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Workplace Bullying

Lysander

Lysander

Well-Known Member
Hey everyone,

I've been training a new hire recently. He has been getting bolder and bolder, openly denying what I'm trying to teach him. He is apparently unwilling to learn from a woman based on his attitude. He undermines me at every turn, throwing me under the bus for his mistakes and pretending he knows more than he does. He's an older guy and claims to be a veteran. I described the situation to my husband who is enlisted active duty and he says he is very skeptical.

I've been so anxious about this situation that I can't even sleep on my days off.

Bullying is nothing new for this community. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of behavior before?
 
Something similar happened to me with a new hire to the company I was working for previously. While unlike your case the guy was younger than me he caused me a lot of trouble before the boss finally saw through him.

My advice is to carefully document everything.
Keep a diary of everything you do with him, what you have instructed him to do, the time spent, anything that could possibly be argued about later.

If a task needs to be done a certain way type up a bullet point list of actions that need to be done and preferably email them to both the new guy and your boss so the company then has a clear SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) for those tasks and the new hire then cannot claim not to have been told.
It is remotely possible that he does have a better way to do the job, in which case let him clearly state to you and your boss the advantages. (if it succeeds then he gets the credit, but when it fails he gets the blame, which is how it should be)

But have confidence in your own abilities too, you have presumably been successfully doing your work up until now.
 
You've been there long enough and have done the job well enough to be chosen to train new employees. However that in itself is no guarantee that they are competent to do the job on their own.

Frankly this sounds like an employee who simply won't last long once he's no longer tethered to you for his own training. Yes, the exposure is always there for a "noob" to blame their trainers, but management is likely to see right through it.

Time will likely solve your dilemma. The guy will either swim or sink on his own.
 
I don't envy your situation. I would venture to say that to a degree this situation exists or has existed on every work team. As a trainer you should be seen as proficient in the tasks needing performed which means you have a reliable voice to speak confidently to this man's gaps in team integration, proficiency in his work, and his need to show some solid character overall.

I might suggest you potentially have two solid options:
  • "Grin and bear it". If everyone faced with this scenario were honest ... this is what most do.
  • Call the gaslighting and dishonesty out based on your significant historical documentation. Get ready for a fight, to possibly loose, and be reprimanded or fired if your support is deemed not sufficient to support the actual circumstances. This might occur if your management team isn't willing to be honest, make the hard decisions, and live with the consequences. You may win to the betterment of the man and your company.
You need the work and the pay so just quitting isn't an option. If you do just quit the bastard wins. No one wants that outcome. We would all want someone like this to have these flaws managed to the point that he can stand on his own two feet and be an honest person. I know you haven't suggested quitting but many do faced with this situation.

I would agree that using his veteran status to manipulate others in the workplace could be a form of gaslighting. This is deceptive. In my experience, most people (management) see thru it when it is used dishonestly, but this is very difficult to manage thru in the workplace these days as many place more value on freedom from speech than freedom of speech. Better said, he can gaslight and you cant call it out for what it is without a negative impact on you.

In my opinion, all the other actions are symptoms of one who is deficient of character. This person should take a long hard look inside himself and modify his actions. I know, I know, I am living in a perfect world. It is what should happen.

Once again, I would encourage you to document situations and circumstances in detail. The first use would be to this man's benefit .. for him to see a need to change and do better. The second would be to alert management that this associate has issues that will be detrimental to the companies success. Try your best to document in a way that avoids placing your word against his word. Also if possible allow others to participate in this work to help this guy. If you choose the second bullet point above you will feel a bit more safe if more associates are participating with you.

I'm interested to see how this forum conversation unwinds. I appreciate you posting. I look forward to reading of other's experience and recommendations and I look forward to reading about how your situation concluded. Thank you, Lysander.
 
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Jeremiah said:
I thought husband is skeptical about the old man being veteran.
Click to expand...

Not likely. She said she described the situation, meaning everything she just posted in her OP is pretty much what she said to her husband. It's not likely that her husband would be skeptical about the guy being a veteran. It's much more likely that he was questioning her perception of the situation.

So Lysander not only has to deal with the rude dude at work, she may also have to deal with a husband who is not being supportive. A very tough situation to be in, no doubt.
 
You mean bullying can have a solution!? :eek: *questions entire past*

Anyway, I read it as her husband being skeptical of him being veteran because it follows the sentence which includes "claims to be a veteran".
 
Yes, bullying can have a solution. But just like many other things very heavily, deeply ingrained in our society, it would take centuries to rid of it and its harmful effects. That is another long thread entirely.

Anyway, I'm glad Lysander posted this, because I think a lot of us non-men can relate, or will soon face the same, or very similar problems.

I think there are already some very good advice. I have nothing much else to add, unless your husband being skeptical is indeed a problem. In which case, I might have a few things to say about that.

I feel for you because not only is this dude sexist, but he also feels additional entitlement to treat you the way he does because he's a veteran (he says he is anyway). Like that means he deserves more respect than anyone else lol I never understood that, still don't, but I won't get into it right now...

I can say that I know what it is like to not be valued and respected and to be doubted in the workplace. No one would ever say it outright, but I'm positive a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not a man, I'm Asian, and I just look like an easy target for them.

I would really love to learn some techniques with how to deal with stuff like that, because the way I dealt in the past was ultimately not helpful to me. Decades of mistreatment made me into a very angry and confrontational person, so I was very quick to aggressively challenge anyone who treated me like I was inferior. I will still challenge others (maybe not so aggressively this time), but in the work place, I have to be very careful about it.

Best of luck Lysander. I hope you're able to resolve this issue very soon. It really sucks that it's even affecting your sleep. Work shouldn't stress you out like this. :(
 
Jojo_LB said:
Anyway, I'm glad Lysander posted this, because I think a lot of us non-men can relate, or will soon face the same, or very similar problems.

I feel for you because not only is this dude sexist, but .
.
Click to expand...

Men bully other men too, and women often bully other women

I expect age more than sex is the problem (not many like taking orders from younger people ) but it's more likely that new guy has always been a bully and neither sexism or age has anything to do with his behaviour.

Like some others I have also read that her husband doesn't believe the guy is really a veteran.
 
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Going by Lysander's words, she said he is apparently, "based on his attitude" unwilling to learn from her because she is a woman.

Very sexist. And no one here should dismiss and question her perceptions on that.
 
I implore you Lysander to take note of sexist behavior. That should be highlighted in your record-taking.
 
Doesn't sound good at all. He's a new employee, he shouldn't be acting this way. Def go to your supervisor about it.

I also should re-iterate that workplace bullying should never happen no matter how long an employee has been there.
 
Omg, l am actually working with several people who would be gaslighted because of sexual orientation, weight, and we bonded together and got rid of a gaslighter, it's a reverse Disney story.
 
Aspychata said:
Omg, l am actually working with several people who would be gaslighted because of sexual orientation, weight, and we bonded together and got rid of a gaslighter, it's a reverse Disney story.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a fairy tale to me where the witch gets killed?

(when I said "fairy tale" I didn't mean that I don't believe you)
 
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