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30+ and now getting diagnosed

Gerald Wilgus said:
Welcome @DystopiaIncognito . Would mental age count as this geezer is starting to get crispy around the edges. If the diagnosis would help you come to terms with, and let you understand your loneliness, more power to you. I was not diagnosed until 60 and had to face changing myself to relieve my loneliness, by myself, not knowing I am ASD. The understanding of my behavior is well past making much difference, but I still deal with PTSD from that part of my life.
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I'm sorry it took this long for you. It's kinda nice there's people here of all ages, quite refreshing. Care to share your experiences maybe, have you always noticed something was different about you and/or your life?
 
Thinx said:
Hi and welcome, I hope that you enjoy it here. Perhaps you will post more about your ideas and views on threads here, and I hope you will feel less isolated through being here. Isolation certainly goes with the territory of autism. For how to mix? And how to get what we want from any social encounter? We are different in our social behaviours and understandings, and it can make life hard at times. It's good that you are here.

:strawberry::cherries::tomato::tangerine::cherries::strawberry:
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Thank you for your welcoming reply. Yeah, the issue is that I keep myself in isolation and I'm not yet sure how to be better and open up to actually living instead of surviving. Would you per chance know of a thread that concerns itself with this specific topic?

Kind regards!
 
DystopiaIncognito said:
Thank you for your welcoming reply. Yeah, the issue is that I keep myself in isolation and I'm not yet sure how to be better and open up to actually living instead of surviving. Would you per chance know of a thread that concerns itself with this specific topic?

Kind regards!
Click to expand...

I will meet you there! I need that, too. Sometimes members’ suggestions seem better than what I find on my own.

I think it’s really cool how you responded to everyone so thoughtfully. Your interests sound of supreme interest!

OK, if you are honest that you are not looking for validation of uniqueness here, then I will add that I sign every email with kind regards, and I love that saying very much.
 
DystopiaIncognito said:
I'm sorry it took this long for you. It's kinda nice there's people here of all ages, quite refreshing. Care to share your experiences maybe, have you always noticed something was different about you and/or your life?
Click to expand...
Well, I knew I was different. I could understand relationships and complexities that others struggled with and in first grade could understand probabilities. Once puberty hit and things turned social with my peers, I was at sea. Many times before that I felt rejected in small and large ways and developed social anxiety and a fear of rejection. Hence I did not participate socially. I remained pretty well socially isolated and, because of my intelligence, people thought it was a choice.

I was never in any relationship and then guys would regale me with their sexual experiences. I felt damaged and broken. Some in my family would ask me if I was homosexual. I had normal desires with no clue how to have such needs met. Of course help was never offered and my loneliness was painful.

Things started getting better once out of grad school and in my first research position. I was sorta adopted by an old time hippie couple and for once I felt accepted. That is when I started reading about social signaling and also devoured self help books. Research going well, i started some low key dating. Finally, I met my future spouse, and that is a story in itself. Everything was pretty good until age and other things reminded me of the social and sexual isolation I experienced. Anger that I suppressed for the longest time came to the fore and I am now dealing with feelings of never being desired (stupid, I know, but my mind has its biases.)
 
DystopiaIncognito said:
Maybe if you want, you could tell me a little of your journey. I'm quite interested to what your experiences have been from suspecting something to self-acceptence.
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My journey might be a bit different from most, but them again maybe not. I knew from the point of organized thought and cognition (possibly around 6 years old as I was assessed by a friend of my parents who worked as a youth counselor for the local police, and he told my mother that I had the reasoning powers of an adult at that young age) that I was not of this earth. At least that is how I thought of myself. I used to stare out the window from my bed at night, looking up at the stars, thinking I must have been placed here by some alien race.

Given the era I was born and the lack of understanding of HFA, I never got any other opinion than what I just mentioned. I settled into unconsciously masking, creating a solid persona for any occasion or group and they were all tailored to the situation. I had no idea I was on the spectrum and went about learning and maturing on my own.

In this manner I navigated my way through the occasional bout of depression and anxiety without ever letting on to anyone. I became a private person, speaking little unless spoken to. I loathed having my photo taken and any that exist from my youth past the age of 8 I am either looking down and away or exhibiting a death stare as I tried to mentally fog the film.

I finally got a diagnosis when someone suggested, in my forties, that I might have Asperger's. It was news to me. Ultimately, I sought a confirming diagnosis and that saved me from a possible firing at my last job when I let my words offend someone although there was no intent on my part to do so. That came from a place where I just had had enough of others not seeing the larger picture at my workplace. My bad, but the fact that I was Autistic afforded me some protection and I only received a warning. However, my knowing meant little to me as I have always navigated through life to the beat of my own marching band.

I learned to read very early, and my Grandparents had many books in their library. I particularly remember "The Water Babies" and a few pop-ups and illustrated OZ books. Naturally, as I got older, I graduated first to comic books (DC as Marvel did not exist yet), then Science Fiction and books in general, amplified and expanded by my high school senior English teacher. I literally have a ton of books now, many of them autographed by the author.

I can also say the same thing about movies and vinyl records. I have so much that I am wondering what to do with them all as I approach the end of life. I do not mean that in any negative way, it is just that I have so many rare books (like a first edition hardcover of Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon, which had a very small print run in hardcover thanks to a simultaneous oversize paperback printing).

I share a fair number of the same interests as you and I think we are not so different in many respects. I could write much more here as I am happy to share anything from my life, but I always try to check myself in case I might tip over into droning boredom.

If you wish to know more or share, send me a private message and I will respond.

[I somehow posted this before I finished my thoughts, so if you read the truncated version and moved on, my apologies]
 
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DystopiaIncognito said:
Thank you for your welcoming reply. Yeah, the issue is that I keep myself in isolation and I'm not yet sure how to be better and open up to actually living instead of surviving. Would you per chance know of a thread that concerns itself with this specific topic?

Kind regards!
Click to expand...

Per chance I just may be able to direct you to mods who can find such threads, @tree @Nitro for example. Or you can search key words, like, isolation, or making friends. We tend to lack some areas of intuition that guide NTs in this, and we are often looking for more depth, whilst this is often misunderstood or not wanted by many, I think.
 
Rodafina said:
I will meet you there! I need that, too. Sometimes members’ suggestions seem better than what I find on my own.

I think it’s really cool how you responded to everyone so thoughtfully. Your interests sound of supreme interest!

OK, if you are honest that you are not looking for validation of uniqueness here, then I will add that I sign every email with kind regards, and I love that saying very much.
Click to expand...

Ahh maybe this could be a little adventure through the forums then, like a special mission. :D Thank you btw, I try to make sure people get heard. I know how it feels to be completely ignored and I don't wish that on anybody. Love the coincidence in communication styles, btw.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
Well, I knew I was different. I could understand relationships and complexities that others struggled with and in first grade could understand probabilities. Once puberty hit and things turned social with my peers, I was at sea. Many times before that I felt rejected in small and large ways and developed social anxiety and a fear of rejection. Hence I did not participate socially. I remained pretty well socially isolated and, because of my intelligence, people thought it was a choice.

I was never in any relationship and then guys would regale me with their sexual experiences. I felt damaged and broken. Some in my family would ask me if I was homosexual. I had normal desires with no clue how to have such needs met. Of course help was never offered and my loneliness was painful.

Things started getting better once out of grad school and in my first research position. I was sorta adopted by an old time hippie couple and for once I felt accepted. That is when I started reading about social signaling and also devoured self help books. Research going well, i started some low key dating. Finally, I met my future spouse, and that is a story in itself. Everything was pretty good until age and other things reminded me of the social and sexual isolation I experienced. Anger that I suppressed for the longest time came to the fore and I am now dealing with feelings of never being desired (stupid, I know, but my mind has its biases.)
Click to expand...

This is very relatable, I had nothing in common with any of my peers and/or especially girls of my own age. I simply did not know how to connect, how to even start conversations and for years I was a voluntarily mute. I think it's easier for women to get into a relationship, which I of course did multiple times but knowing how things should go - which I did get and read about frequently, as I still do - is sadly not the solution when there are two Captains aboard your (relation)ship, so to speak.

Every single relationship didn't last past the 2 to 3-year mark and friendships came and went because somehow people just keep falling out of like with me for reasons I cannot explain since to me it seems like they do not take the time to enlighten me. Or maybe I'm just not hearing it or picking up the right signals.

A male friend of mine who's autistic is going through something similar, he's around the age of 27 and just doesn't know or doesn't feel comfortable letting people close, also because he fears he cannot give them what they want. Not sure if that's something you might relate to.
I think knowing is not the end-all-be-all and I feel like it takes a lot of time and reflection to jump from the realisation to the right action if that makes sense.

I wish I had some sort of good advice but sadly I do not, I just hope that community will help you to not feel alone in this and come to terms that people might not all walk the same paths in life but that it's your life and your journey and that struggle might strengthen you in ways others might never experience.
 
Richelle-H said:
My journey might be a bit different from most, but them again maybe not. I knew from the point of organized thought and cognition (possibly around 6 years old as I was assessed by a friend of my parents who worked as a youth counselor for the local police, and he told my mother that I had the reasoning powers of an adult at that young age) that I was not of this earth. At least that is how I thought of myself. I used to stare out the window from my bed at night, looking up at the stars, thinking I must have been placed here by some alien race.

Given the era I was born and the lack of understanding of HFA, I never got any other opinion than what I just mentioned. I settled into unconsciously masking, creating a solid persona for any occasion or group and they were all tailored to the situation. I had no idea I was on the spectrum and went about learning and maturing on my own.

In this manner I navigated my way through the occasional bout of depression and anxiety without ever letting on to anyone. I became a private person, speaking little unless spoken to. I loathed having my photo taken and any that exist from my youth past the age of 8 I am either looking down and away or exhibiting a death stare as I tried to mentally fog the film.

I finally got a diagnosis when someone suggested, in my forties, that I might have Asperger's. It was news to me. Ultimately, I sought a confirming diagnosis and that saved me from a possible firing at my last job when I let my words offend someone although there was no intent on my part to do so. That came from a place where I just had had enough of others not seeing the larger picture at my workplace. My bad, but the fact that I was Autistic afforded me some protection and I only received a warning. However, my knowing meant little to me as I have always navigated through life to the beat of my own marching band.

I learned to read very early, and my Grandparents had many books in their library. I particularly remember "The Water Babies" and a few pop-ups and illustrated OZ books. Naturally, as I got older, I graduated first to comic books (DC as Marvel did not exist yet), then Science Fiction and books in general, amplified and expanded by my high school senior English teacher. I literally have a ton of books now, many of them autographed by the author.

I can also say the same thing about movies and vinyl records. I have so much that I am wondering what to do with them all as I approach the end of life. I do not mean that in any negative way, it is just that I have so many rare books (like a first edition hardcover of Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon, which had a very small print run in hardcover thanks to a simultaneous oversize paperback printing).

I share a fair number of the same interests as you and I think we are not so different in many respects. I could write much more here as I am happy to share anything from my life, but I always try to check myself in case I might tip over into droning boredom.

If you wish to know more or share, send me a private message and I will respond.

[I somehow posted this before I finished my thoughts, so if you read the truncated version and moved on, my apologies]
Click to expand...

Oh wow, honestly I always felt like I didn't belong in the country I grew up in and that I needed to leave and find a place where I would fit in better since I never seemed to connect to people and society. Maybe in that way I did feel I was an alien of sorts, are sort of wrong place wrong time thing. Voluntarily mute and always alone, medically diagnosed with depression since the age of 12 I either am fading into the background or talk too much and am too intense to some, there's absolutely no middle road.

I find it especially interesting that you cannot stand having your photograph taken as I have the exact same thing but more because I cannot stand my own reflection, something always seems off about me. It's hard to put my finger on but I don't want it to be shown to others and have them notice. Does that make sense?

I'm happy to hear you at least got your diagnosis and hope it helped you in coming to terms and understanding how to navigate life a little better, like with the job and social minefield as you mentioned. It's ultimately what I'm looking forward to. But I am afraid to be too hopeful since I have no idea what will come out of the "tests"
Collections like those always make me happy since it's a whole world you can dive into. I haven't been lucky yet to acquire one of my own, I think my collections are saved on the computer.

Art, ideas, hobbies, and the things I read have no physical manifestation, this might also be a sign of the times but party because I don't really have the money to spare. It's alright though, I'm not missing out but actually catching up on everything I missed. That's the only good thing about not being able to keep a job, enough spare time for personal exploration, haha

I'm absolutely not bored with your story, don't worry. I just have a hard time keeping in touch since it might feel overwhelming to connect, even though I really want to. I'm not yet sure how to balance this out but I'm certainly open to suggestions.
 
Thinx said:
Per chance I just may be able to direct you to mods who can find such threads, @tree @Nitro for example. Or you can search key words, like, isolation, or making friends. We tend to lack some areas of intuition that guide NTs in this, and we are often looking for more depth, whilst this is often misunderstood or not wanted by many, I think.
Click to expand...
Thank you. I'll look around and talk to people some more. I'm honestly just a complete boomer when it comes to forums since I've always been on platforms like Skype, Facebook, games and now Discord. It's very new to me, ha
 
Hi and welcome,

I'm in the 1000- age group, but still am very much into Sci-Fi films and series.

Did you see 'The Expanse' series. It's probably the most recent one I was really excited about, although sad it ended. I thought 'Children of Men' an excellent film. It felt very realistic.

I am also very fond of the old school films when they still allowed Bazookas on space ships. ;)

pdvd-069.jpg
 
DystopiaIncognito said:
is sadly not the solution when there are two Captains aboard your (relation)ship, so to speak.
Click to expand...
This I am well acquainted with. My spouse and I are the oldest of our siblings and parental expectations molded us. We get by with lots of communication as well as giving each other space as necessary. We have both common and personal interests which also helps us get along. It has required work at times and we reamain committed to each other, recognizing that we can get along with each other better than with other people we have encountered.

DystopiaIncognito said:
doesn't feel comfortable letting people close, also because he fears he cannot give them what they want. Not sure if that's something you might relate to.
Click to expand...
My issue with discomfort and anxiety towards letting others close, especially women, stemmed from the negative messages I told myself. I just could not take a rejection which would validate my thoughts that I was damaged, worthless and undesirable. In fact, I do not know if you had read my tale of how my mind nearly sabotaged my happiness. My future spouse and I were on a road trip to a trail maintenance project. The fourth day and circumstances required us to share my tent. It was such a wonderful day in Cades Cove and I was really falling for her and I thought she liked me too. My guard was down and my anxiety was quelled, and I asked her if she would like to make love. My mind went into full panic mode realizing that this could be the ultimate rejection that I did not hear her assent. She finally had to talk me down telling me that this was taking our friendship to its next level. After all those years of loneliness I was astounded that a woman would accept me sexually. Much later she said that she did not realize I was inexperienced and she enjoyed it, that unlike her other partners she felt used by, I actually cared about her pleasure.
 
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