Workplace discrimination?

[Clarebear]

Hello everyone, my apologies if I’m posting this in the wrong space. I had a very disturbing interaction with my boss today and I would greatly appreciate your thoughts on it. Please be kind.

I work as an arts teacher for a non-profit organization. For the past 3 years I have been celebrated for my hard work and reliability. They are aware that I am on the spectrum and struggle with some things that are insignificant for neurotypical folks, but it is nothing that affects my overall performance as a teacher but it does make the job more exhausting for me.

Today when speaking to my boss “Fran” about a minor issue she was upset that I had gone through our liaison to relay the info to her instead of going to her directly but she has always been very unapproachable. When I tried to explain my difficulties with communicating she cut me off and then said that “we have two other autistic employees that have it worse than you who don’t struggle with this issue.” The she told me that I was expected to be an “adult.” I took this to mean that she was belittling my neurodivergent struggle.

“Fran” is also one of the owners of the organization. I have always felt she disliked me for no reason. For context she has always shown favoritism to people who have better social skills regardless of their performance as a teacher, their skills or even experience. For her being excellent at BS the way she is, is the key.

Also for context we had 5 people either quit or move on to better jobs recently and all of them had complaints about her attitude but would not address them to her directly out of fear.

Please let me know if you think what she said was out of line or unprofessional? It was incredibly upsetting…and as I mentioned before I have no complaints against my job performance just these minor issues that fall under “workplace accommodations” I believe.

Thank you so much for your thoughts

 

[Aspychata]

She maybe upset at losing so many employees, and taking out some of her anger. I think it's best to study her communication style, and mimic it. See how she brings up issues, and just repeat her words back to her. An example, you are in her office, and she says that recently she feels that you did this and that, and it should have been done like this. You parrot right back, ----am l to understand you feel l did this and that? And that you wanted this? Then just follow up with, okay, l understand now. Then just leave. So you just mimic whatever she says. That will ramp up your communication skills, or open the door to you being able to ask questions of what is expected of you.

 

[Rodafina]

I agree that it sounds like Fran unduly took out some of her anger on you. It seems common for people to react in a hurt and angry way when someone breaks the expected line of communication. I'm curious about the role of the liaison at your organization - are they a human resources person?

Based on the information provided, Fran's reaction does not seem appropriate or professional to me. If a supervisor is angry, they can still be expected to deal with their emotions in a professional manner and refrain from taking anger out on employees and saying things like this:

“we have two other autistic employees that have it worse than you who don’t struggle with this issue.”

Fran appears to lack awareness of what it means to be autistic and she doesn't understand your unique struggles and challenges at all. To me, considering who "has it worse" is frustrating and ignorant. Every one of her employees will have different strengths and challenges and expecting them to all be alike is naive and poor practice for a supervisor.

 

[paloftoon]

That's frustrating. It sounds like the situation was better handled by contacting her directly.
First off, I will start with that this doesn't seem like workplace discrimination at all. It's too much of a stretch, and your boss is frustrated because the quality of communication being dilapidated and getting things done as soon as possible in a stressful environment is more taxing for her. That's something that needs to be considered. If anyone was offering that quality of communication no matter who it was, she would probably still be (arguably reasonably) frustrated.

Was it urgent enough to reach out to her sooner or could some time have been used to think about it?

If not super urgent, the maybe using e-mail a better form of communication?

If urgent, could you ask another colleague to go with you to ask that colleague and her in-person?

We might need more context, but it sounds like the quality of the process may've been enhanced if you felt more comfortable reaching out to her directly.

I think I can offer a good perspective because I'd probably be more like Fran and I like to work with people that I can communicate and get things done with and be transparent. If I have to chase down information too much or play the avoidant game, it's a turn off for me personally and creates a lack of trust and caution.

Being that this is a work related situation and a stressful environment, there can be slip ups emotionally. While you might not be wrong about her emotional reaction being inappropriate, it would be more minor compared to you not communicating directly with her to get the respective job(s) done. Getting stuff done take precedence at work. She has emotions too, and maybe with your indirect communication, she has to use more time and thought that is aggravating to her. In a stressful job situation, you need to find ways that meet the demand(s), usually in a timely fashion that work for all involved as much as possible. It falls on you to do this.

Hope that helps, and best wishes for this situation.

 

[jsilver256]

I agree that it sounds like Fran unduly took out some of her anger on you. It seems common for people to react in a hurt and angry way when someone breaks the expected line of communication. I'm curious about the role of the liaison at your organization - are they a human resources person?

Based on the information provided, Fran's reaction does not seem appropriate or professional to me. If a supervisor is angry, they can still be expected to deal with their emotions in a professional manner and refrain from taking anger out on employees and saying things like this:


Fran appears to lack awareness of what it means to be autistic and she doesn't understand your unique struggles and challenges at all. To me, considering who "has it worse" is frustrating and ignorant. Every one of her employees will have different strengths and challenges and expecting them to all be alike is naive and poor practice for a supervisor.

It is also a HR violation in many places to make this kind of statement. I'd escalate this to HR - professionally and factually.

 

[Judge]

Please let me know if you think what she said was out of line or unprofessional?

Let's just say that you formally have options to determine if in fact this is the case:

Discrimination, harassment, and retaliation | USAGov

It might be to your advantage to first approach and explore such issues with government sources rather than explore them with your own employer. So if it has been determined that you have no formal recourse, your employer may never know you looked into the matter in the first place.

 

[thejuice]

I would say that if 5 other people have left because of her then I can see why you were afraid. Worth a complaint.

However it might not resolve anything and make things worse. It's a roll of the dice. So would you be prepared to move on if that was the case?

 

[Aspychata]

This boss apparently has a bad track record, so her ability to understand and work with you isn't looking like it will happen in the immediate future. It could be that she has a revolving door when it comes to employees. Like they are hired, and soon they are gone.

 

[All-Rounder]

Great. -sarcasm- This thing happened to me too, earlier today. It really is annoying and like a forever battle for us.

She was speaking without knowledge of how hard life is for you, assuming that you're better off than other autistic people for whatever maybe visual reasons. You are being compared to other autistic people through their own traits, the way autism works is different, you dont share traits or deficiencies with everyone on the spectrum. The specking doesn't know. You have to send a long ass message to explain and battle it out with this ignorant person but it could backfire, and I dont trust them so... put it simply, "Fran" is an ableist and a Psychology minor.

"Also for context we had 5 people either quit or move on to better jobs recently and all of them had complaints about her attitude but would not address them to her directly out of fear." - I wonder is there something we don't know of why they decided that maybe? Fran is so much more than an ableist if NTs are running from their jobs to avoid her. Toxic plague, more like.

I think the safest way may be to just try to ignore her and deal with her behaviour without involving her. Then you get to keep your job, and dont let her words ring true, they are just a bunch of lies.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Hello everyone, my apologies if I’m posting this in the wrong space. I had a very disturbing interaction with my boss today and I would greatly appreciate your thoughts on it. Please be kind.

I work as an arts teacher for a non-profit organization. For the past 3 years I have been celebrated for my hard work and reliability. They are aware that I am on the spectrum and struggle with some things that are insignificant for neurotypical folks, but it is nothing that affects my overall performance as a teacher but it does make the job more exhausting for me.

Today when speaking to my boss “Fran” about a minor issue she was upset that I had gone through our liaison to relay the info to her instead of going to her directly but she has always been very unapproachable. When I tried to explain my difficulties with communicating she cut me off and then said that “we have two other autistic employees that have it worse than you who don’t struggle with this issue.” The she told me that I was expected to be an “adult.” I took this to mean that she was belittling my neurodivergent struggle.

“Fran” is also one of the owners of the organization. I have always felt she disliked me for no reason. For context she has always shown favoritism to people who have better social skills regardless of their performance as a teacher, their skills or even experience. For her being excellent at BS the way she is, is the key.

Also for context we had 5 people either quit or move on to better jobs recently and all of them had complaints about her attitude but would not address them to her directly out of fear.

Please let me know if you think what she said was out of line or unprofessional? It was incredibly upsetting…and as I mentioned before I have no complaints against my job performance just these minor issues that fall under “workplace accommodations” I believe.

Thank you so much for your thoughts

A few things at play here:
1. Respect of chain of command. "Going around" people in your upline can be interpreted as a sign of disrespect.
2. IF your upline is, in some way, "at fault" for a situation, and THIER upline is disciplining or questioning them (based upon your complaint), this too, puts you in a bad position.
3. An emotional reaction that often shuts down logical thinking. Unprofessional.
4. A lack of perspective and empathy.

I might not interpret this interaction as "discrimination" per se, but regardless, there was a personal attack based upon an emotional reaction to a situation.

 

[Tom]

Yes, inappropriate and indicating an fair ammount of ignorance of autism. But big bosses (ie co-owner) have a lot of weight in any organization and are often set in their ways. Good resolutions can be difficult.

But I am curious as to what triggered it. You had a minor issue and did not discuss it with them direct. That can and often will upset people. They usually prefer to have a chance to address it themselves. I am not sure what exactly a liason is but it sounds like an advocate who helps mediate. On paper it sounds fair but is going over their head in a sense and back down to them in a way that informs others of the problem (makes it public to some degree). This can be an embarassment to them and trigger an angry reaction.