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Blog entries by Ambi
So.....my poor executive functioning and being overwhelmed with the new job have caught up with me. I had some unexpected things come up - medical appointments and car problems - and trying to juggle the new things into my schedule, I wound up late to work. I am new...so nobody had my number...
I had been seeing a doctor who was very nice, and the one with the highest reviews and most experience with my particular health condition. However, I am directionally challenged, and my GPS would go nuts trying to get me there. The area is unfamiliar to me and quite confusing with winding...
A very useful insight that has been helping me a lot at my new workplace is the realization that "it's not what I think", or "it's not what I think it's about". When people speak to me, or when I listen to them speaking to each other, realizing that the true purpose of what they are saying and...
I will never be "cool". Never have been. At our church, everyone is friendly. Within that over all friendly community, there are smaller groups of people who gravitate towards each other through commonality. Well, there is one group that's kind of "cool" I guess. They are in no way snobby...
Maybe my anxiety is also just a result of being disregulated.
I've been reading as much as I can about Aspergers in the workplace, and there's useful info on being disregulated and needing to be more intentional about trying to regulate oneself with smart routines. I used to hate routines in...
I used to try very hard to make my workspace seem like home, to reflect my personality and interests. It was an attempt to create a little safe haven nest at work, to try to escape/block out my surrounding situation (the workplace). It didn't help reduce my work anxiety. It may have made it...
It's not that I mind explaining things that have been asked. But in general, I don't like being boxed. I feel that once people know about my religion, they will not be as open and trusting in approaching me, that they have stereotypes and ideas of their own of how I "must" be, they censor...
Several months ago, I would have told you that any given moment I couldn't tell you what I was feeling. I couldn't access any sense of feeling anything in particular. Over the past 4 days, I have been able to access my feelings - and it's always some form of anxiety. I even wake up with it...
I'm so grateful for this site. I don't think I realized the importance of community, of a sense of belonging, until I found my tribe. At work, trying to navigate the NT world, trying to do my best socially, it helps me in a profound way to remember this community here as my tribe, to remember...
When I have been out and about or in the company of other people (other than my husband), my facial muscles feel so tense that my face feels almost like a hard mask. I've only recently realized my face is doing this - and I'm guessing this is why people think I look tense. Yesterday I noticed...
I've been watching videos of Aspies talking about dealing with life, work, all kinds of stuff. It is different from reading typed words - when I view people in action - and I mean when they "Aspie out", i.e. have no filter....it shows me in a mirror what I can be like. I relate to it - it's...
I've been watching/listening to videos and reading books on job prep for Aspies. I watched one short documentary on an Australian Aspie who is trying to get into the workforce. It was fun to watch, and there were just a few parts that made me cringe:
When the supervisor told him to "enjoy...
Some of the things I have collected are very useful in an unarguably practical sense - I can wear them, and I will need to wear them, and eventually will wear them all out. Other things were purely decorative, but made our home look nice, and my husband likes them all. But what I have felt...
This is my human suit, which I must don in order to interact with others. I'm hoping to learn to enjoy and utilize the human suit, just as I have learned to joy and utilize fashion. Ultimately, I don't want to suit to be a total falsehood (as it has been in the past, not to be a liar, but...
I'll be starting my new job in less than a week. My work history is very checkered, with lots of long gaps and jobs that seem to spiral down in terms of skill, and far "beneath" my qualifications. However, I've found that working requires a totally different skill set than studying, so I've...
There are so many things I want to do, that I feel I need to do - so many projects. But I guess I view myself in different roles with respect to those projects. And I am better at fully indulging in one at a time, but for many hours at a time, and there aren't enough hours in the...
I've had a number of acquaintances who homeschool their kids. Their kids all seemed very smart and well-adjusted, polite and confident - and above all, very practical. I admired them, I wish I had felt so grounded and practical as a child/teen. They were avoiding the potential pitfalls of...
Yesterday evening I attended a wedding reception. Though it was nice to see the bride and groom celebrating, and there were many attendees there whom I like and enjoy conversing it....it still drove home the fact that I'm not the greatest person for others to converse with. Well, I think I did...