Would it be possible to ... ?

[reficul4444]

Hey everyone

I'm quite new here and I'm quite new to the realisation of possibly being an aspie too. I'd like to ask for you help in a weird subject.
I believe I have Aspergers. I don't feel like listing all the things that make me think that, but believe me, it's quite possible. I must believe if I went to see a psychologist today, they'd almost definitely get to the conclusion that I have it.

But it hasn't always been like this. I've always been for myself, didn't enjoy being with others really, never liked going out, never had any relationship (some childish "friendship" but .. you know.. just kids living in the near, sometimes doing some stuff together..). I also never really like or enjoyed being a lot around my parents, being hugged, touched, stroked etc.. My mum even said I was biting her a lot of times and kicking (as a really small child..). So I've always been a weirdo, a bit of a freak, but no clear symptoms, haven't been diagnosed or haven't been suspected of having it.

It seems like it all started to become serious a couple of years ago, when I was 15-16-ish. Now I'm 19, and as I had said, as of now, it seems to be quite certain.
I did my reading, and most people state that this isn't really a thing you can "develop", you're either born with it or not.

So my question is what you guys think? Is it possible that I was born with it but didn't become too much of a problem, too evident and stayed hidden until puberty? I was raised in very good conditions, nice family, so is it possible that as long as I was easy to influence, to control, I was childish, they could just overcome it?

Also, if you think it's impossible, how would you explain my current behaviour and personality ..?

Thanks!

 

[epath13]

Hi... reficul4444, sorry, I had to copy you name, I got a little lost.
I usually don't say "welcome", but, I guess, it's an appropriate thing to do, so, "welcome to the AC"

In my opinion, being strange, weird and unwilling (or unable) to socialize is one of the most dominant traits of Asperger's but it's not the only one and can't be used alone to diagnose a person. It's obvious that every person on Autism spectrum is different, but, I still believe it is an information processing disorder, and lack of understanding how social interactions work is only a symptom, indicating that there deeper processes are happening underneath it all. Other challenges - that people on spectrum might face - are difficulties with organizing information (all kinds of input, including sensory) and giving an appropriate response in a some situations...

OK what I'm trying to say, is: you always have to look at the reasons behind you unwillingness to socialize. Is it sensory, it is because you don't quite understand how communication works, or something else?

It definitely sounds like you might have Asperger's, and, if you do, the symptoms can get worse during puberty or some time around it, especially if some of the issues has never been dealt with, it happens to a lot of people.

 

[reficul4444]

I do understand people and why they are doing what they are doing. I know their intentions I just completely disagree and defy them. I mean I could do that I can act .. I just don't feel like that'd be the natural way for me to be.
I've read a lot about it, filled tests etc... and found some minor treats like unability / unwillingness to keep an eye contact, sometimes stare too much (aka too much / too less eye contact), mixing of pronouns, not really easily understanding verbal instructions especially multiple ones at the same time.
And for example I understand how people are communicating, they look in the eyes, they are do their own mimicry, they smile, they nod they touch each other etc.. I do see and understand all these I just find them completely unnecessary and disturbing to be honest. I mean I do smile, when I feel like it, not because it's the morals..
Also, I've been called a sociopath a few times, probably not completely seriously but like a joke because I acted like one. But anyways, it's kind of true. I've got very good stress tolerance, I hardly have any feelings and only for a very few people etc...
Plus I've got a nice big package of narcissism (this can get quite bad), weird obsessions to people (a bit before to objects too, that seems to be gone by now ..) etc..

So what I'm trying to say is I didn't just wake up, googled these things, and then claimed to be one just because I'm anti-social.
I'm not hypochondriac either, I do not want to have some kind of syndrome, disorder or anything. I just don't find this as a bad thing, I don't mind it, and I feel like I must get to know what I really am like, I must get to know myself, and then I can be even more successful, I can try fixing my "deffects" and I can use my "gifts". Ah yeah, almost forgot. I'm a perfectionist as well.

 

[King_Oni]

To some extent I'm in the same boat as you Reficul4444.

I've noticed that the more society demands of me (and I'm 30 now and should actually be more active in "the real world") the more my problems are prevalent. For the past 10+ years I did my own things and lived in my own world a lot. No problem there. I noticed that when employment and demands/obligations that come with that are a neccesity, that's where I'm a totally impossible person (apparently).

 

[smith2267]

Yes. It is present from birth, but until a person is placed in a provocative environment (by which I mean lots of social expectations or sensory overload), it may not be obvious.

 

[Undiagnosed]

I'd say you could have Asperger's. Other people who have Asperger's also say they like the way they are or don't see the traits as something 'wrong'. Mabey as you get older you have more freedom and more is expected of people the older they get and mabey more traits become apparent due to that.

 

[reficul4444]

Thank you all for the replies. And yeah, my thought really.. There are some things with me I am willing to change because they are possible vulnerabilities, but most things are rather positive for me. I like it this way...
I'm a great pretender to be honest, I can act, lie and pretend well, so.. yeah.. sometimes I wonder who I really am. But this is the way I feel the most original and comfortable. I don't think it's bad, I tend to think it's something more, like superior actually.
And now that I think, it's possible it wasn't really triggered until the past few years. As I said, I'm an only child, I've been to kindergarten for only one year, I've been in school only for the very necessary time, no voluntary stuff in the afternoon and stuff like that etc..
And one thing I left out and I think is rather important: I get real anxious and bad when I have to be around people. I mean like a waiting room somewhere. I hear them breathing, chatting, stamping their feet, being impatient and asking ****, trying to talk with the strangers etc... I can literally feel my heart beating faster and a lot stronger, and I feel out of place. Senses get numbed. Like a mild panic.
And I don't really like making contact at all generally. That is something I'd only do with only a few selected people.

 

[Undiagnosed]

People can not have Asperger's and have Social Anxiety and or combinations of other disorders too. Something to consider if you do determine that this is something that has developed and wasn't with you from the begining.

 

[reficul4444]

Not really a combinations of others and asp. though, only one (anxiety). So you think then anxiety couldn't be triggered by aspergers?

 

[reficul4444]

I did already take that one. No cheating, did it twice, tried to be completely honest as I'd screw my own head over... There was ONE point difference in the two occasions.
I've got Aspie score 133 out of 200, neurotypical score 70 out of 200. Short description: "You are very likely an Aspie.".
And thanks for your reply and positive attitude! It kind of feels easier to know I'm not all alone in the world..

 

[Undiagnosed]

Not really a combinations of others and asp. though, only one (anxiety). So you think then anxiety couldn't be triggered by aspergers?

Asperger's can deffinetley trigger anxiety. I was saying that social anxiety can aslo be present without Asperger's. The thing you said that sounds 'Aspie' to me is that you have never liked being around people a lot. That IS an Aspie trait. I would say that could aslo come along to a point as a personal personality trait in some people too. Im saying it's a bunch of traits and criteria that will tell the differance between Asperger's and Social Anxiety witout aspergers. I think if a person learns a lot about the subject as you have and puts all the pieces together he will eventually know what 'diagnosis' fits him.