was in. Yes, I have this awful fear of not opening the door in the right way. I have no idea why this particularly panics me but it does, and stops me from so doing so many things, to help my hubby out.

Oh the shame of it all!
 
Suzanne said:
So, I am in a shop with my husband, and he says: hey, to reduce the time, do you want to pop into that shop and I will join you? I tried as casually as I could to say: oh no, it is fine, I will wait here, but alas and LOL he knows me so well, that he gives me that "I know why you want to stay here" and oh, Suzanne, what are we going to do with you? Those phobias have to be dealt with! I just shrug and turn away. HOWEVER what freaked me out was not the actual being in the shop, but GETTING THROUGH THE DOOR of the shop I was in. Yes, I have this awful fear of not opening the door in the right way. I have no idea why this particularly panics me but it does, and stops me from so doing so many things, to help my hubby out.

Oh the shame of it all!
Click to expand...

If he knows it bothers you, why is he putting you in the uncomfortable position to do it by yourself? I just don't get the logic with that. Maybe you just need to have someone do certain doors with you for awhile until you get comfortable and can do it on your own. There is a reason why you are afraid of something like that and he shouldn't make fun of you.

I have a panic with those doors that keep going around in a circle - I keep thinking that it's going to knock me over if I'm not fast enough. :confused:
 
Grumpy Cat said:
If he knows it bothers you, why is he putting you in the uncomfortable position to do it by yourself? I just don't get the logic with that. Maybe you just need to have someone do certain doors with you for awhile until you get comfortable and can do it on your own. There is a reason why you are afraid of something like that and he shouldn't make fun of you.

I have a panic with those doors that keep going around in a circle - I keep thinking that it's going to knock me over if I'm not fast enough. :confused:
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I admit I do ask myself the same question, because he knows I struggle so much, but he says he is always trying to be optimistic and I guess, because he does not know the exact reason why I panic, he is maybe hoping that one day, I will be ok, for to be fair on him, there have been times, I have amazed myself, with feeling bursts of confidence and so, he thinks if he doesn't ask, perhaps the opportunity is missed. But yes, it does rather make me feel even more the fool, because I would LIKE to say: good idea, see's ya later, or something, but instead nope, I do the opposite.

I am planing on going to see a psychologist in the new year and perhaps she will be able to help, because it is true, if I know how the door opens, I feel less panicky; i just freak when I have trouble opening and feel tons of eyes on me and just die (obviously not literally) of shame!!!

Thank you soooo much for not laughing at me :)
 
Suzanne, I do know how it feels to be pushed into doing something like this by a spouse :) My husband tries to encourage me to go into stores and it's just been the story of my life that I HATE going inside stores, always have and always will. When I was a child my mother was so frustrated by it and urged me, even made me do it... she thought it was confidence and self-esteem issues. I was always confused, as it didn't make sense to me when I got older that it was self-esteem issues, as I was able to manage getting through college just fine, job interviews, etc. But I have NEVER been able to "get over" the stores and the overstimulation, the sheer number of choices alone would be enough to send me reeling every single time. I am the type who MUST carry a list and stick to the list exactly. And it really bothers me to have to get something not on that list, as that's when I seem to go into a panic.

I would just keep reminding him you do not feel "ok" in the stores, and that if you must go in, it'd be nice to have him with you. I can manage much better if my husband is by my side... which frustrates him to no end, because he needs me to go without him in order to help out. And that is also understandable. There are days when I feel up to the challenge and days when I just don't. I'd say it's 1 out of 10 where I actually feel ok with the challenge.

That door that revolves that you must stand inside... omg, yeah, pretty much panic.

Also, I've been volunteering at a women's shelter for over a year and a half now (for different reasons, but mostly to increase my self-confidence, help others, as well as try to develop social skills), and I STILL can not open that front door correctly!! It is backwards. So anti-intuitive, and each time I think it's locked... but no! It's just that it turns in the opposite direction I am used to and open outward instead of inward. So embarrassing because they are probably wondering why I can't seem to "get it" by now!
 
You know, I would not make a good Aspie. If I had a "hunny" and he made fun of me about anything (the way I act or the way I think or a fear that I have) he better start protecting certain body parts. That's just disrespectful. And if I was married and just found out I was Aspie, my "hunny" better want to learn why I'm the way I am or I would make his life miserable. If he isn't interested in finding out how I tick then why should I want to remain in that relationship? It's like finding out if your spouse is diabetic. Things have to change and people have to adapt because the diabetic won't be able to eat the same meals they did before and if the family wants to be supportive then their diet will be changing too. Aspieness isn't life threatening, it's a different way of life is all. It shouldn't be expected that you can change an Aspie to be a certain way just like you can't change a diabetic to be like everyone else.
 
I do agree, Grumpy Cat. However, we've just found out I'm probably Aspergers, so he is still trying to wrap his around it all. It's very frustrating and depressing.

It's also much easier said than done to say... well, he better get with it or I'm outta here... um, we're married :)
 
I do have a problem going into stores, but for different reasons. I don't like walking in and then the assistants or shop owner look at you, and then want to come and assist you or otherwise engage with you. I don't want to be assissted, I just want to browse in peace. I'm not sure if this as AS or social anxiety issue. I don't like the doors in banks, though, they have 2 big heavy doors with a gap inside where you have to wait for them open the next door, and I feel trapped.
 
I understand what you are saying. However, I would give them a certain amount of time and if they weren't even willing to learn more about AS then I don't see the point for the Aspie person to be miserable. Aspieness is totally different from NTness and its going to take some work from both people for good communication to happen. I also expect for Aspies to learn as much as they can about NTness too.
 
Suzanne said:
So, I am in a shop with my husband, and he says: hey, to reduce the time, do you want to pop into that shop and I will join you? I tried as casually as I could to say: oh no, it is fine, I will wait here, but alas and LOL he knows me so well, that he gives me that "I know why you want to stay here" and oh, Suzanne, what are we going to do with you? Those phobias have to be dealt with! I just shrug and turn away. HOWEVER what freaked me out was not the actual being in the shop, but GETTING THROUGH THE DOOR of the shop I was in. Yes, I have this awful fear of not opening the door in the right way. I have no idea why this particularly panics me but it does, and stops me from so doing so many things, to help my hubby out.

Oh the shame of it all!
Click to expand...
The door issue is a easy one to deal with, when I'm with my wife I always open the door for her. Problem solved.
 
Grumpy Cat said:
I understand what you are saying. However, I would give them a certain amount of time and if they weren't even willing to learn more about AS then I don't see the point for the Aspie person to be miserable. Aspieness is totally different from NTness and its going to take some work from both people for good communication to happen. I also expect for Aspies to learn as much as they can about NTness too.
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You are 100% right. I am a Aspie and my wife is NT. You have to communicate and care about each other. If you know and care, the rest is easy.
 
Suzanne said:
I admit I do ask myself the same question, because he knows I struggle so much, but he says he is always trying to be optimistic and I guess, because he does not know the exact reason why I panic, he is maybe hoping that one day, I will be ok, for to be fair on him, there have been times, I have amazed myself, with feeling bursts of confidence and so, he thinks if he doesn't ask, perhaps the opportunity is missed.
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If he knows you're struggling, why doesn't he help you?

I'd say you need to set your husband straight and explain to him that neurological issues like ASD or OCD are not traits and behaviors which can be overcome simply by mentally "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps". That you aren't in need of an attitude adjustment, but rather understanding and compassion. He's waiting for you to come around, when the reality is that it's HE who needs to come around and understand this dynamic.

This makes me wonder if some NTs interpret being too accommodating with our traits and behaviors as constituting some taboo form of enabling. It doesn't, IMO. However I'm certain my cousin believes otherwise. As if this is something a motivational speaker has the answer to. OMG...:rolleyes:
 
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Tell the hubby that times have changed and men don't always have to lag behind holding doors or politely allowing women to lead the way into establishments, so he must lead the way into shops! It'll save you the hassle of figuring out which way to go in. ;)

The doors I don't like are the ones that only open in one direction, but either side has the same narrow bar for a handle and no Push/Pull label. The only way you find out is by running smack dab into the thing. I've never encountered a revolving door as far as I know. I'd like to someday, it'd be an interesting thing to check out.
 
AsheSkyler said:
The doors I don't like are the ones that only open in one direction, but either side has the same narrow bar for a handle and no Push/Pull label. The only way you find out is by running smack dab into the thing. I've never encountered a revolving door as far as I know. I'd like to someday, it'd be an interesting thing to check out.
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It's not interesting! There's this one door down on The Plaza in a really expensive store (I believe Saks), anyway, it goes fast! You'll be waiting for the open space to come around and hope you can get in there and walk out the other side. And it is really bad if others are around you coming out or moving around you to go in. It stresses me just thinking about it.

Another thing that bothers me are escalators. I can remember when I was younger (like 4-5) I fell towards the bottom of this escalator and my winter coat started to get sucked down into that escalator and my Pa was behind me and had to actually kick me off of that thing! I don't want to know what would have happened if he hadn't have done that.
 
When I was working in an office, we had one of those revolving doors.. you had to swipe an access card to get through. Caused pretty much mild panic every time I had to go through it.. especially if there were any other coworkers around who might see me. All that coordinating the timing of my feet with that door and then having to walk at the same speed that door revolved...plus, if you touched the glass, the door would stop and security would have to push a button to get it going again (ask me how I know that). I don't miss that stupid door at all.

When I was younger, I had a huge problem with automatic sliding doors. the kind grocery stores have. I could totally relate to that part in Temple Grandin when she went to the store across the street because she didn't want to use the automatic door.

I also have a problem with escalators.. I've never had an accident on one, but they make me a little sick to look down and see the stairs moving, but I'm so clumsy that I always look to make sure I don't miss a step and fall.. I have a huge fear of being sucked into it haha. I almost always take the stairs if I have a choice.
 
There's an enormous revolving door in the Grand Sierra Resort Hotel. Really gives me the creeps going through it. And escalators? Yeah...I'm always visualizing one eating one or both of my feet. The worst thing I encounter all the time though are automatic doors usually at supermarkets where they seem to have a slight delay.
 
Judge said:
The worst thing I encounter all the time though are automatic doors usually at supermarkets where they seem to have a slight delay.
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OMG yes! I hate automatic doors. I work at a grocery store though so i have to deal with them fairly often. Ours have a bad delay half the time, to the point that i'll end up slowing down my pace to nearly a stop because it won't open until i'm inches from the door! Then i feel like i looked dumb and feel really self conscious and hope a supervisor or manager wasn't nearby to see. It happens a few times a week. I've only ever encountered revolving doors once and i don't even remember where it was, i was really little. Probably a hotel or hospital? I don't remember. I just remember they moved slowly enough that they intimidating but not scary. I do remember dad having to coax me through the doors though.
 
Grumpy Cat said:
It's not interesting! There's this one door down on The Plaza in a really expensive store (I believe Saks), anyway, it goes fast! You'll be waiting for the open space to come around and hope you can get in there and walk out the other side. And it is really bad if others are around you coming out or moving around you to go in. It stresses me just thinking about it.

Another thing that bothers me are escalators. I can remember when I was younger (like 4-5) I fell towards the bottom of this escalator and my winter coat started to get sucked down into that escalator and my Pa was behind me and had to actually kick me off of that thing! I don't want to know what would have happened if he hadn't have done that.
Click to expand...
They're constantly moving?? How weird...

Escalators definitely have a creepy factor to them. Fun to ride on, not so fun when a malfunction is involved.
 
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