Work

[Stubbrn]

Ok does anyone find that they find that you can't trust people with telling you what they actually think? Because of "society" etc. I have been struggling so much with asking for time off work, because in my experience, people won't tell you if that actually doesn't work for them unless you pry it out of them or read between the lines which I kinda typically over read the lines and freak out a bit. So everytime I ask for work off I agonize over whether or not it's too much time off work, is it truly alright, would they tell me it's alright, is this a problem that they aren't telling me about, and on and on and on. Its just so... Stressful lol. Just me?

 

[Progster]

No, not just you. I have difficulty with reading between the lines, too. I just have to guess. Things like tipping are hard too, did I give them enough? It causes anxiety and makes me want to avoid the situation entirely. Those unspoken rules that society operates by - about 50% is guesswork for me.

 

[Stubbrn]

No, not just you. I have difficulty with reading between the lines, too. I just have to guess. Things like tipping are hard too, did I give them enough? It causes anxiety and makes me want to avoid the situation entirely. Those unspoken rules that society operates by - about 50% is guesswork for me.

Omg tipping is like instant stress. I am absolutely happy to give them the tip and they deserve it but it's like you said, how much to give, is it enough, am I like the people in the movies who never tip enough. Gah it's just very frustrating.

 

[Outdated]

I'm assuming by the thread title that you're mostly talking about the employment situation rather than every day life. Welcome by the way.

Guilt is a concept you can't afford, you need to learn how to ignore that one. Pride in your self must be earned, and that includes how you see your work performance, reliability, etc. But rely on your own judgement about what is fair and what is not and don't let other people sway you.

In Australia by law we get 10 sick days a year, and you only need a doctors note if it's two days or more in a row. In some jobs I had to use all of them because of the people I worked with and the stress they created. I used to phone in and say I'm having bowel trouble.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Very few feel comfortable being their authentic self in society. It's not just a neurodiverse thing. We all wear masks.

Ed

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Ok does anyone find that they find that you can't trust people with telling you what they actually think? Because of "society" etc. I have been struggling so much with asking for time off work, because in my experience, people won't tell you if that actually doesn't work for them unless you pry it out of them or read between the lines which I kinda typically over read the lines and freak out a bit. So everytime I ask for work off I agonize over whether or not it's too much time off work, is it truly alright, would they tell me it's alright, is this a problem that they aren't telling me about, and on and on and on. Its just so... Stressful lol. Just me?

I can relate. Regarding time off, I'd just observe what your peers are doing. About how much time off do they average? If you're doing about the same, you should be good. If you have a lot more, without good reason, then that could cause problems.

Omg tipping is like instant stress. I am absolutely happy to give them the tip and they deserve it but it's like you said, how much to give, is it enough, am I like the people in the movies who never tip enough. Gah it's just very frustrating.

Since 15% is the standard, I usually do about 20%. It's easy math and is usually affordable, for me.

It is agony having to wonder if we're doing something right, but unless you're getting complaints or weird attitudes from people, you're probably fine. I find most people like me a lot more than I can tell, and my worries are usually for nothing. Not knowing does make work stressful, but if there's a problem they will tell you. I hope that gives some comfort.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Very few feel comfortable being their authentic self in society. It's not just a neurodiverse thing. We all wear masks.

Ed

Great point, Ed. I wonder if we just have much less of a tolerance for it, but what you say is true.

 

[Raggamuffin]

If we're burnt out then we have much less tolerance for everything, and can get angry or triggered over minor things. Then there's the masking at work, trying to fit in. Plus, if we're worn out - ironically we often push ourselves harder to push through the fatigue and the brain fog etc. When our mind and body are screaming out for rest, but we often end up hoarding our free time, sleeping less, becoming more isolated, relying on caffeine and comfort eating, self-care out the window etc.

Burnout sucks

Masking is exhausting too. There should be more of a focus on working on our own authenticity. Pretending to be something you're not, in order to fit in, or keep the peace, or people please. Ahh, it's a false economy. We end up even more worn out.

Ed

 

[Mr. Stevens]

If we're burnt out then we have much less tolerance for everything, and can get angry or triggered over minor things. Then there's the masking at work, trying to fit in. Plus, if we're worn out - ironically we often push ourselves harder to push through the fatigue and the brain fog etc. When our mind and body are screaming out for rest, but we often end up hoarding our free time, sleeping less, becoming more isolated, relying on caffeine and comfort eating, self-care out the window etc.

Burnout sucks

Masking is exhausting too. There should be more of a focus on working on our own authenticity. Pretending to be something you're not, in order to fit in, or keep the peace, or people please. Ahh, it's a false economy. We end up even more worn out.

Ed

I hope this isn't derailing, but I was recently advised to medicate in response to issues I have with light and noise. Also for the stress of masking. It seemed like work accommodations and self-acceptance were a lot less important. I'm not judging people who take medication, but I felt like in this case I'd be numbing myself rather than trying to do what works. There is a lot of pressure on us to not complain and just go along, yet I think we're often seen as too passive. They can't both be true

 

[Raggamuffin]

I personally would say don't medicate. Statistics for people on medication are very high and worrying. We're a medicated society and it doesn't cure anything - it just buries things. Once again - it's not being authentic to yourself. A drugged up self is not an authentic self.

Ed