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Blog entries by Voltaic
I hit a low in a rough patch. When I seriously started to consider suicide, I realized that this was absolutely stupid. As much as I love to brag about 'my acceptance of death' I am scared of the **** still. I stall at the end, waiting for something to happen that will finally get me to do it. I...
Is it me? or is it them? small question is stature, but not in the insurmountable amount of facts gathered on both sides. Too much in order to make a proper conclusion without it being grey. I guess that is just what life is, never a singular answer, always murky unknowing grey.
Is it me, or...
Just a thought. I need to feel suicidal to function. That doesn't make sense does it, well I am not a person of sense. I gave it some thought though, I think since then, I got a sense of what normally doesn't make sense.
If I think I am going to die in the next month, there are no...
I thought I would spare the chat room of more thoughts.
I am thinking of different cultures. People tend to forum groups. These groups grow, split, shrink and all the other stuff groups do. One group can turn into hundreds of little ones, and all these groups over time forum different...
I don't feel any better, I just feel in conflict. I know my possible life could be awesome, but I don't know If I can get there, and operate, even when i am living the dream. I have so much progress to make, and sitting at the bottom of this mountain, looking up and knowing I have to climb all...
I feel tired. It is a bit unordinary considering it is only one in the morning. Maybe I might get some good sleep. I just got up to turn off the light, letting the dim lamp at the end of the room light my way. Hopefuly the low amount of light can kick my circadian rhythm back into line...
What a night. crazy, crazy night. As you may have guessed, It wasn't a good type of night. my mind was in a pretty bad spot, and I got set off by something incredibly little. I wasn't doing good for the past two weeks, and all of that building emotional energy came collapsing in as the damn of...
I have nothing good to say today. I feel horrible. reality is kind of clashing in one me. I feel like I have lost, it is just over at this point. I was off my meds for the past two weeks, I have been back on them for the past few days. I know they help. I still don't want to take them. it's kind...
I bought a car 19 years ago. The thing is still running, barely. It ran well when I first bought it. There where a few things here and there that I didn't like, some things that I did. That is with any car though, you are never going to get it perfect, even if you spend the time and effort to...
I need to get a haircut. One of my friends dad has a salon in his basement were he makes a living. I am growing apart from this friend, and I am anxious to see him again. I have a good relationship with the dad, but the relationship with the friend is fleeting. I don't want to loose another...
it is relatively early in the day (3:40 am) and I am feeling relatively good in my stress free environment of my own bed in the middle of the night. I have a horrible sleeping pattern. As much as I like pattersn, my sleeping is as far from one as possible. This could be to internet addiction and...
These last few moths have been pretty good I have to say. I am making progress, making my appointments, taking my pills, keeping sane, just being a good boy. Two months without a large meltdown, kind of a new record in the recent past. All throughout I have been asking myself, When I am going to...