"You can't have aspergers(or any other) because you..."

[Aalo]

Ok, I've got enough with this for now. I'm really aware of how people, on average and some specific individuals, do perform in social situations as I've paid attention carefully on it my whole life. Psychology and social dynamics just are big of an interest for me and I'm also having tendecies to remember everything someone ever does or says. I may come out as blunt, but I also might know when someone isn't telling everything or enough about some topic and can quickly ask for more information before their train of thought has passed on to another issues.
So, this brings it to the comment, that according to some I can't have AS, because I manage too well in discussions. I just wonder that haven't these people seen how I struggle with everything else I ever do in public. And that this one excellent trait might be something like a symptom for me. Gah.

What sort of thing have you heard about how/why you didn't resemble being AS for some people? And how hearing something like this makes you feel?

 

[King_Oni]

Oh... there's a lot of things people told me as to why I can't be autistic, and a lot of these things aren't even things that are common to start with.

Some people still think that people on the spectrum can't speak and rock back and forth all the time. And in fact, this kind of ignorance is something that happens even with "professionals" at for instance a jobcenter or social services. People also think that I don't look autistic. Whut? Yes... apparently if you're on the spectrum you look the way as well. No one ever took the effort to enlighten me how someone looks autistic.

Then there's the notion of actually going somewhere. It makes people think I don't qualify. Since when is being antisocial an AS trait exclusively? I don't hate being social 24/7, I might go out to a bar and have a few drinks. Just based on that people think that I can't be that antisocial. Little do they know that if I go out I'm there to enjoy the music and don't talk to anyone. I just have my drinks, sit somewhere, maybe dance a bit and leave. A lot of people have a way to generic understanding of things I do, and automatically assume that because they go out to a bar and be social, I'm like that, and therefore my social skills are fine. And this is just one of many examples.

I'm not always as social awkward, but then again... I only go out when I feel confident enough with my social skills and even then, I prefer to only engage in social interaction about stuff I know/care about. Last thursday I went to a gaming store. I went there to buy some models, but as it happens, there were a few guys having a game. I went over to check it out and spent a good 1,5 to 2 hours hanging out there, even chatting with the guys. But... it was all game related. I rambled on about chances in dicerolls, stats of said units in the guys armies, debated rules and so on... there was no notion of being really social on a superficial level. For what it's worth; I don't even know their names.

If I tell someone I went to store X and talked to some guys; people will assume I'm actually pretty social. No, I'm not... I'm just not that socially awkward and have a pretty narrow field of interest to talk about. And as such don't mind talking about this interest, since I know most gamers are interested in this (and I pretty much assume these guys are like "the average gamer who likes this kind of chatter).

And this was pretty much the same thing when I went to a local gaming store to play cards in weekly tournaments. I went there to play cards, I talked cards, I traded cards and I did not care, nor bring up any smalltalk that was not related to cards. Yet people think that because I hang out there I actually enjoy being around people.

So I've heard a lot of things thrown at me why I'm not on the spectrum, based on an assumption that because someone goes somewhere, it automatically includes social protocol, small talk and social skills. People just shouldn't assume things... but then again, I hate the word "normal" in a lot of context... which probably puts an exclamation mark at the notion of "don't assume anything".

I gotta stop now... I'll end up rambling, lol

 

[Arashi222]

I actually encounter this all the time. Its the you don't look autistic, I never knew you were autistic. Because I have had stable employment at a grocery store and while I hate the noise level at times and it makes me want to curl into a ball its routine and I do well with routine. I have also heard the you can't be autistic your a girl and girls can't be autitsic. Well I have news for all of them. I am Autistic and geez we're not all the same and have differing functioing levels grrr. That one really bugs me. But I wish people would just stop assuming things and actually ask me. People think because I manage to go to doll meets and a few things that i truely enjoy that I can handle social interctions on the same level...yah no. I can't. I do the best I can every day and sometimes I can't. It is what it is.

 

[Aalo]

Yet another. I can deal with phone calls, and even manage them better than some neurotypicals do. Maybe just because I'm such a pain-in-the-ass-wise. I have been wondering how is it so easy for people to neglect the fact how much we still struggle beneath while managing to do something that's observed as normal. In a way it can be understood as act of comforting, like saying "cheer up, you're not that bad", but it still often feels like everyone is denying that we have a problem. Take away my right to have a problem and you basically just make me stupid and lazy.

 

[Arashi222]

So today I got a really good one you all might laugh at. I had one of my co-workers tell me that I couldn't have autism because I was too nice and smiled too much. Wow I didn't know frowning and being totally a heathen was prerequiste to being autistic. Damn someone should have told me.

 

[jawbonegroove]

i'm currently awaiting diagnosis and have been getting this from my whole family.

what really makes me angry though is that, when i put my ear to the ground (i don't maintain regular contact with most of my family, but i have spies everywhere), they're postulating about drugs, emotional trauma (granted, but irrelivent), brain injury (really?), obsene perfectionism, even simple laziness. and then they act offended when i don't keep in touch. no one really understands the concept of "i'm not slighting you, it's just that i'm not into your gossip/masquerade thing."

 

[SUM1]

So today I got a really good one you all might laugh at. I had one of my co-workers tell me that I couldn't have autism because I was too nice and smiled too much. Wow I didn't know frowning and being totally a heathen was prerequiste to being autistic. Damn someone should have told me.

Do you tell them this stuff? Do you make it clear in their face how STUPID they are?

People are stupid.

 

[Arashi222]

Do you tell them this stuff? Do you make it clear in their face how STUPID they are?

People are stupid.

Well this time it was kinda funny. But wasn't in their face about it but I did tell them that you can't tell someone is autistic just because they smile a lot or whatever. I just shake my head and usually laugh and say I didn't know that was prereq let me tell the guy who did my diagnosis. I try to make it light and not be too harsh. I think sometimes people don't know what to say when you tell them that they say really kinda inappropriate things.