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Sometimes part of the *gaslighting * involves being nice one day and not nice the next day. This is actually called constant chaos because you never know what to expect and as a result you fall into learned helplessness which took me awhile to figure out. Often with gaslighting, more then one person will target you.
To me this is serious! I would stop going into denial and start getting hold of your family and get a plane ticket out. Also can you access your passport? If you have zero access to important documents and money, this is a serious attempt to manipulate you. And you will have to sneak around to finally leave. But at all times you should act like everything is fine. You also need a plan B. I speak from experience.
A good therapist well versed in domestic violence should help your situation, clearly you are at the threshold of decision as to stay or go. very good luck. I cant watch any longer.I do have a passport.
I'm just confused. I'm thinking maybe he just have a bad temper where anything I say annoy him.
When I ask him something, instead of answering he just say dont worry. But many times I dont feel like I did worry, I just wanted to know.
When I try to explain why i acted a certain way he say I make excuses all the time and wouldn't take what I say seriously.
Anytime I bring up something that is true, a fact, he say i read too much and that I'm too concerned and he dismiss it.
When I was feeling sad a lot he started yelling at me telling me that he need to yell at me to make me tougher. I snapped once yelling back that hes my worst bully and his response was to bring up things I did in the past that offended his mother like me running off, to justify his yelling. Then he tell me he compares me to his mother.
He told me that too that he compares me to her when I started getting overwhelmed by being in the mall, and I wanted to leave because I felt like going crazy by all the sound.
He started getting on me telling me I'm too sensitive and his mother is not like this, that I seem to be weaker than the average female....
A good therapist well versed in domestic violence should help your situation
That's a contradiction.
A good therapist would not work with a couple, one of whom is abusive. What a good therapist would encourage is that the 'victim' of the abuse enters into therapy in order to work on improving their self esteem/self worth with the aim of ending the relationship.
An abuser could enter into some sort of therapy programme, usually group therapy, available to perpetrators of domestic abuse, but unsurprisingly often not that well populated or adhered to if the perpetrator actually bothers to register.
you may have misunderstood me, I wasnt saying a good therapist would work with the couple.
I do have a passport.
I don't want to divorce as it goes against my religious beliefs, separation could be a choice though but I'm not at that point yet.
Somedays things are good between us. That gives me some hope.
I have not said much to my family, but today I told my mother. She said she will keep calling me everyday, and before I left my country she said if anything happens, my family will raise money to get me back.
I do think that is when the husband already has the habit of physical violence.Just a quick note....It’s super important to be careful about advising someone to leave an abusive relationship. Leaving may trigger the abuser to desperation and more extreme control and abuse. In domestic violence situations the abused is coached through the steps of a safety plan. Our hearts bleed for victims and we want to fix the problem immediately however gathering possessions and papers, where to live, having a safe house in case the abuser becomes violent, how to support oneself after leaving (financial stress often sends one right back to the abuser and things get worse) etc., it takes careful planning to leave a nut job so the victim doesn’t get hurt.
you are on my mind and heart
I don't think a lot of men have any clue how abusive a good deal of men are.
My friend and l were helping a female who was in distress from her boyfriend, trying to get her away, and she turned on us and tried to hit us.