Younger or older Relationships

[SL JediKnight]

This is a controversial subject somebody older dating someone much younger than you personally I don't see a problem with it I don't see a problem with a 16 year old dating a 21 year old because it ain't much of an age difference I personally don't see anything wrong with an 29 year old dating an 18 year old I believe as long as they love each other is all that matters and it's also a maturity thing I think you should both be mature enough for each other

 

[Progster]

No, I don't see a problem with an adult dating another adult where there is a significant age gap. I mean, it's their business and not anybody else's, the details they can work out amongst themselves and nobody has the right to judge or interfere. As long as the younger partner is of legal age and not a minor, of course.

 

[Sid Delicious]

In my family/friends circle it's pretty normal. Actually, now I think of it, my nextdoor neighbours have almost 30 years between them too. Although in most cases, you wouldn't have any idea unless you already knew the couple as they don't look a whole lot different. In the case of my neighbours the guy is an ex-athlete and in amazing shape in his late 60s.

People age at different rates depending on genetics and lifestyle - someone who has spent their entire life drinking, not exercising, eating junk, tanning, smoking, has genetics that make them go grey, bald, etc is going to look and feel at least a decade older at 60 than someone who has great genetics and takes good care of themselves. I've dated 50 year olds who look 30 and 30 year olds who look like they were nearing 50!

I think there's a general rule of half your age plus 7, which works. A 20 year old dating a 17 year old isn't a big deal. Or a 40 year old dating a 27 year old. A 40 year old dating a 17 year old would be though. The variation in maturity and life experience when you are that young makes the relationship unbalanced. And as far as I'm aware, that is the problem most people have with older people dating very young adults (even if they are legally allowed to). As you both get older, that becomes less of an issue.

 

[china autie]

In the USA, with the laws the way they are, we do have to be careful. A 22 year old dating a 17 year old can be charged with "statutory rape" if the younger person's parents or guardians object.

In the UK, the age of majority is 16, yes?

Unfortunately, I know a guy who went to prison for this. The teen involved told the guy that he was 18. [There was a drunken party involved too] The teen begged the guy and the guy believed that the teen was 18.

The teen turned out to be 16 and guy went to prison. Oh, and the guy had a Public Defender. [In the USA, a PD is a lawyer that the court provides to people who cannot pay for one. Some PDs are good and others not so much.

Do I personally see,
anything wrong with a 22 year old dating a 16 year old? No.

I was 17 and dated a 29 year old who was extremely respectful of me.

The exception to this are teachers, doctors, shrinks, counselors, and other professional helpers. They ought to keep their hands off the young people that they have a professional relationship with [and wait at least two years after termination of it]. And they should suffer severe legal consequences if they abuse the power of their unequal relationship in this manner.

 

[disconnected]

My close friend had a wife 20 years older.

 

[Tom]

I don't like the idea much of large age differences when one of the people is too young. But once people reach the 20's and beyond and are mature it can work sometimes. The main problem being the age difference will likely come into play in a negative way in a long term relationship as one will likely die long before the other.

 

[Pats]

In the USA, with the laws the way they are, we do have to be careful. A 22 year old dating a 17 year old can be charged with "statutory rape" if the younger person's parents or guardians object.

In the UK, the age of majority is 16, yes?

Unfortunately, I know a guy who went to prison for this. The teen involved told the guy that he was 18. [There was a drunken party involved too] The teen begged the guy and the guy believed that the teen was 18.

The teen turned out to be 16 and guy went to prison. Oh, and the guy had a Public Defender. [In the USA, a PD is a lawyer that the court provides to people who cannot pay for one. Some PDs are good and others not so much.

Do I personally see,
anything wrong with a 22 year old dating a 16 year old? No.

I was 17 and dated a 29 year old who was extremely respectful of me.

The exception to this are teachers, doctors, shrinks, counselors, and other professional helpers. They ought to keep their hands off the young people that they have a professional relationship with [and wait at least two years after termination of it]. And they should suffer severe legal consequences if they abuse the power of their unequal relationship in this manner.

And there is no statute of limitations on this matter. So, it's not so much the age, but messing around with a minor (under 18 here) could follow you the rest of your life. For your own welfare, if the person you feel to be the person you need in your life but they're a minor - wait. You don't want someone coming back in 20, 40 or 50 years to blackmail you for statutory rape.
Outside the legalities, I know very happy couples who have maybe 20 years difference in their age, but I do have to say that some circumstances when I see a 50 year old hanging around a bunch of 20 year olds I see it as a problem. I have a 45 year old nephew who always invited a bunch of very young girls on his boat and he'd complain that all girls were the same. Duhhhhh - maybe look elsewhere?

 

[RachelN]

I think that anyone under the age of 18 really shouldn't be dating someone that much older. It's not about age gap. It's about maturity.

Children are not mature enough to have sexual/romance relations with an adult. They don't make the same choices adults make.

That said, I am dating someone 10 years younger than me (I am 40. She is 30), I don't think it's a big deal.

 

[Bikutoso]

While I don't see any problems with age differences, I do think there should be some restrictions on age differences in the earliest years someone are allowed to be in a relationship (something like X years older then the youngest).

 

[Autistamatic]

I don't see any problem with it as long as both are adults but I'm happier with someone my own age. Mrs Autistamatic is only 3 years younger than me and because we grew up at the same time we share the same cultural references which makes communication easier.
Whatever floats yer boat

 

[Fino]

I don't think I would do it, the biggest gap for me has been about 5 years, but I don't care what others do.

 

[Autistamatic]

I went out with a couple of younger women a 19, a 20 and a 22yr when I was 34, shortly before I met my wife. We had fun and good times but I couldn't connect properly with any of them. The generational gap was too much. There's only so much explaining and informing one can do before it puts a strain on the relationship.

 

[Judge]

I'd think the most pressing matter is a simple one. The legal age of consent.

The rest is rather subjective depending on one's morals I suppose. I once had a girlfriend who was nine years older than I was. If it was an issue, it never came up between the two of us. However we were both consenting adults.

 

[Sid Delicious]

"The main problem being the age difference will likely come into play in a negative way in a long term relationship as one will likely die long before the other."

That's a good point. Although in my family, the women seem quite happy with other female friends in the last 10-20 years of their lives. They are taken care of financially (I imagine their husbands left pensions) and have younger family around them too (I should add that they all come from large families, so perhaps it's a bit different if you don't have that network around you). And, to be blunt, sex drives of (most, not all) older men and younger women tend to match up better over time. I remember my great aunt joking about this when I was younger and have heard it from other women too. Her husband was in his late 70s as she was finishing the menopause in her early 60s and that worked for them, as both lost their libidos around the same time. Obviously that isn't the same for everyone, but it's an issue I hear men complain about a LOT - wife hits menopause and sex disappears. Less of an issue with a younger partner.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I do think that maturity differences and power dynamics between couples with big enough age gaps can present problems in the relationship, though it really depends on the people involved. Even if the younger person is "mature for their age", there's still experience that they are lacking compared to the older person. There's also more potential for manipulative behavior.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

The most important detail is the legal age of consent, of course.

In addition to that, during teens and early 20s the brain is still developing, and short periods of time make a huge difference in maturity, so I would be dubious about age differences in relationships where one person is under 20. A 16 year old and a 21 year old may not be far apart in years but in mental maturity and life experience there is generally still a huge difference. There could also be a big difference is perceived authority, leaving the younger vulnerable to unintentional coercion. Later in life a mere 5 year difference is nothing at all, but to a teenager 5 years is a world of difference.

I think the rule of 7 is a pretty good rule of thumb. The youngest you should be dating is half your age plus 7 years.

 

[SusanLR]

One of my Uncle's married a woman 30 years older than himself and loved her so dearly that
when she died he tried to also.
He was an Aspie and had no children and few friends. They lived isolated with plenty of money.
Death of the older is the hard part.

I have only dated a few men in my life and all but one was much older than me.
Two were 15 years older, one was 10 and the one I felt closest to was 30 years older.
We got along better than anyone I had any relationships with.
Neither of us wanted to live together though.
The one that was only three years older, I got along with worst of all.

 

[Highway Cowboy]

This is a controversial subject somebody older dating someone much younger than you personally I don't see a problem with it I don't see a problem with a 16 year old dating a 21 year old because it ain't much of an age difference I personally don't see anything wrong with an 29 year old dating an 18 year old I believe as long as they love each other is all that matters and it's also a maturity thing I think you should both be mature enough for each other

There is absolutely no reason why as long as both parties are above the age of consent, a loving healthy relationship shouldn't be possible regardless of age.

Everybody is different and it seems that alot of younger ladies prefer to be around an older gentleman men of their own age are immature, irresponsible and don't treat them well. Older men tend to be more settled, responsible, reliable and will generally treat them much better

This is merely opinion and not based on any facts or statistics. Simply a general observation.

 

[dragstone]

I couldn't select an answer because it all depends on context. If one is younger or slightly older than the legal age of consent, then dating someone way younger isn't possible. In situations where both are adults, it's a little less clear. I do agree with the idea of minimizing the age gap, particularly when considering a partner under 25. This is because it isn't until around mid 20s that people begin to truly assess themselves and figure out what they want in life, including what to seek in a relationship.

Several generations ago, it wasn't unheard of to marry and settle down in the teenage years. Maturity had to happen much, much sooner back then. Today though, adolescence is extended into the 20s (and in some cases the 30s) given all of the conveniences now afforded to us in developed countries. That means that you're taking a big risk that a relationship will fail if dating anyone younger than the mid 20s. Late 20s and early 30s is much safer, if you're around the same age.

Now when considering gaps of 10 or more years, if around 40 or younger, I have doubts. There's a lot of change that can occur within 10 years now, in developed nations. Consider where we are now compared to a decade ago. Culture has shifted a lot, especially in the US. Technology has accelerated the pace of change considerably since the 80s. As a result, one generation has greater differences than the preceding one. It is more challenging to find similarities.. now even within ones own generation. Having less in common is problematic in long-term relationships.

So if I had a rulebook of sorts:

If around legal age of consent, very restricted and conditional.
If youngest around mid 20s-early 30s, 7 year gap at most.
If youngest around mid 30s-early 40s, 10 year gap at most.
If youngest around mid 40s and beyond, perhaps 15-20 years could work. Any more than that, even if a couple shared much in common, you risk the relationship being cut short and perhaps years of heartbreak to the youngest.

 

[SL JediKnight]

There is absolutely no reason why as long as both parties are above the age of consent, a loving healthy relationship shouldn't be possible regardless of age.

Everybody is different and it seems that alot of younger ladies prefer to be around an older gentleman men of their own age are immature, irresponsible and don't treat them well. Older men tend to be more settled, responsible, reliable and will generally treat them much better

This is merely opinion and not based on any facts or statistics. Simply a general observation.

Good point!