A full day of socializing exhausts me. I want to go home and be alone. I need to decompress and force my mind not to replay all the conversations and second-guess what I said or they said, or speculate about why they said what they said, etc.
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What are you like after a day of socialising?
- Thread starter Misty Avich
- Start date
Exhausted. My flying school had our annual dinner and awards ceremony last weekend. I run the business side of things, so I organised it. It all went well, nothing broke, everyone was happy with the food, blah blah. But an evening of being "hostess" and having to be "on" all the time was exhausting. It took all of Sunday and most of Monday for me to get back to normal.
My blood pressure will be elevated for about a week after.
I'm not arguing anything about your diagnosis. I can't possibly know anything about that, but I do find it very sad if you did not have any say in your diagnosis.
As you know, autism is a spectrum. There are some autistic people who can't stand being alone and crave being in a crowd. Some are very uncomfortable if they are not the life of the crowd. Perhaps those are not the majority, but it does occur. There are even some that must be experiencing a chaotic crisis in order to feel good.
I'm not arguing anything about your diagnosis. I can't possibly know anything about that, but I do find it very sad if you did not have any say in your diagnosis.
Everybody, NT or autistic, usually has to "mask" at least a little bit to fit into a given environment, like acting differently at work versus at home. But "autistic masking" tends to go a lot further - you are hiding a lot more of yourself and often also adopting behaviours that are not natural to you, to fit in.
However, autistic is just one part of who you are. Your post footer says you were diagnosed "PDD-NOS" as a child, plus ADHD. "PDD-NOS" was the label they used to give kids who met some of the criteria for autism or Asperger's Syndrome but not all. Now it's been folded into the autism diagnosis, but I would expect most people who were diagnosed PDD-NOS as children to be at the higher-functioning/Level-1 end of the autism spectrum (because otherwise they would have been given Asperger's/autism originally, not PDD-NOS). So, fewer noticeable autistic traits, but not zero.
Social exhaustion, I think, might be strongly related to the amount of masking that you do - having to "do social" and pretend to be someone you're not at the same time is more exhausting than just "doing social" alone. If you don't mask, then it's not surprising that being social isn't as exhausting is it might be for someone who does more masking.
It's also probably related to how much you just... like being with people. I'm not, in any way, a sociable person. And I think if I subtracted the autistic-ness (difficult to do), I still wouldn't be exactly a party animal.
One thing to think about would be, given you're a people person, how many times does something come out of your mouth that surprises/offends/shocks/embarrasses people - or just makes them look at you funny? And is that more or less than usual for a neurotypical person?
Your self-description reminds me of someone I know who has just received (as an adult) a diagnosis of ADHD "with autistic traits". She's the life and soul of the party, and the only person I know who has dared to come to work with pink hair. Even her background on Teams for remote meetings is wacky. (Or maybe "hyper" and "goofy" would be better words?
)So I wouldn't worry that you're somehow "doing autism wrong". It's a wide spectrum and it can turn out to look a lot different from the stereotypes when you mix it up with people's different personalities and other issues such as ADHD.
I realized yesterday that if I am not interested in a particular conversation, then it does drain me rather than energizing me. In my case though, I can get over the drained feeling simply by doing something I enjoy or getting into a conversation about something I find interesting. Meanwhile as already discussed, getting to discuss topics I find interesting gets me really energized.
I’m usually “trashed” the following day. It might even take me 2 days to recover.
I feel I do this to a certain extent at large social gatherings but it still doesn't seem to exhaust me or anything. But being naturally social it doesn't take much effort to be interested in people and want to talk to them.
I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome but when I was a bit older I was told by another professional I have PDD-NOS for some reason, and I do feel that describes me better so I just go by that.
I've never been a party animal as such but I do like attending social gatherings if invited. My problem is social anxiety though, because if I went to a nightclub or something I'd feel like a fish out of water because of feeling like younger girls are looking at me and noticing my awkwardness. I just don't like the type of people that go clubbing and I find clubbing immature anyway, even when I was younger.
While I'm not brutally honest by a long shot I do sometimes blurt out things before thinking, which I immediately regret, sometimes before I've finished saying it. Then I go home and worry about what I said. But my social blunders seem more ADHD impulsivity and distractibility than the typical autism honesty. I've already posted about the blunder I made with the pram in this thread, that might give a good example of stupid things I can do in social situations.
LolYour self-description reminds me of someone I know who has just received (as an adult) a diagnosis of ADHD "with autistic traits". She's the life and soul of the party, and the only person I know who has dared to come to work with pink hair. Even her background on Teams for remote meetings is wacky. (Or maybe "hyper" and "goofy" would be better words?
I'm not really the life and soul of the party, as I can be shy and I don't talk very loud. But I am engaging in my body language and find it easy to be friendly and approachable.
It just feels that it's normal for autistic people to be different people once they get back home - different people to what they were when socialising that is. Like some might go mute and not feel like talking to whoever lives with them, while others might need to pace and stim, while others might even be prone to a meltdown if triggered by small things. I've never had any of that. I only have meltdowns when stressed, which come on as quickly as they go, like sudden outbursts of anger that is fully expressed verbally to whoever's around me (family, partner, work colleagues, etc). At social gatherings there's nothing to trigger a meltdown for me. I get meltdowns at stress like at work when I'm being bossed around, a completely different context to social gatherings.
Good point. I think that was often a major consideration in having to mingle with people on social occasions based on work and little else. To get off the beaten path of insurance and talk about something lighter was always welcome.
Reminds me of the ending of the film "War Games".In real life?
I wouldn't know.
I don't socialise in RL.
I prefer emotional stability.
When the computer says "The best way to win is not to play the game!"
Sometimes it works...
I am an odd Aspie. That is why I believe we should bring back severity labels. There are the NT-Aspies like myself that exists and don't fit any description of autism yet somehow are on the spectrum.
I guess NTs can feel social exhaustion too then. Are you an introvert?
I ignore the de-commissioning of the levels.I am an odd Aspie. That is why I believe we should bring back severity labels. There are the NT-Aspies like myself that exists and don't fit any description of autism yet somehow are on the spectrum.
I suspect the motives involved, and if I am correct, they are anti-intellectual and intentionally deceptive in nature.
I will always call myself an Aspie. <pout>
I wouldn't call myself an introvert. I like people, I'm pretty good (I think) at being able to talk to just about anyone regardless of who they are or their background and socializing, but having to do it for long periods of time becomes exhausting. I've been described as one of those people who never meet a stranger because I can and do talk to virtually anyone.
NTs definitely feel social exhaustion. I think that in general, NTs and NDs all experience the same emotions, but some things are much more intense and heightened for the ND population.
I don't really feel social exhaustion, and I'd know what social exhaustion is because I feel all emotions rather deeply and I'm aware of all emotions that I feel (I don't have alexithymia at all). I'm still just myself when I come away from a social gathering, though I'm obviously more loud and annoying at home but that isn't because of social exhaustion.
I find it difficult to speak to strangers. If a stranger is friendly then I smile and engage but I'm not the sort to chat away. At the hairdressers I don't chat much unless spoken to, but that's because I'm relaxing (having my hair cut is like a sensory pleasure).
I find it difficult to speak to strangers. If a stranger is friendly then I smile and engage but I'm not the sort to chat away. At the hairdressers I don't chat much unless spoken to, but that's because I'm relaxing (having my hair cut is like a sensory pleasure).
But what is the difference between autistic social exhaustion and NT social exhaustion?
There probably is no significant difference other than, perhaps, severity and how long it takes to recover from it.
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