Working On Social Anxiety

[The Penguin]

With many people facing social anxiety, I want to express how I overcame it. At the same time, I will express when I moved to another city, it was much harder to connect with people. When you're done reading I hope you may find useful information, and also learn it is not your fault.

From the time I was born until graduating college, I never had any good friends. Well, maybe a few, but after they moved to another city, we lost contact. When I finished college, my mother knew a place had worked for me in Toronto so I moved. It was a huge adjustment for me as I never lived in a city with millions of people. The first few years living in the city I had no friends. Being very depressed one day, I was wondering if there was any social anxiety groups? Spending an hour on a Google search, I was able to find one. It was every Sunday. I decided to have the courage to go.

The group starts with playing music and meditating for 10 minutes. After, we start the group discussions. When it was my turn I expressed what was going on with me. It was helpful I had a chance to express myself. After attending my first session, I decided to continue to attended weekly. Sometimes, we do a field trip such as going to a city park or eating out somewhere. After attending for 6 weeks, I realized most members have worse issues than me and had a harder childhood. I decided my next step is to find groups to enjoy myself.

I found a website called meetup.com that haves many groups on various interests. I think the first group I have attended was the documentary group. I had a wonderful time. Later on I joined board game group, computer group and movie club. I would attend once of these groups, one a month or every other month. Though I didn't make friends to hang out with outside the groups, I did have a social life.

A few years later, things were not becoming good with my life. I had issues paying bills as I was not able to find a full-time job for many months. After paying rent with a credit card for a few months, I realized I need to make changes in my life. I gave up all independence and end up living with family. I only had someone local to help me for a few months. After that point, the only option left was to move with my father in Nova Scotia. I didn't really want to move, but I didn't have many options left. Anyhow, I end up moving with him. The living experience was not the greatest. Anyhow, I will focus on how my social life changed living in Nova Scotia.

I did found this board game group that I attend. However, the organizer never showed up. There was another member showed up. I figure since we the only two there, might as well hang out at a restaurant. We spoke for a few hours and went our own ways. We never spoke since. Many months later, there was a new organizer and was able to play the game Cashflow. This board game is kinda like Monopoly. To learn more, visit Cashflow 101 | Board Game | BoardGameGeek . Anyhow, it seems just like the old organizer, things started to die out within time.

Later on I learned about this a model railroad group so I decided to join. It was nice since they started a new layout. After some months, I learned development is very slow. I felt there was more talking than working on the layout. I did miss Toronto, where there are many model railroad groups that haves a clubhouse with many layouts to play with. With the one I'm attending in Nova Scotia, it's not possible since it runs out of someone's house and limited space. Later on, when hard events were going on in my life, I stop attending the group. I didn't want to bring my depression with the group.

After living in Nova Scotia for some years, I learned the people are very different. I do understand Atlantic Canada is more laid back compared to other parts of Canada. At the same time, I don't like how slow development is, and there not many things to do. Living here for 5 years now, I still don't have a good social life. I had many bad experiences with people living in this province. I concluded that Nova Scotia is not the province for me. The reason why I'm still here because I don't have enough money to move. I have met many people in Nova Scotia does not like Toronto. Based on this, geography can determine if it's a good place to connect with people. So for me, Nova Scotia is not a good place to connect with people.

A few years ago I learned to accept I'm a person don't connect with the norm. This can make it harder trying to make friends.

From reading my story, you need to decide if you want to make your social life better. You might have the great experience I had like when I was living in Toronto, or have bad experiences that I had living in Nova Scotia. To give you the heads up, I had met people from Toronto loves Nova Scoita. However, this place is not for me. Anyhow, if you haven't tried for many years to improve your social life, maybe you should consider it again. Some will have faster progression compare to others. I had someone on here admit to me they never made a good friend until they were in their 40s. For people that no where near their 40's, I'm not trying to say you might need to wait until your 40's but, it could take some time until you can find that right person.

As for me, I find people I like to connect with lives outside of Nova Scotia. When my income is better, I will go to lots of conferences of my special interest to meet people I like. I wish you luck and hope one day you have a better social life. You are also welcome to answer me any questions related to this story

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I've had similar experiences with self-started special interest groups from meetup. I joined a book group that had a screening/interview process and I was welcomed in, but the organizer cancelled everything after changing the book (after I'd read the first choice as instructed...). I joined an art group but I felt really ill at ease in the coffee shop where we were supposed to meet--didn't see anyone else there after ten minutes and just got the jitters.

Conferences for my special interest are work-related, but usually very expensive. I'm hoping to start that again if I can get a job with a tuition reimbursement or professional development benefit.

 

[The Penguin]

Conferences for my special interest are work-related, but usually very expensive.

Yup but I'm not worried about it. Working hard on my business so it not an issue for me. But yes, it can make it hard for people don't have a good income level.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

My friends helped me.
They were so supportive of me despite me being so shy. They didn't worry about how shy I was and how little I spoke. They only saw how kind I was and decided that was reason enough to begin a friendship.
They really inspired me to try to work on my social anxiety. My success came as a result of me trying heaps of different strategies and never giving up, until I eventually found ways that worked.
So I went from being a silent rock to a chatterbox.
Well not too much of chatterbox, lol. That is the other end of the talking spectrum that I gotta avoid.

 

[Progster]

My friends helped me.
They were so supportive of me despite me being so shy. They didn't worry about how shy I was and how little I spoke. They only saw how kind I was and decided that was reason enough to begin a friendship.
They really inspired me to try to work on my social anxiety. My success came as a result of me trying heaps of different strategies and never giving up, until I eventually found ways that worked.
So I went from being a silent rock to a chatterbox.
Well not too much of chatterbox, lol. That is the other end of the talking spectrum that I gotta avoid.

I'm not much of a chatterbox either, and I find it hard to deal with people who talk a lot and I become overloaded very quickly. Talking isn't my thing. I prefer calm people with whom I can enjoy their company without the pressure talk or constantly pay attention and listen.

Once or twice in the past, when I've moved to a new town, I've joined a hiking group. It's a good way to meet people because you are outdoors, not in a noisy environment like a restaurant, it's based round an activity rather than just talking socialising, people walk side by side in twos and threes, not in groups, it's acceptable to just walk and not talk, not so much pressure to make eye contact, good exercise and healthy - it's one thing that I've tried in the past and has worked for me. Another good activity is mushroom gathering

 

[Spiller]

I was virtually housebound due to Anxiety until fairly recently.. I Googled local AS/ASD and Mental Health charities as I didn't have the confidence (or, indeed, an interest) to join an interest group; I figured that at least people in the charity groups were more likely to share common issues with me.
My difficulty, as an introvert, is that I'm quiet, unless I get interested in a subject, or unless I can relax (naturally, or with alcohol/cannabis) around whoever I'm with.. the thing is, I can talk, I want to talk, but I can never think of anything to say! Practice makes perfect.. I hope
In this last year I've made a handful of friends, maybe 2-3 good friends.. time will tell I guess. I think we have to try much harder to connect and make friends than NT's as we don't have that natural ability to make large numbers of aquaintances to draw closer friends from.

 

[The Penguin]

Once or twice in the past, when I've moved to a new town, I've joined a hiking group.

Maybe I will consider the local hiking group in my area.

 

[Loomis]

I have not posted for a long time but I would like to share a pharmaceutical solution to anxiety that I find very effective. The drug is Namenda (memantine=generic name). It is an Alzheimer's drug that works as a non-competitive antagonist of the NMDA receptor.

The primary excitatory neurotransmitter in the brain is glutamate. Namenda binds to the NMDA at a different place than the glutamate binds to it. The result is that a normal amount of glutamate is able to bind to the receptor but excess glutamate is prevented from binding.

The effects of taking Namenda are amazing. It has very few and very mild side effects. It quiets my brain, eliminates the chatter and gives me a clarity of thought I never thought possible. Negative thoughts are easy to reject. I am at peace and much more relaxed in social situations than ever before.

The drug may not work the same way for everyone since each of us on the spectrum has different brain chemistry but it has changed my life for the better and greatly normalized my interactions with NTs.