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Irakus34

Irakus34

Just someone else in this world. 24
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  • Irakus34
    I've been paid my first ever salary and my coworker was so happy, but I felt nothing.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    Withdraw all the money from the bank in cold, hard currency. Then at least you'll feel the cash in your hands.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Raggamuffin I did that and it was worse because I knew all that money is for paying bills. Lol.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    Need to deposit what is needed for bills and then keep the rest to hand. I find it helps reduce impulsive spending when you can visualise in physical terms what money you have left.
    Irakus34
    My appointment with a psychiatrist has been cancelled because she doesn't treat members of the same family (it's my sister's psychiatrist). I suddenly felt hopeless. I'm about to give up on being diagnosed. I seriously doubt someone will ever believe me.
    tree
    tree
    Couldn't that psychiatrist refer you to another psychiatrist?
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @tree yes, that's what my sister did, asking her for another option. But I'm not sure anymore.
    Irakus34
    Today is that day when I truly feel everyone hates me, I bother them all and they want me away. I want to go home and be alone.
    Irakus34
    Sometimes, my patients hug me because they feel bad, cuddly or they like hugs. But sometimes, I do feel they are healing me instead of me healing them.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    That's how Aloe came to be. When my therapist and I were talking about how I didn't really have many friends growing up, I explained that it included one that was really close to me. So she took me on a guided meditation to a celestial ocean and that's where I thought up a friend with the appearance of a betta fish my grandma had.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Now of course, Aloe treats psychological difficulties using hypnotherapy, as opposed to more "traditional" means of treatment, but this is because she believes traditional medication doesn't reach the core of the problems a person with Autism, for example, deals with, and she's actually drawn to people with Autism to begin with.
    Irakus34
    Now I know why I felt nothing when I saw I was admitted. It seems the academy is a very religious place (I'm agnostic) where I MUST follow their religious path to be able to study there. Place which doesn't accept any mental illness or learning difficulty. Obviously I'm going to decline it. My social anxiety can't handle that.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    That's so weird that they don't accept differences and claim they are religious. Where i live, it's the opposite, religious people are a lot more accepting of people with disabilities/mental illnesses
    Irakus34
    I got into a very good academy for nursery and when I saw my name on the list, I felt nothing. What's more, I'm more worried about my friend who's missing in the list.
    Irakus34
    These days I decided to dive into the South Korean group Hoppipolla and completely got obsessed. I spent hours watching their performances and learned all their trivia in just a day. But also, yesterday I started the survival show where they come from and I remained awake until 3 am, neglecting my sleep, my cats' routine and food just for watching it. And I guess that's how I will spend my weekend.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    This is me whenever i get obsessed with a band also. I don't know much about korean rock/indie bands but i am curious.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @AprilR I truly recommend Hoppipolla because their way of composing is truly astonishing. Not rock and indie either, not sure how to define their songs. More like ballads(?) Still superb.
    Irakus34
    I'm obsessed with the following quote:: <History is only written by the victor>.
    Judge
    Judge
    Reichmarschall Hermann Göring would agree. Whereupon being indicted and prosecuted for war crimes, he stated:

    “The victor will always be the judge, the vanquished the accused.”
    Irakus34
    Since the update, I can't watch (or maybe I don't know how) the comments in my blog posts. Can anyone help?
    Irakus34
    I dreamed about hugging my best friend who I haven't talked/seen for months and I do miss her. I want her back in my life.
    View previous comments…
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    I sent her a message. I don't expect reply, but I wished her the best and with that I'm happy.
    Homulilly
    Homulilly
    Gotta be honest, this boyfriend sounds problematic…
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Homulilly for real. You have no idea how many serious problems she has faced since he's in her life.
    Irakus34
    I am Top 1% in Cytus II world ranking and I guess it's the biggest achievement I've got in my whole life lol
    Irakus34
    I'm proud of myself. Once again. I am proud of myself.
    View previous comments…
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Stuttermabolur I tried my best in all I could do and actually it worked and I got through it without any major burnout o/
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    Great to hear! It sounded like you were under a lot of stress in your blog post, so it's good that things have gone well recently. You can be well proud of yourself as that work sounded really difficult.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Stuttermabolur I was for real. Everything seemed as swallowing me at that time, but somehow I could manage all of it and things finally worked out. My work is pretty hard and tiring but seriously rewarding, so right now I'm deeply satisfied with being there though my autistic traits can be challenging sometimes. Thank you for your concern <3
    Irakus34
    Hard work is usually rewarded, right? Then, someone helps me not to lose faith.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    Literally this was written and I was asked how I was doing. Fate I guess.
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    I guess it depends on what you are working on, and why. I don't believe in providence. I think people are rewarded when someone rewards them (or they find the act rewarding), but the act itself doesn't call for a reward even if it would be fair.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Stuttermabolur It's just like a vague attempt to keep positive. Like when you work hard and get a job in the end. When my brain only wants to destroy any possibility of keeping up, I guess my trick is to think like that.
    Irakus34
    First day of work and people are nice, users are nice, but my energy is completely drained. Heat wave isn't helping.
    Irakus34
    I've watched Heartstopper in just an evening and my pride has bursted into joy and happiness.
    Irakus34
    I feel so toxic sometimes I leant how to live by myself, in case, one day, my worst nightmare of being alone in this world will become true.
    Irakus34
    In the last 6 months, I've composed 7 songs for piano and still I have no idea if any of them are worth it. The 8th is hell to finish.
    W
    Wolfnox
    Keep at it. Best work is ahead of you. Remember to take breaks.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Wolfy Smurf Thank you~ I do take more breaks than what I actually practice lol.
    Irakus34
    I live while showing a mask because I'm perfectly aware no one would ever love me without it. And that hurts.
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