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Wondering if I'll ever be independent

inkfingers

inkfingers

21 year old artist
I really want to be independent, and move out of the house and get a job and support myself, but I don't know if I'll ever have that level of independence. First off, I still need to get my driver's licence. Secondly, I need to finish college (which will take me a while since I'm taking maybe twice as long as my peers). Third, I need to find a job that will not make me burnout or have meltdowns and sensory overload. And then I need to be able to manage finances, basic household upkeep, etc. It all seems a bit much right now, and so far away. I want to work toward being independent, but part of me worries: will it ever happen? Will I ever be able to hold down a job and live on my own?

Does anyone have any suggestions for jobs that don't require a lot of social interaction? It seems that most first time jobs involve a lot of interpersonal communication, like cashiers, sales persons, etc. I could handle that for maybe a week, and then I'd just shut down.

Sorry for the long whiny post. I'm just feeling a bit frustrated with myself right now. Or rather, frustrated with my lack of independence.
 
I remember when I felt as you, but my situation was not knowing about aspergers and being a "forced" carer to my gran ( I was blackmailed by relatives).

I wanted so much to learn to drive and go to America and be an au pair. This was a way of breaking through the barrier of my private hell.

Accept, I only had my own extreme negative obsticles in the way. It NEVER occurred to me, to get in tuch with a driving school and go from there. All I could "see" was: I need to drive, but how can I learn?

Consequently, I have got my licence and secondly, I got married when I was 21. Gran was moved into a home ( very long story).

You have to work out which would be quicker to attain? Learning to drive or getting work?

The ideal job would be seeking out jobs that require just one on one interactions. Could you apply to be acknowledged as disabled? This would open doors of opportunity for you. It means that work where you do not get stressed with doing, will be found.

I now handle our finances and boy it has given me a boost of "being an adult". I have the responsibility of caring for our home and have a husband who is very militarian in his outlook and will notice small things.

For a long time, I could not cope, but I have learned along the way and now, I do believe I am not all that bad.

It is very hard to be accepting that in this world, we can be acknowledged very quickly as being disabled, but what comes along with that, is a huge amount of internal support.

I live in France ( my country is the uk) and I have tried to work. Had work here and there in cleaning holiday homes, but never went further, because of having to rely on hubby.

I found work and with a great deal of excitment, I emailed and even got an interview. Then, reality it home! How on earth was I going to get to that place of work? I hoped that the map would show it was not that far, but sadly, it was too far, for arrangments to be made and I was sobbing as I emailed saying that it was not going to happen.

There was a time, I found the perfect work for me. I saw in a temping agent's window: typist wanted. Accuracy more important than speed. My eyes lit up! I type fast, but not when being observed.

I went in, armed with my folder of exams; equired about the job offer and with a huge, eager smile, handed her my folder. She brushed it aside and abruptly pointed in a corner, where a computer was and said: take a speeding test. I tried to explain that according to the advert, speed is not that important. She refused to listen.

I failed that test and thought: it was due to stress. But I passed with distinctions in college for typing and that was extreme pressure. So, now I know it was HER attitude that put me off and why I made too many mistakes.

I tried to reason with her, but she was a closed book. She said: you failed that test and in fact, you were the worst one, so how can I trust to allow you to take this work? I said: but I have certificates of distinction for my typing! She would not listen and with the last shred of dignity, I walked out and thanks to having sunglasses, my sobs were not seen.

So, I am now in a position that I could add being a financal adviser, but my math is so bad, I would be laughed at. I could train as a psychologist, but disagree with the format of training.
 
One step at a time. Work on getting your driver's licence over the summer perhaps, so you have it by the time you go back to college. Or finish your college, and then worry about getting a driver's licence. Then, once you have got your licence and finished college, think about applying for jobs.
 
If living alone on your own is what you want, I don't see why not.
I did everything you desire, but, I didn't have the desire to live on my own.
Depression and severe anxiety issues I just couldn't handle alone.
I needed the secure feeling of having someone living with me that understood my issues,
cared enough to offer support and be there to talk with when these emotions took over.
I never lived alone in my life and I've outlived my family members I felt close with.
Now I share a large house with another older person and while it is not the loving type
of relationship I would prefer, I know I'm not alone. He prefers not to live alone either.

I've had two major employments that didn't involve a lot of social interaction.
I worked at a printing company doing lay out work for a weekly magazine first.
It was night work and I had my own area to do my part in creating the magazine.

I went to University for medical arts and didn't want to work putting a magazine
together as a career so I started applying at pharmaceutical industries
and when an opening came up at a wholesale pharmacy, I took it.
Didn't have to deal with the public like a regular pharmacy.
I learned to drive and money management came easy for me. I was free to do as I wanted,
but, lived at home due to the preference of not wanting to live on my own.
 
inkfingers said:
Does anyone have any suggestions for jobs that don't require a lot of social interaction? It seems that most first time jobs involve a lot of interpersonal communication, like cashiers, sales persons, etc.
Click to expand...

Janitors are often allowed to wear headphones during their shifts.
 
Why do you need a driver's license? It's like saying you need a big expensive TV. Actually it's worse. Cars are the number 2 cause for financial ruin. So it's more like saying you need a pony. Except ponies are super cute, and cars are not.

Not sure what your need for independence stems from. If you are slowly but surely getting annoyed by the people in your house then I get it but if you have no issues then I don't see why you should feel you need to move out if everything is peachy. Just be prepared for the eventual... uhm... end of this arrangement.

Night time security guard, office janitor (The ones that clean at night/early morning). Other than that you would have to set up something yourself or work freelance but you do need to be able to deal with customers.

You could go on vacation for a few months (If you are in the USA you can just go to another state) and see how you handle things on your own. I'm not talking hotel where everything is done for you (I hate that anyway) but where you actually do everything you need to normally do save for work (again if you are in the USA, I think it's possible to move to another state and try to find work there? I'm not sure if that's legal, but I think it is). Even if work goes wrong, it's a "vacation" and all costs are already planned. Should things go bad then you know what to work on. If you are not in the USA you could go on "vacation" in your own country or just another country and not work (Unless EU... but I'm not sure how that even works exactly). It's also useful to find out just how you handle everything. When I go abroad I usually just rent a normal apartment and I have to deal with not just bills... but bills in a foreign country. It's a pain but you learn a lot.
 
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It sounds like your mind is going a mile a minute. One thing at a time! You don't need to figure out all of these things in one go. If you live somewhere where driving is vital, perhaps make that your priority. You're already enrolled in college, so it sounds like you're seeing a problem where there isn't one. Does it matter if it takes you longer than other people to finish? In terms of independent skills like financial management, there's a lot of help out there for learning those skills. But right now, you're not in a position you need them yet, so put them to the side.

In terms of jobs, all the suggestions so far have been good. Being self-employed can be a good route. You have more control over what works for you and what doesn't. I hear driving jobs can also be good for low social interaction.
 
Just an idea... Maybe a warehouse employee? These are jobs like restocking items or picking items into orders. You'd be around people but not necessarily interacting much other than at shift changes and such. You could just focus on doing your job and not have to worry about interacting w/ people. I'm not sure if you have any warehouses in your area.
 
Take one step at a time, and don't worry too much about the future. Be careful not to compare yourself to other people. Instead of competing with them, compete with yourself: "I made more progress this week than I expected to," for instance.
 
I recommend what someone else said and work as a janitor. I worked at one and it was great! I was left alone, nobody bothered me, I didn't have to report to anyone. All I did was clean all day.
 
If you are going to be a janitor or security guard, you certainly don't need a college degree for that, so you should quit college now.

There are many, many jobs that do not involve much public contact (although they may involve contact with co-workers), and many of them do require a college degree. Make sure that the field you are in actually has real-world employment potential. For instance, art history or philosophy really are not very valuable undergraduate majors, compared to applied sciences or accounting.

What is your field of study?
 
Crossbreed said:
@inkfingers , your profile says that you are "officially diagnosed." Did that diagnosis include a severity level?
Click to expand...

Um, in the written document I got from my psychologist it didn't mention a severity level. It said something like: Autism Spectrum Disorder, requiring support. That's it. I'm probably considered "high-functioning" because I have good language skills and don't usually engage in more stereotypical behaviors, but I've always had trouble keeping a job.
 
GadAbout said:
If you are going to be a janitor or security guard, you certainly don't need a college degree for that, so you should quit college now.

There are many, many jobs that do not involve much public contact (although they may involve contact with co-workers), and many of them do require a college degree. Make sure that the field you are in actually has real-world employment potential. For instance, art history or philosophy really are not very valuable undergraduate majors, compared to applied sciences or accounting.

What is your field of study?
Click to expand...

I'm currently going for a Fine Arts degree. I'd like to specialize in illustration, and become a freelance graphic designer/illustrator.
 
GadAbout said:
Are you any good? (post one of your illustrations!)
Click to expand...
upload_2019-6-7_23-36-13.png
 
GadAbout said:
Are you any good? (post one of your illustrations!)
Click to expand...

I just posted a close up of one of my rabbit patterns. You can check out my Instagram page @aspieink, but most of the stuff on there isn't my best quality work. I have a ton of good art work that I just haven't posted to my account yet. This is just a snippet.
 
When I first glanced the top one, I thought it was a picture of someone's internal organs! Yeah, those are cool. Thanks for sharing!
 
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