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36 and still feeling like I did when I was 17.

Markness said:
I would say about twenty people, maybe a little more. Not everyone works in the same divisions, though. Using myself as an example, I am in the circulation division and don’t work in the reference one.
Click to expand...
So there is a limited pool of employees available for shift-swapping.

How many work in your area?
 
Markness said:
Maybe 10 people but not everyone works on the same days or even the same hours.
Click to expand...
Yes, that's what would make a 'shift swap' useful.

There'd be no point to a trade if the people trading worked the same day and hours.
 
Markness said:
I also don’t have much camaraderie with the people I work with.
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I figured. (from what you have previously said)

So, if you wanted to trade shifts with somebody, it
would take some effort on your part.
 
I also don’t know how to bring it up to someone without stuttering.
 
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Then what happened?

A. The waitress pulled a gun on you and ordered you off the premises?
B. You told yourself a story about how people were judging you?
C. The moment passed and everyone survived?
 
tree said:
Then what happened?

A. The waitress pulled a gun on you and ordered you off the premises?
B. You told yourself a story about how people were judging you?
C. The moment passed and everyone survived?
Click to expand...
B.
 
What happened as a result of the story you told yourself?

What effect did the story have on you?
 
tree said:
What happened as a result of the story you told yourself?

What effect did the story have on you?
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I worried that I was being judged for stuttering and maybe the waitress thought I was stupid.

I felt discouraged.
 
How is telling yourself that you were being judged as stupid
helpful to you?

How necessary to you is it that you feel discouraged?
What benefit does that feeling provide you?
 
@Markness - I occasionally attend church, and I will go today because I'm bringing flowers for the sanctuary. The minister for today is a man who nearly died of a brain tumor and has had extensive surgery to remove the tumor, leaving him with some degree of brain damage.

He often struggles to find the right words and stutters, gets confused about names and dates, and recently prayed for a former Senator from my state who died five years ago but the minister thought he is the current Governor. Despite his struggles, no one doubts for a second that he is a good man, trying his best to deliver a sermon, trying to follow the order of worship at our church, trying to remember the name of the pianist, trying to read from the Bible even as he stutters. Here's the thing - no one cares if his diction is not perfect or he forgets things or gets confused or stutters, everyone recognizes his struggles even if they are unaware of his medical past, greatly admires him for his determination and his efforts, are endlessly patient with him and totally respect him for who he is - not for who he might be if he were different.

I'm not sure why I want to tell you about the minister, but I see parallels between his struggles and you. Most people understand and accept that not everyone is perfect. I believe it is the same for you. You worry about stuttering or committing a social mistake far more than people even notice that you're doing it. Keep on going out, to restaurants, to meetups, to whatever event you want, and keep on talking and being involved in life. People respect you for the effort you make and there is no need to feel embarrassed or like a lesser human being just because you're not perfect. You don't have to be perfect.

Yikes! I need to get dressed for church now or I'll be late.
 
tree said:
How is telling yourself that you were being judged as stupid
helpful to you?

How necessary to you is it that you feel discouraged?
What benefit does that feeling provide you?
Click to expand...
In hindsight, it’s not helpful. When these thoughts happen, I don’t consider whether they are helpful or deconstructive.

It’s an apt feeling for me because I am still struggling and wondering if I will ever get better. I suppose I keep doing it in hopes someone will help me.
 
This doesn't make sense to me.

You believe that telling yourself negative stuff
is somehow going to prompt people to help you?

How are they supposed to know that you are telling
yourself these stories? Do you remark out loud, something
like *Well, here I go again, talking messed up. I guess you
think I'm pretty stupid. I wish you'd tell me I'm ok.*

I thought this negative self talk was something you did
silently.

Suppose you tried telling yourself a slightly different story.
Along the lines of *Well, I stuttered. That's not the best,
but it's not terrible. I can live with that. I'm ok.*
 
Mary Terry said:
@Markness - I occasionally attend church, and I will go today because I'm bringing flowers for the sanctuary. The minister for today is a man who nearly died of a brain tumor and has had extensive surgery to remove the tumor, leaving him with some degree of brain damage.

He often struggles to find the right words and stutters, gets confused about names and dates, and recently prayed for a former Senator from my state who died five years ago but the minister thought he is the current Governor. Despite his struggles, no one doubts for a second that he is a good man, trying his best to deliver a sermon, trying to follow the order of worship at our church, trying to remember the name of the pianist, trying to read from the Bible even as he stutters. Here's the thing - no one cares if his diction is not perfect or he forgets things or gets confused or stutters, everyone recognizes his struggles even if they are unaware of his medical past, greatly admires him for his determination and his efforts, are endlessly patient with him and totally respect him for who he is - not for who he might be if he were different.

I'm not sure why I want to tell you about the minister, but I see parallels between his struggles and you. Most people understand and accept that not everyone is perfect. I believe it is the same for you. You worry about stuttering or committing a social mistake far more than people even notice that you're doing it. Keep on going out, to restaurants, to meetups, to whatever event you want, and keep on talking and being involved in life. People respect you for the effort you make and there is no need to feel embarrassed or like a lesser human being just because you're not perfect. You don't have to be perfect.

Yikes! I need to get dressed for church now or I'll be late.
Click to expand...
My parents would shame me for stuttering, even snarl at me for doing it. I also had a young lady mock my voice to my face when she asked me a question and I stuttered. They need to realize that stuttering is involuntary and requires treatment.
 
tree said:
This doesn't make sense to me.

You believe that telling yourself negative stuff
is somehow going to prompt people to help you?

How are they supposed to know that you are telling
yourself these stories? Do you remark out loud, something
like *Well, here I go again, talking messed up. I guess you
think I'm pretty stupid. I wish you'd tell me I'm ok.*

I thought this negative self talk was something you did
silently.

Suppose you tried telling yourself a slightly different story.
Along the lines of *Well, I stuttered. That's not the best,
but it's not terrible. I can live with that. I'm ok.*
Click to expand...
I don’t say sentences like that out loud. I just look frustrated and I am asked if I am okay usually.
 
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