This is long.. I'm also cross posting on other other forum, so if you see me double places, I apologize. The 'too long, didn't read' version is at the end..
I?m not even sure if I belong here (for my son)... I?m looking mostly for reassurance that I?m not off on the wrong track.
I have 4 children, 2 grown daughters and two younger boys 9 & 12. My oldest son is the one I suspect of Asperger?s (is that even how it?s referred to? ?of Asperger?s? or ?has? or ?falls on the?.. I don?t know) - but now I?m reading that they have taken Asperger?s off and are just using the Autism Spectrum? Regardless.. if he is on the spectrum, he would be high functioning.
Mostly, it?s been what I have referred to as an ?anxiety issue?. I homeschool, so it?s been very easy to just accommodate our routines to suit his needs.
Things that have been an issue, some we?ve learned to work around, and others he?s gotten a lot better - but I?m not sure if that?s because of him growing accustomed to things, or us being better about how we handle things.. Hair cutting from 18mos+(scissors / clippers - we no longer cut hair), clothes (how they feel while wearing, or coming off), also used to chew clothes - now it?s soft plastic stuff (like ear buds - but he?s getting better), weather (anything other than calm sunny, cloudless sky), leaving the house (distance mostly - mapping destination), sleeping without me, food (extremely particular and limited), awkward running (also clumsy), very very shaky when doing fine motor skills (but can play jenga with no problem, lol).
Mostly, the biggest issue right now is anxiety. Lately he?s having issues sleeping and having to pee repeatedly. This manifested when I took him to the dentist a few weeks ago. It?s what really made me realize I need to do something to help him. We?re reaching a point where living in our own bubble and doing everything our own way isn?t going to always work. He?d been doing so well, I really thought he?d just outgrown the anxiety? I was so wrong.
Just to get his teeth xrayed (had to have multiple times because he was literally trembling so much. To clean his teeth, I stood by him, talking and calming.. but he was really so stressed. The lady doing the cleaning was wonderful, very patient. But she kept telling me we just needed to explain what was going on and I realized then the difference between what other people see, and what it really is.
No amount of explaining or preparing, stops that anxiety - He hears it, and he understands what is being said, but his body and mind can?t react to it like what people expect. And because of the dentist visit and knowing he needs to go back, he?s not been able to sleep without getting up multiple times to pee? I have been giving him benadryl to help him sleep.. now he?s waking up after only 4 hours and not being able to go back to sleep.
I spoke with a psychologist last week, we actually went to meet her and he really liked her.. so we?re going to go back. She thinks she can teach him some relaxation techniques and maybe help with the fine motor skills. I also have an appt with our family dr. I saw him when my son was 9 - at the time thinking it was just ?anxiety? or ocd (an ocd hand washing period through the winter prior). Our dr referred us to a child psychologist at our local children?s hosp. I didn?t care for the man, he really pushed for my son to go back in the room without me - he did finally let me come back, but at the conclusion he was pushing for him to come back alone next appt - which caused anxiety until I just told my son he we weren?t going back to see that dr again. I am hoping our fam dr will refer us to the childrens hosp in Cincinnati (not far from us).
But now I?m worried that I?m just overreacting. I mean, logically, I can see all we?ve been through and all that my son has struggled with and I know things work differently for him - so it seems like HFA is just a no-brainer?. but what if we can?t get testing.. or what if they test him and that?s not it.. what do I do then? Because I feel like I?ve already given my son a label, a label only in hopes of making things make more sense for him - maybe giving him an ?excuse? to be ok with how he feels about things..
Honestly, at the dentist that day.. one young woman walked back and forth outside the room looking in and smiling, a smile I took to mean she thought my son was being silly and over reacting. So I stepped out of the room and kindly said, he has an anxiety issue.. he?s been this way since he was a baby.. she said oh and stopped smiling and seemed a bit more thoughtful about it - at least, I didn?t see her walking by and smiling any more. And it felt like, but maybe I?m wrong, that if I could have had a better ?label? (I hate labels, I really do, I?m just new with all of this and unsure how to express my thoughts) that maybe it would have sounded more sincere.. I don?t know. I really don?t. I?m so afraid they?re going to tell me he?s just ?normal? and not see the things I see.
TL;DR version:
I?m a worried mom hoping to get started on the path to diagnosing my 12yo son with HFA, but afraid they?ll just say ?he?s normal, just another weird [homeschooled] kid?.
I?m not even sure if I belong here (for my son)... I?m looking mostly for reassurance that I?m not off on the wrong track.
I have 4 children, 2 grown daughters and two younger boys 9 & 12. My oldest son is the one I suspect of Asperger?s (is that even how it?s referred to? ?of Asperger?s? or ?has? or ?falls on the?.. I don?t know) - but now I?m reading that they have taken Asperger?s off and are just using the Autism Spectrum? Regardless.. if he is on the spectrum, he would be high functioning.
Mostly, it?s been what I have referred to as an ?anxiety issue?. I homeschool, so it?s been very easy to just accommodate our routines to suit his needs.
Things that have been an issue, some we?ve learned to work around, and others he?s gotten a lot better - but I?m not sure if that?s because of him growing accustomed to things, or us being better about how we handle things.. Hair cutting from 18mos+(scissors / clippers - we no longer cut hair), clothes (how they feel while wearing, or coming off), also used to chew clothes - now it?s soft plastic stuff (like ear buds - but he?s getting better), weather (anything other than calm sunny, cloudless sky), leaving the house (distance mostly - mapping destination), sleeping without me, food (extremely particular and limited), awkward running (also clumsy), very very shaky when doing fine motor skills (but can play jenga with no problem, lol).
Mostly, the biggest issue right now is anxiety. Lately he?s having issues sleeping and having to pee repeatedly. This manifested when I took him to the dentist a few weeks ago. It?s what really made me realize I need to do something to help him. We?re reaching a point where living in our own bubble and doing everything our own way isn?t going to always work. He?d been doing so well, I really thought he?d just outgrown the anxiety? I was so wrong.
Just to get his teeth xrayed (had to have multiple times because he was literally trembling so much. To clean his teeth, I stood by him, talking and calming.. but he was really so stressed. The lady doing the cleaning was wonderful, very patient. But she kept telling me we just needed to explain what was going on and I realized then the difference between what other people see, and what it really is.
No amount of explaining or preparing, stops that anxiety - He hears it, and he understands what is being said, but his body and mind can?t react to it like what people expect. And because of the dentist visit and knowing he needs to go back, he?s not been able to sleep without getting up multiple times to pee? I have been giving him benadryl to help him sleep.. now he?s waking up after only 4 hours and not being able to go back to sleep.
I spoke with a psychologist last week, we actually went to meet her and he really liked her.. so we?re going to go back. She thinks she can teach him some relaxation techniques and maybe help with the fine motor skills. I also have an appt with our family dr. I saw him when my son was 9 - at the time thinking it was just ?anxiety? or ocd (an ocd hand washing period through the winter prior). Our dr referred us to a child psychologist at our local children?s hosp. I didn?t care for the man, he really pushed for my son to go back in the room without me - he did finally let me come back, but at the conclusion he was pushing for him to come back alone next appt - which caused anxiety until I just told my son he we weren?t going back to see that dr again. I am hoping our fam dr will refer us to the childrens hosp in Cincinnati (not far from us).
But now I?m worried that I?m just overreacting. I mean, logically, I can see all we?ve been through and all that my son has struggled with and I know things work differently for him - so it seems like HFA is just a no-brainer?. but what if we can?t get testing.. or what if they test him and that?s not it.. what do I do then? Because I feel like I?ve already given my son a label, a label only in hopes of making things make more sense for him - maybe giving him an ?excuse? to be ok with how he feels about things..
Honestly, at the dentist that day.. one young woman walked back and forth outside the room looking in and smiling, a smile I took to mean she thought my son was being silly and over reacting. So I stepped out of the room and kindly said, he has an anxiety issue.. he?s been this way since he was a baby.. she said oh and stopped smiling and seemed a bit more thoughtful about it - at least, I didn?t see her walking by and smiling any more. And it felt like, but maybe I?m wrong, that if I could have had a better ?label? (I hate labels, I really do, I?m just new with all of this and unsure how to express my thoughts) that maybe it would have sounded more sincere.. I don?t know. I really don?t. I?m so afraid they?re going to tell me he?s just ?normal? and not see the things I see.
TL;DR version:
I?m a worried mom hoping to get started on the path to diagnosing my 12yo son with HFA, but afraid they?ll just say ?he?s normal, just another weird [homeschooled] kid?.
