Bridge Story

[RemyZee]

I have one friend who we enjoy each other's company and have good discussions. She asked me to spend her birthday with her, go out to eat and see a theatre show. What happened? I have some issues with proprioception, and I don't drive on highways or bridges because I get vertigo. I'm fine driving around my town, back and forth, but when the landscape is spread out I get really dizzy and it's gotten moreso as I've gotten older. On top of that, it is almost impossible to drive on bridges. Something about the open spaces and movement....makes my head spin. On our way out of my friend's apartment on the way to the show, I asked her if I could follow her in my car, but she disappeared on the way and I took the wrong turn, and wound up on a highway with a bridge that looks like it goes straight up to the sky. I panicked and honestly thought if I tried to get across that bridge, I might pass out--it was such a huge fear, and so just as I was approaching the bridge, some cones were making the road go from 2 lanes to 1. I pulled over next to the cones, and literally got out of my car to go stand in the median while people honked and whizzed by, because I thought I'd pass out if I did try to cross it. I called the police. They sent two officers out , and one drove my car over the bridge for me. It was truly terrifying, but one of those moments when I do not in any way like being autistic--I do think it's because of autism. I have always had "two left feet" and tend to run into things, fall down, and drop plates at random. It's like the different parts of me don't go together. But I never made it to meet my friend. When I told her about what happened, she basically said I should get over it, and that I shouldn't let it get in the way of things I want to do, that she was hurt that I missed going with her to the show. I felt so bad. But I can't get over it! For my whole life, I have run into doors, walls, and other people because I have a weird relationship with space, but she let me know that she thought I wasn't reliable, or that it was mental, and that I should try therapy for it....it's not mental but physical--but for years people have said it's in my mind and I should get over it. Now I am thinking about trying to go over the bridge again, that maybe if I just drive there a few times it would be easier. Because it does get in the way of doing things I want to. I live near the beach, love going to the water, but can't get there because of the bridges!

 

[tlc]

It's a legit thing and nothing to be ashamed of. The Mackinac Bridge offers a service to drive people across who are afraid to do so. $10, park at the end and call them, and they will come and help you 24/7. I've known quite a few people personally who were afraid to drive across.

 

[Darhom]

Well that doesn’t sound like a very understanding friend! Maybe they were disappointed that you couldn’t make it but they shouldn’t have blamed you like that. I think you dealt with the situation well.

 

[Outdated]

Many years ago now, I had just moved down to Melbourne and out of the blue on a Friday afternoon I got a phone call from my sister - she wanted to know when I was going skiing next. I told her that it just so happened that I was going to have an early night and head up there in the early hours of the morning. "Beaut!" she says, "You can take my kids with you. I'll drop them off in about an hour."

Instead of my usual haunts I decided to take the girls to Mount Buller, I thought it would be a nicer experience for them. At Mount Buller the car park is across the other side of the valley from the resort and you catch a chair lift across. As soon as our feet left the ground the 7 year old went stiff as a board and started screaming, I had to hang on to her all the way across as she was in real danger of slipping out of the chair.

Other than that we had a really great day out, and of course we had to take the chair lift again to get back to the car. When we finally got back home I asked my sister why she didn't tell me that the kid was scared of heights. She said "How the hell would I know? I'm scared of heights, I've never taken her anywhere where I could find that out.".

 

[RemyZee]

Reminds me of my niece when she was around 7. My brother and I took her to the carnival, and she wanted to go on one of those twisty turny tea-cup looking things that went fast and would spin you around. We kept telling her it was too scary for her, but she insisted she wanted to go. As soon as the cars started spinning, she broke into a scream, turned stiff, and we had to hold onto her to keep her from jumping out. We felt so bad. She still jokes with us that we traumatized her.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

RemyZee, that sounds like a terrible experience. I’m not afraid of bridges, but your description of the fear you had certainly feels familiar.

You handled it so well. I’m impressed. Also impressed by your desire to get over the fear. Desensitization can work. I wish you success.

 

[SusanLR]

I've had the same feeling about going over bridges all my life and I'm 68.
It never got better despite making myself drive over them or really having the need to. My throat tightens up and I feel I am going to choke. Hard to breath too.

We have the Sunshine Skyway bridge here. I'll never drive over that one.
I knew someone else that wouldn't drive it either. He would go around the bay to avoid it if he needed to go to the south of it. Two hours out of the way.

 

[Rodafina]

Sorry to hear about your troubling experience and your friend’s reaction.

Now I am thinking about trying to go over the bridge again, that maybe if I just drive there a few times it would be easier.

If you do try this, maybe it would be helpful to do so incrementally. Like trying a small bridge with someone else in the car a few times first. Or even try walking over a bridge to learn what may help with the dizzy feeling.

Maybe there is something unconventional you can do with where your eyes are focused or how you hold your head. I’ve read about people using acupressure to help with nausea or dizziness.

If you can’t find something to control the dizziness though, I think you are wise to avoid driving on bridges. Knowing our limits despite our best efforts is a healthy thing and if that hurts some people’s feelings, too bad for them.

 

[Shamar]

I have one friend who we enjoy each other's company and have good discussions. She asked me to spend her birthday with her, go out to eat and see a theatre show. What happened? I have some issues with proprioception, and I don't drive on highways or bridges because I get vertigo. I'm fine driving around my town, back and forth, but when the landscape is spread out I get really dizzy and it's gotten moreso as I've gotten older. On top of that, it is almost impossible to drive on bridges. Something about the open spaces and movement....makes my head spin. On our way out of my friend's apartment on the way to the show, I asked her if I could follow her in my car, but she disappeared on the way and I took the wrong turn, and wound up on a highway with a bridge that looks like it goes straight up to the sky. I panicked and honestly thought if I tried to get across that bridge, I might pass out--it was such a huge fear, and so just as I was approaching the bridge, some cones were making the road go from 2 lanes to 1. I pulled over next to the cones, and literally got out of my car to go stand in the median while people honked and whizzed by, because I thought I'd pass out if I did try to cross it. I called the police. They sent two officers out , and one drove my car over the bridge for me. It was truly terrifying, but one of those moments when I do not in any way like being autistic--I do think it's because of autism. I have always had "two left feet" and tend to run into things, fall down, and drop plates at random. It's like the different parts of me don't go together. But I never made it to meet my friend. When I told her about what happened, she basically said I should get over it, and that I shouldn't let it get in the way of things I want to do, that she was hurt that I missed going with her to the show. I felt so bad. But I can't get over it! For my whole life, I have run into doors, walls, and other people because I have a weird relationship with space, but she let me know that she thought I wasn't reliable, or that it was mental, and that I should try therapy for it....it's not mental but physical--but for years people have said it's in my mind and I should get over it. Now I am thinking about trying to go over the bridge again, that maybe if I just drive there a few times it would be easier. Because it does get in the way of doing things I want to. I live near the beach, love going to the water, but can't get there because of the bridges!

One time in Sydney, we were driving at the wrong time. We were on a road that suddenly widened to five lanes and traffic closed in. We were unable to change lanes and totally helpless, with no idea where we were going. All we could do is go along with the flow. We then found ourselves being flushed across the Sydney Harbor Bridge by the traffic. We had to keep going until the traffic fanned out and thinned enough for us to get loose, and we could stop and figure out where we were. I have stayed well away from that bridge ever since.

 

[Mary Terry]

One time in Sydney, we were driving at the wrong time. We were on a road that suddenly widened to five lanes and traffic closed in. We were unable to change lanes and totally helpless, with no idea where we were going. All we could do is go along with the flow. We then found ourselves being flushed across the Sydney Harbor Bridge by the traffic. We had to keep going until the traffic fanned out and thinned enough for us to get loose, and we could stop and figure out where we were. I have stayed well away from that bridge ever since.

I don't have a problem with bridges but that happened to me one time in New Orleans. Traffic was so heavy that I couldn't merge to the right lane in time to exit the freeway before entering the bridge that goes over the Mississippi River. I went across the bridge, had to turn around, and come back across the bridge to get to my destination.

I don't like driving through long tunnels, though. They make me feel claustrophobic. I hate the tunnel that goes under the Mobile River in Mobile, Alabama. A new bridge has been built across the river and Mobile Bay which I'll use the next time I have to drive through Mobile.

 

[Outdated]

We were unable to change lanes and totally helpless, with no idea where we were going. All we could do is go along with the flow.

I had the same problem just a few years back, flew to Brisbane and hired a car to head out to the north west. Almost none of their roads head in straight lines and it's very confusing when you've never been there before. I think I circumnavigated half the city before I managed to find a way out in the direction I wanted.

I had a scary episode many years ago though. I had just moved down to Melbourne 3 months before, I had just knocked off work for the day and was in traffic headed home. I suffered a memory loss. All of a sudden I had no idea who I was or where I was or what I was supposed to be doing.

I was in the driver's seat of a car that I didn't recognise, and I was waiting at a set of traffic lights for the turn right signal to turn green, and I had no idea what city I was in. That was the sum total of all my knowledge. My indicators were on and I was obviously meant to be turning right so when the lights changed I did, from there I just kept heading in the same direction stuck in the flow of peak hour traffic.

It wasn't until about 20 minutes later that I stumbled on to and recognised the Westgate Bridge, an obvious landmark. From there all the rest of my memory started flowing back in. It never happened to me again thankfully, it was a frightening experience.

 

[tlc]

For some reason I don’t have a fear in the world about the Mackinac Bridge. Driving or walking across. Maybe because I’ve studied it since I was little. Maybe because the guy who designed it took lessons from many other failed bridges and went above and beyond to make sure this one was safe.

But I’m terrified of just about anything else to do with heights. A balcony, roof, loft, ski lift, elevator or even a high floor in a building, aircraft.

I also don’t do well driving in cities, or fast moving freeways where there is no place to pull over and reorient myself. One main reason for living in a rural area.

 

[RemyZee]

RemyZee, that sounds like a terrible experience. I’m not afraid of bridges, but your description of the fear you had certainly feels familiar.

You handled it so well. I’m impressed. Also impressed by your desire to get over the fear. Desensitization can work. I wish you success.

Thank you so much for saying that. All in all I acted calmly even though i didn't feel calm, got through it and realize it's OK to Not be able to do certain things.